friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

I’ve left my DH to go away on weekends with a friend, and DH has been away with his friends too, why wouldn’t you want to go?! Why can’t your partner be left at home with the kids?

I’m guessing this is some sort of reverse.. bit beyond me though!

Nothing wrong with her asking

not selfish for you to go away for a few days when you have teenagers at home

if you prefer to enjoy the weekend with your family, there is nothing wrong with that, but you are acting like the idea of going away is ludicrous and it really isn’t.

Are you one of those ridiculous women who thinks they can't do anything with their friends because they have a partner? Or who never does anything without their partner tagging along?

Well, this really.

That post totally contradicts itself. You can absolutely 'swan off' for 3 days, bank holiday or not because they will of course be fine and you can do what you want.

If you don't want to, then say no. But lots of people would want to and enjoy it and there'd be nothing selfish about it whatsoever. You're the one being weird.

I wouldn't want to leave DH and DS for that long but loads of my friends have always gone away and left their families for weekends. I'm definitely the weird one amongst the people I know that I don't fancy it (can I just say, DH would have no issues with me buggering off).

Your children are not babies. I don't see why you can't go. Surely a grown DH and 3 teenagers can manage without you?

I don't think it's unreasonable for your friend to ask you to go away, but it's also not unreasonable if you to want to go. I've never been away on a holiday/break without my husband or without my daughter when she was still living at home, and wouldn't want to, but I wouldn't find it unreasonable if a friend asked if I wanted to go away with her.

This is deeply weird OP - She asked a simple Yes/No question: would you like to go away for a weekend?
You could just tell her a polite no thanks, but then examine why you feel so guilty and affronted by the suggestion of a weekend away with a friend. I’m sad that it’s caused such angst and shock. I know other mums who have cast themselves in this ‘irreplaceable’ role, and it seems to lead to burnout and unhappiness IMO. You need time to be just you!

I assume that as a single parent, she knows your partner will be absolutely fine looking after his kids for a weekend. Just say no if you don’t fancy it. But there was nothing wrong in her asking.

Is this is a joke?

Wow you’d think I’m terrible, I have a 5 year old and am going away for 4 days later this year. Can’t bloody wait.

Why can't you just "swan off" ? If you don't want to go say so but no reason to use kids as an excuse

I’m getting Shirley Valentine ‘We always have steak on Thursday not chips and eggs’ vibes.

She’s not unreasonable just to ask if you fancy it, no. You are free to decline.

Why can't you just say no thanks if you don't fancy it?
She's not unreasonable to ask, you're not unreasonable to say no.
YABU

Your kids are not babies. Why can't you swan off for a long weekend and leave them with their father? If you have other plans just tell her that, perhaps another time.

I agree with pp you are weirdly over reacting about this

I sense there are underlying issues here. Why are you so taken back by this request?. I think this was a lovely idea from your friend.

I thought this was going to be a polite way of saying she told you to fuck off. YABU and really weird. If you don't want to go just say no.

You sound ridiculous tbh.

i cant at all see that she was wrong to ask and, unless you don't fancy a weekend with her, i don't think you would be wrong to go. I go away with friends for the odd weekend and sometimes go away overnight for work. I probably would not have done when they were really young unless for work or something specific like a hen do but at that age no problem.

I think the fact it is a bank holiday weekend is slightly different depending on how you normally spend bank holidays, but certainly my DC and DH would have been fine with this - DH would probably arrange some kind of day trip for the 3 of them or take the opportunity to see his parents (which we sometimes do on bank hols anyway).

You're being ridiculous. It's not unreasonable to ask you. It's not unreasonable for you to say you'd prefer to stay at home.

I also don't see the problem with you having a few days away from your family if you want to. You're not joined at the hip.

You have contradicted yourself here. Surely she realises I can't just swan off and leave them to it followed by of course all will be fine and I can go if I want.

So she isn't at all unreasonable. Indeed she knows you have a partner at home who no doubt she believes is capable of being able to manage on his own and therefore its an ideal time to go away with a friend.

Don't go if you don't want too but don't make her out to be a dick when she isn't being one.

How is anyone supposed to find someone to go away with it if they don’t ask?

Are you quite passive in life?

Is it that your husband would be annoyed if you went? Have you been conditioned to think doing something for yourself is selfish?