friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

So you think she’s out of order because she asked you to go away on a three day break?

Are you feeling ok?

No. She goes on a long haul holiday without her family once a year, which makes the whole "how dare she invite me on a bank holiday!" particularly weird.

So wierd. So you're always with your family you've never had a break from them?? Very suffocating .

Yes!

I think this sounds like you feel you are superior to her because you are still with your partner and she is separated. She has 'almost adult' children who are with their dad- so they are around the same age as your children- especially the 16 year old- but her children are with their dad 'because she is single' but your kids cant possibly be with their dad for 3 days 'because you are a family'. Just say 'sorry, I have other things arranged' and don't go if you don't want to. Don't waste her weekend when she could ask someone less judgmental and have a good time.

Of a fortnight- as long as it's not on a bank holiday weekend obviously!

So has she kicked off when you said no? Just asking you absolutely fine as is you saying that you are spending the bank holiday with your family.

From OP's title thread, did anyone else picture her friend bellowing "Go away!

I am very curious to hear from @DistinguishedSocialCommentator what kind of life must one lead so that going away for a weekend would be a massive decision that needs days of pondering. Considering the decisions I regularly need to take, it would be quite a simple decision, but I clearly must be missing something here.

It's fine for her to ask. It's not selfish - what a very weird reaction from you.
It's fine for you to say no you don't want to leave your family for the BH weekend.
The end.
No drama.

'Thanks for the invitation. Unfortunately, 3 nights away over a BH weekend doesn't work for me. Happy to go away for a night or 2 at another time though.......'

Drama over

She’s suggested it, you say no. What’s difficult about that?

Sorry but some parents do, wouldn't be selfish unless your partner was a useless father.

I wouldn't personally but only because I am the main carer so would be worried the whole time but I wouldn't think it was weird especially as she has no children so she doesn't get it. I'd simply say no thanks I can't leave the kids.

Your kids aren't toddlers so not surprised she thinks you can leave them for a weekend

It's not selfish to have time on your own if you want to, but if you don't then just say no!

Dp and I have time away without each other / DC, sometimes to pursue a hobby one of us enjoys more than the other or for a hen/stag party. I also travel with work, one of us is more than capable of looking after the DC solo, I don't think it's selfish, but if you are a home body and don't want to go that's also fine, but don't be offended to have been asked!

So let's be clear - you're annoyed with your friend for asking if you would like to go away for a bank holiday weekend as you couldn't possibly leave your precious DH and DC but Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.
This has to be a wind-up.

Weird post. You have feelings about BHs being family time. OK that’s fine. But to call your friend unreasonable for not intuiting that’s how you felt is ridiculous! She invited you away. That’s meant to be a nice thing. She isn’t unreasonable for feeling that BHs might be a good social weekend and you’re not unreasonable for thinking they’re to be spent with your family. But you are unreasonable for thinking she is unreasonable and actually being miffed about it!!

Why don’t you like your friend?

Of course YABU. Just say no if you feel you can’t leave your grown man of a husband and his 3 children.

I think it’s lovely that you are looking forward to spending time with your family on the bank holiday weekend.
I think it’s great that you have a friend who wants to spend time with you and is kind enough to suggest you go away together on the bank holiday weekend.

I wouldn’t be happy if, having declined the suggestion to go away, a friend put pressure on me in any way to accompany her, so that she could make use of her time without the children. Is that what she is doing OP ?

Expecting you to forgo your opportunity for a family weekend so that she can benefit from a weekend away is selfish, but simply asking you or simply suggesting it isn’t unreasonable as you then get the opportunity to explain you prefer to spend precious long weekends with your family.

Wow. She asked you to go away and have a few days fun. Should single people not ask married people to spend time with them? Should she know that you feel precious about a bank holiday whenbyou fly long haul away from your partner several times a year?

It's unreasonable if she keeps asking but if she asks and you say no i cant because of parter and kids and thats the end of it then i think thats fine.

Of course it’s a good thing to have close and enduring friendships for fun and support. Your children are teenagers they will be happy with their dad and seeing friends - they will probably be happy to have some fun with friends and not the oppressive expectation the weekend is solely for family.

The more people in your life the better - especially as so many marriages end in divorce it’s the friendships that will continue. The people I have known without close friendships have struggled as they get older with or without a spouse.

I absolutely love a weekend away with friends and have done both when married and single. I’ve even done a week away! The horror!

She asked you if you wanted to go away at a convenient time, that's probably the depth of it, no more. You can say yes or you can say no and she'll (I expect) ask someone else. I don't know why you're making it that she's selfish as you're the one with commitments. She just wants a yes or no.

What's weird about it ? Your DC are not babies and their dad might actually enjoy having them to himself for a few days. My DH use to love it when I went away and they could just mooch all weekend and not have me there whipping them in to shape every five minutes. Have you asked DH and kids what they think about it?

Yes, YABU and really, really weird. I hope your friend dumps you and finds a better friend. People that make their family/partner their whole lives are not stable people imo. You'll end up friendless eventually if you alienate friends like this.

I don’t think you’re getting this are you? Whether it’s mean or not is up to you, but why the fuck do you think your friend is ‘out of order’ for inviting you?