Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

563 replies

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

OP posts:
SchoolQuestionnaire · 16/04/2024 18:57

Ladybir · 16/04/2024 18:15

I can't be the only who struggles to understand why 2 weeks (assuming not on a bank holiday) is fine but 3 days over a bank holiday is so terrible and your family can't possibly cope without you!?

This really. My kids are older now but I wouldn’t have had an issue with leaving them for a Bank Hol weekend. I definitely wouldn’t have left them for two weeks though and I certainly wasn’t a martyr to the family.

ICanFixHim · 16/04/2024 18:56

Springtime43 · 16/04/2024 18:25

I wouldn’t go somewhere without DH over Easter, that wouldn’t feel right.

I don't think Jesus would mind. What other issue could there be?

Luxell934 · 16/04/2024 18:55

If your children were 1,3 and 7 or something like that maybe I could understand your reasoning. But your kids are all mid teens. Yes you could leave them for a weekend to go on a jolly. It’s one bloody weekend, not even a full week. I assume their father would manage to parent without you.

Ultimately you don’t want to go which is fine! But your friends not being unreasonable to ask you.

FoodieToo · 16/04/2024 18:54

This is very odd.

Why don't you suggest a 2 week long haul then if you're ok with that 😉??!!

I am just back from 6 days in Ikos with friends and I have 5 teens . They all said it was a great week and my husband declared himself to be ' like a new person' !!!

EffortlesslyInelegant · 16/04/2024 18:54

Springtime43 · 16/04/2024 18:25

I wouldn’t go somewhere without DH over Easter, that wouldn’t feel right.

Good job the OP isn't not going at Easter then really isn't it?

hookiewookie29 · 16/04/2024 18:54

I'd be packing now.....

SquirrelMeze · 16/04/2024 18:52

I had no idea the May Day Bank Holiday was so sacred. I'm embarrassed so thank you for letting me know.

RosaBaby2 · 16/04/2024 18:51

This has got to be a joke?! 🤣

LimeAnkles · 16/04/2024 18:50

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Don't go then. It's quite simple.
Why are you trying to turn this into a mini ITV Drama?!

ClawdeenWolf · 16/04/2024 18:50

@Akamai Exactly that, put far more succinctly than I could've managed. :)

Skyrainbow · 16/04/2024 18:49

Sounds brilliant to me. My children are younger than yours and I've been going on long weekends since the youngest was three. My husband doesn't mind (he occasionally goes away too). It's good for the kids to see that i have a life outside of them.

Cockapoopoopoo · 16/04/2024 18:47

I think your attitude is really bizarre to be honest

Bushmillsbabe · 16/04/2024 18:46

If you don't want to go, don't go, but its in no way unreasonable for her to ask. We have 2 girls aged 4 and 7. I have been away twice with friends for hen does for 2-3 nights. My husband has done same, and also gone away fir a week for a course. They/we somehow survived!
If anything it's easier on a BH weekend than during termtime/weekdays as we share the school runs so I have to take leave or arrange cover for these when he is away

Toddlerteaplease · 16/04/2024 18:42

Seems like a nice idea. Your kids are old enough to be left with their other parent!

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 16/04/2024 18:41

Ok, her kids are 'practically adult', but she obviously still has them at home and only part time as she is single. She has a weekend that will work for her to get away, which is obviously less easy for her. Your reasoning is... not reasoning.

The MN phrase, it's an invitation not a summons applies here. But don't be surprised if she never asks you again, especially if she knows your batshit reasoning for it and that you go away for 2 weeks each year without your kids.

Shopper727 · 16/04/2024 18:38

when I was ward nursing I’d do 3 long shifts in a row so basically be gone the 3 days and only kiss the kids goodnight when I got home. Their dad managed perfectly well on his own. He’d have managed fine if I’d gone away for a few days too, they had boys night watching football or marvel or whatever. He was police so worked shifts too so I’d do the same for him.

No reason why your husband and kids wouldn’t cope for a weekend by themselves her ex is taking her kids so he will manage. If you don’t want to go don’t go but it’s not unreasonable to spend a few days away especially if your kids are older and with their other parent.

SecondHandFurniture · 16/04/2024 18:38

It's not even a special BH like New Year or Easter. In fact there are 2 in May. Spend the other one together.

Akamai · 16/04/2024 18:37

ClawdeenWolf · 16/04/2024 18:33

Sounds like you're looking for an excuse to look down on your mate, to be honest.

I got the same impression. It’s like OP is huffing at the temerity of the friend for even daring to think OP may go with her, because OP’s friend is single and OP is a smug still married.

AlwaysGinPlease · 16/04/2024 18:35

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 16/04/2024 17:42

It is a massive decision OP
Think about it, sleep on it. Then think about it and sleep on it and then give her your answer

If I was in your shoes and they asked me - I'd be honoured and then politely tell them, "thank you for your kind offer but I can't..."

Honestly, it is really as simple as that

What?! A massive decision?

Rosestulips · 16/04/2024 18:35

So are you asking AYBU to go and leave your family , or ISBU to ask you to go?

whatever the question, no one is being unreasonable. You can decline, or go.

you might enjoy it

ThePenguinIsDrunk · 16/04/2024 18:35

YABU Just don't go if you don't want to. Your friend was nice to offer, it's not as if she's forcing you to go.

MagentaRocks · 16/04/2024 18:34

Yanbu to not to want to go for whatever reason

Yabu to expect your friend to know that a bank holiday weekend is a no when you happily go off for 2 weeks at other times

Yabvu to be slating your friend to dare to suggest going away. Surely a conversation about you would rather not do that on a bank holiday.

ClawdeenWolf · 16/04/2024 18:33

Sounds like you're looking for an excuse to look down on your mate, to be honest.

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 16/04/2024 18:33

I'm away for 2 nights over BH weekend and my DD is much younger than your DC, you are odd to think this unreasonable not your friend.

Andylion · 16/04/2024 18:33

Don’t send off. Walk sideways like a crab.

Swipe left for the next trending thread