Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

563 replies

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

OP posts:
ButWhatAboutTheBees · 16/04/2024 17:47

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

You can't leave them but they would be fine without you?

So you can leave them....

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 16/04/2024 17:47

Why on earth can’t you swan off? Will none of them survive for 3 whole days if you aren’t there?

SecondHandFurniture · 16/04/2024 17:47

You've had "family at home" for 15 years with a good 5 or so years to go. Do you never do anything overnight on your own?

yellowonion · 16/04/2024 17:47

Struggle to see the issue with 'swanning off' and 'leaving' partner and three teenagers(ish). I've done that with friends, partner's done that with friends. We're not joined at the hip and prioritise friends sometimes, they're important.

NeverEnoughPants · 16/04/2024 17:46

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Your post contradicts itself.

It sounds like you absolutely can go away. You just don't want to.

maddening · 16/04/2024 17:45

Yabu unless there are issues such as high needs dc or dh and even then it is nice to ask as you may want the break and be able to organise care/support for the dc /dh

Lazylegolady · 16/04/2024 17:45

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

It wouldn't be selfish at all. Since when is it selfish to go and do something you enjoy?

NeverEnoughPants · 16/04/2024 17:44

You might think it would be out of order for you to go - that's fine. But there's nothing at all wrong with asking.

What an over the top response to a very reasonable question!

Fiddlerdragon · 16/04/2024 17:44

Bloody hell! She only asked op? It’s not unreasonable to ask your friend to go on a nice experience with you. It is weird as fuck that you think you can leave your teenage husband and children for a couple of nights though!

BodyKeepingScore · 16/04/2024 17:44

Why's she being unreasonable? Presumably mothers are allowed to go on holiday without their family?

Desecratedcoconut · 16/04/2024 17:44

Just go, you don't need a pass from MN to enjoy a weekend away from you husband and teens.

TheValueOfEverything · 16/04/2024 17:44

DH and I each have about three weekends a year away with friends, sometimes these fall on bank holidays.

And we have similar aged children. This doesn’t include work trips abroad which can span a week or more.

But if you don’t want to go away without your family, just say so!

snakewillow · 16/04/2024 17:44

Why would it be out of order for you to bugger off for three days and leave your teenager dc with their (presumably quite capable) father? If you don't want to go just say no but I think it's weirder that you think you shouldn't go under any circumstances.

Original poster
Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

OP posts:
maddening · 16/04/2024 17:44

I am off for 3 nights on the bh weekend with 2 good friends - ds and dh will be fine and I am looking forward to my me Time!

Lazylegolady · 16/04/2024 17:43

Even if your children were babies and toddlers, it would be perfectly reasonable of her to ask. Nice of her to ask even. Maybe she thought you'd like a bit of time away.

Are you one of those who cannot be away from the husband and children at all?

Rachie1973 · 16/04/2024 17:43

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

Of course it’s ok to ask! Jeez, what an overreaction!

Purplevioletsherbert · 16/04/2024 17:42

So you think it’s unreasonable for a parent to go away for a long weekend and leave their three teenagers with their other parent?

ChesterFoxE · 16/04/2024 17:42

Me at end of Month: Sorry husb/ kids but I'm off to Spain for 3 nights with my friend.

Husb/ kids - Okay have a great time.

Simple!

Just say no if you don't want too!

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 16/04/2024 17:42

It is a massive decision OP
Think about it, sleep on it. Then think about it and sleep on it and then give her your answer

If I was in your shoes and they asked me - I'd be honoured and then politely tell them, "thank you for your kind offer but I can't..."

Honestly, it is really as simple as that

DaniMontyRae · 16/04/2024 17:42

Seriously? Your friend made a suggestion, that's it. She hasn't tried to threaten or force you. Lots of people go away without their kids, especially when they can be looked after by their other parent.

Maybe she thought that you would have chosen a decent enough partner that they can cope with their own 3 children for a weekend. She may also have assumed that you have raised your teenagers well enough that they could cope without you for 3 days. I guess she overestimated you.

VickyEadieofThigh · 16/04/2024 17:41

Do you want to go? If not, just say "No thanks".

She isn't being remotely unreasonable to ask.

idontlikealdi · 16/04/2024 17:41

Odd reaction, why can't you leave them to it for the weekend and have a good time with your friend?

LemonySnickets · 16/04/2024 17:41

lol I've gone away for weekends leaving behind (now Ex)H and kids younger than that! If you want to go, go! They'll be fine for a weekend without you!

Slobberchops1 · 16/04/2024 17:40

You are allowed time away from your kids and partner , I don’t see the issue

if you don’t want to go just say no thanks . No need to make a massive deal out of it . Do you live for drama ?

Swipe left for the next trending thread