friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

@Bigbusheyeyebrows

I'm not a martyr, all of them can cope without me. There is no SEN or safe guarding issues. Partner is a great dad.

Great, so no reason why your kids can’t cope for a few days while Mum is away.

Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.

This, to be honest, is not a normal thing to do; to leave one partner (who may not even be the children’s father?) with total responsibility, while you travel at considerable distance away from home.

This is why you are missing out on family time; you are both choosing to use half to a third of your annual leave to have solo holidays away from the children and each other.

If you used that time properly as a family you wouldn’t be so focused on the importance of a bank holiday… which is much less important than spending proper concentrated time together as a family.

It just doesn't sit right with me to swan off on a bank holiday weekend.

But it’s totally fine to swan off to the other side of the world for two weeks straight away from your children and partner?

Your friend is not the unreasonable one.

Read all your posts..

There are 39 weeks in the school year.

They are off 13 weeks.

So that’s 91 days + 78 days of weekends during term time = 169 days potentially free for family time, though obviously you have to work with what leave you have.

Your friend suggested you spend <2% of this with her, and wasn’t suggesting you use up holiday time.

What is happening to make you so sensitive about a bank holiday? Are you and partner not able to arrange leave together for kids? When you go long haul are you going solo/without kids, is there guilt there or a sense that you need to make things up to your children for this time away?

YA Definitely BU.

This fixation on bank holidays you have is a bit weird!

I can understand if you already do a 2 week holiday away from your family, that's enough time out, so just say that! 'Friend, I'm really sorry but I think it's going to be pushing it to leave DH in charge of the kids, when I've already done 2 weeks away in X'

No need for a drama

Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

You see, I see absolutely nothing wrong with this at all!!

Eh?
Why on earth is this an unreasonable request?!

If you don't want to go then don't but she's not unreasonable for asking. It sounds lovely!

I have friends who are in OPs position and never went away....fast forward a few years and their kids are grown up and suddenly they want to go away with me on weekend breaks etc but I already have a core group of single friends to do this with and can't really be bothered with the ones who now have time for me, where were they when I was alone on long weekends?

I'm still really struggling to find out why going away on a Bank Holiday weekend with a friend (when there are no special family events/rituals tied to such a weekend) is such an uncomfortable and irrational idea compared to taking 2 weeks away from your spouse and children every year.

Not really

😅🤣

I’m afraid I don’t think your reaction is at all normal. She just asked. She isn’t, from your OP, forcing you to go or putting pressure on you to accept. I can’t understand how one makes the leap from her asking if you fancy a short break to her being “selfish”.

It's perfectly fine that you don't want to go.

But it's ridiculous that you're annoyed with your friend just for asking when you can simply say no. And it's also ridiculous you seem to think that your friend should automatically know that you feel this way.

You’re being very silly it is 3 days, not 3 weeks… they are old enough to be left alone for goodness sake, I am sure they will be fine with their Dad.

FYI, I had 3 days away from DC last year, it was glorious. I have another 3 booked during summer… with their father… they are younger than yours and will be looked after by other relatives.

You need to have some time for yourself to assert your own sense of self and have a life not dominated by domesticity. You are lucky to have a friend to go away with for a break.

Your kids will soon be grown. You need to develop ‘you’ or it’s going to be a real shock when they leave home.

What a massive overreaction. Your friend asked you to go on holiday and you're reacting as if she'd done the most awful thing on earth.

England has 8 bank holidays a year. I don't think it's crazy to spend one of them with a mate, when you have a perfectly responsible partner at home to look after your tween/teenage children. However, it's fine if you don't want to go; just politely decline, but there's no need for all this aggro.

You do you love!!

I don’t think it’s selfish at all to want to go away for a bank holiday weekend with a friend sans kids.

If you want to say no I can’t go, just say so. Your friend hasn’t done anything wrong in asking you, you weirdo! Why so much tea?

I have 2 kids and I will be going away on a bank holiday weekend without my kids who are 3 and 6. My husband was fine for me to go by myself with a couple of friends and he’ll be doing a trip with his friends later on in the year. I don’t think it’s selfish at all that we want to do this and actually think it’s quite healthy to have some child free time. We also go on holidays as a family together.

Get a grip!

😂

Having a great time with a friend is not selfish as no one is harmed or put out ??

It's called living !

I would love this
Your kids are more than capable of feeding , toileting , amusing themselves as is OH

Unless you had a family event planned that the kids were looking forward to -Go !
Weird to even question this

Do you get up in the morning and think ' blessed as I am with a competent husband and non-clingy children, my life is just too easy.......what can I do to make it more difficult for myself'?

So what will you all be doing as a family over the BH?

I honestly thought this was a reverse it was so ridiculous!

I think its really strange you feel so offended and expect your friend to know you hold bank holidays in some high regard for family time.

She asked, you can say no. She is absolutely not being unreasonable at all for asking though.

This is absolutely batshit.

You’ve not been on MN long enough yet OP.
A seasoned MNer would have gone for the weekend and called the family from the hotel.
To let them know that she’d arrived safely.
😉😁😁

Is this a reverse?