Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

563 replies

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

OP posts:
ThreeEggOmlette · 16/04/2024 18:10

There is no issue here.

whatsitcalledwhen · 16/04/2024 18:09

Are your children girls OP?

Not great to teach them that if they become mothers it is 'selfish' to do something you might enjoy if it means not being available 24/7 to your children even when they are teenagers.

If a friend of yours with teen children said they were having a weekend break with a mate while their husband and kids were at home, would you honestly call her selfish? Goodness. What a depressing way to view motherhood.

GabriellaMontez · 16/04/2024 18:08

Make up your mind. Is it nice of her to ask? Or out of order?

Yabu.

Riverlee · 16/04/2024 18:08

She’s not asking you to swan away last minute, but asking you for a girls weekend away, and giving you due notice.

You seem to be over-dramatising the situation.

Just say no.

BodyKeepingScore · 16/04/2024 18:06

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Are your children particularly fond of bank holidays then? Why "especially not on a bank holiday"? It's one out of their entire lifetime. If your DH can't cope with three teenagers on his own for a couple of days there's something wrong...

Littlebitpsycho · 16/04/2024 18:06

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Then say no 🤷‍♀️

You sound very judgmental - I've got a 12 year old daughter and if a friend of mine suggested we go away for the weekend you wouldn't see me for dust. DD would be absolutely fine with her dad for a few days

Lulu1919 · 16/04/2024 18:04

Ps
I'll go with her !!!!

SD1978 · 16/04/2024 18:04

She asked, your kids are hardly babies, the k for many people it would sound lovely. You don't, so say no.

ManchesterLu · 16/04/2024 18:04

If you want to, go. If you don't, don't. Your friend is only making a suggestion.

GreyBlackLove · 16/04/2024 18:04

It's up to you whether you go or not but you are absolutely being unreasonable to react like this to a simple invite.

Unless there's a dripfeed coming, having a husband and older children isn't a blocker to a long weekend away or a reason not to ask.

Lulu1919 · 16/04/2024 18:03

You are allowed a mini break
Go if you want to
Say no if you don't
I think it was fine for her to ask ...sounds like a fun weekend to me !!

Menomeno · 16/04/2024 18:03

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

She’s done nothing wrong whatsoever in asking you, it’s a perfectly reasonable offer and most women with teenagers and a willing partner would bite her hand off.

It’s also fine for you to refuse, but YABVU by being so affronted that she made the kind offer in the first place. Plenty of mothers of babies and toddlers go away and leave them, and yours are much older.

Shinyandnew1 · 16/04/2024 18:02

How bizarre-she can ask, you can go or say no. She is not unreasonable!

SeanMean · 16/04/2024 18:02

YABU, it was an invitation!

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 16/04/2024 18:00

I think YABU for feeling she is some how in the wrong for asking. It's perfectly normal for people to do this, with or without husband and kids. YANBU for not wanting to go, it's entirely your choice. I went for a week last summer with friends and had the nicest most relaxing week! Lovely to get home to them all after a break.

Keeprejoining · 16/04/2024 17:58

i did and still do this regularly, trust me when your kids leave home you'll be glad you've got a friend who wants to go a mini break with you.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 16/04/2024 17:58

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

So you CAN go away, the family by your own admission will be fine. You just don't WANT to.

That's fine too, just tell your friend no. She isn't being unreasonable to invite you though!

DerekFaker · 16/04/2024 17:58

Bloody hell you're allowed to have a life outside your family. In fact it's very healthy.

Nobodyknowsitall5 · 16/04/2024 17:58

I couldn't be arsed having a friend like you

ShillyShallySherbet · 16/04/2024 17:58

I think nothing of going away with friends for a weekend occasionally and I have even younger children than you. DH is perfectly capable of looking after them without me for a few days. If you don’t want to go then just say no thank you. So yes YABU to think she’s BU.

GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 16/04/2024 17:58

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

If they're going to be fine without you, why can't you go?
Go!
I say this as someone who's kids are late teens now and it does take some getting used to suddenly being able to "swan" off if you fancy it, it's a different mindset as to when they're little!
Suddenly not being needed as much.
It's not selfish to have a bit of time to yourself, make the most of it and enjoy!

easylikeasundaymorn · 16/04/2024 17:58

She would be unreasonable to demand but not at all unreasonable to just ask!
Lots of people would think it's completely normal to go away without your family for such a short space of time. The fact you personally don't want to is just your view. Most people wouldn't consider it to be an outrageous suggestion!

If she'd booked to go away with a different friend and not even asked you because she'd assumed you wouldn't possibly want to leave your family for 3 days presumably you'd be annoyed about that too?

Hankunamatata · 16/04/2024 17:57

Yikes your a bit full on. She only asked if you fancied going away. Are you usually offended for absolutely no reason?

Aaron95 · 16/04/2024 17:57

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Why not? I occasionally go away fo a weekend without OH or the kids. OH does the same. Doesn't strike me as a big deal.

Do you spend all your life at home?

BringItOnxxx · 16/04/2024 17:56

Get a grip

Swipe left for the next trending thread