friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

Exactly this. Just say no if you don't want to go instead of trying to shame her.

Your children are teenagers. How much looking after do they need?

If you don't want to go, don't go.

But no, your friend is not being unreasonable to think that your husband and three secondary school age children will be able to survive without you for the weekend and that you might like to go away with a friend.

I have a three year old and a one year old and I will be leaving them both in the very capable hands of their father for a full week three times in the next 9 months.

Why are you so irked, OP? I mean, you've started a thread about it and you're clearly annoyed by your friend for asking you. Are you in two minds?

Perhaps your family wouldn't mind your going? If you think you might like to go then why not ask them?

If it's not what you want to do then just politely decline. No big deal either way.

Your reaction is odd, why can’t a simple “not free that weekend” be enough? Why are you turning this in to is my friend being unreasonable … very odd

Which bank holiday?

Early May?
Late May?
August?

If you don’t want to then just say no. You’re being extremely weird about this.

@Bigbusheyeyebrows

YABU. A MAN wouldn't think twice about popping off for a weekend with his mate(s.) Your kids are not toddlers. (And even if they were you should still go, because as I said, any MAN would!)

YABU to blame your friend for not realising you hold quite frankly odd views about bank holidays. Absolutely fine fo feel you'd rather prioritise family time but why on earth would you assume friend would know that without asking, and also why on earth would you be offended by a kind invitation? Just say no.

Sounds fun.. what’s your issue?!

She is not unreasonable asking you. You are not unreasonable not wanting to go.
You are unreasonable thinking that she is unreasonable making you that offer.
Plenty of people with kids like yours go on friends holidays and they enjoy the time.

Of course you could; they're 12, 14 and 15, not 2, 4 and 5. You'll be lucky if they get up in the mornings at those ages anyway!

Personally, if i could afford it and my husband was home, I'd consider going and having a break with a friend.

I cannot believe you are offended by someone aaking this. Your reaction is very odd. Is this thread real?

I’m not sure why it being a bank holiday is that relevant if everyone can cope without you and you don’t have specific plans. You’re making it sound like she’s asked about Christmas Day.

Probably don’t mention your family if you give her a reason when you say no. She clearly doesn’t have any plans with her family (and might be feeling lonely or sad about that) and would like to spend some time away with her friend. She hasn’t done anything wrong in asking and obviously hasn’t anticipated that you’d think it’s unreasonable

Your kids are not young, they will be fine. If you don’t want to go then don’t but there’s not need to be shitty about it.

She’s not BU, lots of people leave their teen kids and go away for the weekend. Unless you dc have SN’s then they are perfectly capable of surviving a weekend without you. I would love a weekend away with a friend, sadly my dd has SN’s and I’m a single parent so it’s a bit tricky.

Its also fine to tell her you don’t want to go.

It’s not a preference for staying at home with her family that makes her smug, it’s the idea that her friend should have known not to ask her to go away, because ‘everyone’ apparently should know ‘BHs are for family”.

There’s no harm in her asking! You might fancy a child-free weekend once in a while, some people in your position would welcome a change of scene. If you don’t, fair enough, but she’s not being weird by simply asking the question. Just politely decline and take a rain check. (In about 10 years when your children have grown up and flown the nest, probably.)

Bit harsh, some people enjoy being at home with their family on Bank holidays.
Doesn't make them "smug as fuck"

haha completely sums the lunacy up!

I think you sound smug as fuck tbh. The superiority of the "family at home" oozes out of you.

Sometimes it's also nice to support other people. Her home life is clearly different and maybe you could be empathetic and support this.

So you've come up with a really random rule that bank holidays are sacred family time but cannot articulate why.

You are offended that your friend asked you away when surely she knows that you cannot up and leave your family? Except you up and leave your family for weeks at a time.

Oh but it's the bank holiday bit that's the issue. You have no idea why you've come up with this random rule but you expect your friend to know about it and follow it. To the point you're annoyed she even asked you!

Totally understandable. I have lost a few friends because they asked me to go for dinner on the second Wednesday of the month. Surely they know that I can't just up and go out then. I could go out any other time but not the second Wednesday of the month. Why? It just feels weird to me. Like how can I just leave my family? Oh no, any other Wednesday is ok.

Not really sure what your looking for in this thread. If doing something without your family on a bank holiday freaks you out that much don't go and suggest another weekend and both book Monday as annual leave.

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I do this every year, except my DC are 4, 2 and 6 months and I’m gone from Wednesday morning to Monday night.

It’s fine if you think this. But not everyone has signed up for the ‘BHs are family time’ schtik. You are not being unreasonable to decline. But you are deeply unreasonable to think she should have ‘known’ not to ask you.

And you don’t get to fume when your teenagers fester in their rooms all weekend, not having got the memo.

You are massively overreacting and sound like hard work.

Ffs you’re being weird just say no. What a thing to get upset over - I pity your friend.