Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

563 replies

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

OP posts:
burnttoad · 16/04/2024 22:04

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:11

I'm not a martyr, all of them can cope without me. There is no SEN or safe guarding issues. Partner is a great dad. Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.

It just doesn't sit right with me to swan off on a bank holiday weekend. Any other weekend would be fine, but there is something about it being a bank holiday, imo.

Edited

Why?

girlfriend44 · 16/04/2024 22:03

Hope you thanked her for asking. Not everyone has a friend that would ask them to go away.

burnttoad · 16/04/2024 22:03

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Lots of people takeaway from their families for a few days. Both mums and dads separately with friends. It's normal.

PrinceYakimov · 16/04/2024 22:00

It sounds like you think being separated from your kids on the special holy Bank Holiday Weekend is OK for her but not for you? Not sure how you're going to explain that tactfully

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 16/04/2024 22:00

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:11

I'm not a martyr, all of them can cope without me. There is no SEN or safe guarding issues. Partner is a great dad. Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.

It just doesn't sit right with me to swan off on a bank holiday weekend. Any other weekend would be fine, but there is something about it being a bank holiday, imo.

Edited

Twaddle. There is nothing special about a bank holiday, unless you are religious and it coincides with one of the religious festivals.

MyDentistIsCalledCrentist · 16/04/2024 21:58

I don't see any reason why it would be selfish to have a few days off from looking after your children.

I could understand your reticence if the youngest was two and you had to leave them with a grandparent, but if the youngest is twelve and you're leaving them at home with their dad, you'd be doing absolutely nothing wrong in taking some time for yourself.

Being actively offended by the concept of taking some time for yourself is bizarre to me.

Codlingmoths · 16/04/2024 21:55

Jesus Christ, she only asked. She didn’t steal you off the streets for a forced <checks notes> fun weekend away?? Did you really think having children means you can’t go away with friends for the next 20 or 30 years?? Of course she asked on a bank holiday, there is an extra day for going away!! There are more than a handful of them, and they are not sacred family time until your youngest dc is an adult. This is a very weird way of thinking.

niadainud · 16/04/2024 21:55

Gosh, the effrontery of a single person to ask a friend if they might like to go away for a few days. All single people should be condemned to travelling solo and should probably wear some sort of identifying label so others can avoid them.

Zanatdy · 16/04/2024 21:51

Just say no or suggest another time. I don’t think it’s bad to suggest a father parents his teens for a few days. I’ve had plenty of breaks and it would have been easier had it been bank holiday in some ways as no drop off’s. But regardless say it doesn’t work for you, end of

Londonrach1 · 16/04/2024 21:50

Your dc aren't babies. She asked you can say yes or no. It's not unreasonable either way. Tbh (with a dc aged 7 and a husband who's pretty good) it sounds amazing...I know dh support me to go if I really wanted too...do you want to go...if you do ...go...if not don't..

FreeTheBeast · 16/04/2024 21:49

She would be unreasonable to have not Invited you!

YABU very U and a bit daft!

I don't get how you are happy to go away for two weeks long haul with your friends on your own but can't consider a long weekend. That doesn't make sense.

ZenNudist · 16/04/2024 21:49

This wins today's crazy prize. Give your DH some warning so he can make plans with friends and family then you can go away. Very strange to think that bank holidays have to be spent all together.

penjil · 16/04/2024 21:47

It's for 3 DAYS....not 3 weeks!

I bet your kids and DH won't mind.

Go, OP.

Sosocold · 16/04/2024 21:46

YABU. Personally I think it's nice for your friend to ask, up to you whether you go, simples

LisaD1 · 16/04/2024 21:45

It’s an invitation not a court order, just say no thanks and unclench a little.

Minerva14 · 16/04/2024 21:44

I find your reaction really strange.

1 - I would love to go away with a good pal for a few days - anytime! Kids and husband would be fine, as you said yours would be.

2 - I find it hard to understand how you go away for two weeks with your friends every year, and feel no guilt or concern about this, but are so outraged about the thought of leaving your family for three days!

Your kids are well past the young needy stage.

Everyone lives their life differently, but the contradiction between 2 weeks annually ok and a one off 3 days, causing such consternation is hard to understand.

I think your friend might be better off finding another travel mate. I wouldn’t be delighted to suggest a nice trip to a good friend and find them getting in a tizz about it on mumsnet rather than just saying, “Sorry BH are sacrosanct family time for us”.

Flamingos89 · 16/04/2024 21:44

You can say no….. but she isn’t out of order for asking her friend if she fancies a break…. Don’t know why your so offended tbh

BuddyBuddyBumBum · 16/04/2024 21:43

Fuck sake, imagine getting absolutely raging at a friend suggestion a few days away together 🤣

Bobbotgegrinch · 16/04/2024 21:41

Absolutely fucking batshit.

If you don't want to go, then don't go! But to suggest that your friend is somehow in the wrong for a perfectly normal suggestion is just plain weird.

Orangello · 16/04/2024 21:41

It is a massive decision OP

It really isn't. It's a weekend with a friend.

Needtofixmyageingskin · 16/04/2024 21:41

Just read your updates and find it even more bizarre. You don't mind going away for 2 week holiday without family but won't go away for 3 days because it's a bank holiday? I didn't realise there was something particularly special about bank holidays. Your friend is DEFINITELY not being unreasonable.

OnHerSolidFoundations · 16/04/2024 21:41

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Why is it selfish to have one weekend to yourself?

The kids are teens so presumably you haven't had a weekend away their whole lives?!!

Just go op. Honestly you'll have a nice time & might even chill-out!!

Ceebs85 · 16/04/2024 21:40

Mine are much younger and I'd jump at the chance

TeenLifeMum · 16/04/2024 21:39

I spent most of last bank holiday in B&Q and doing diy while dc entertained themselves. Am I doing bank holidays wrong?

OnHerSolidFoundations · 16/04/2024 21:39

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 16/04/2024 17:42

It is a massive decision OP
Think about it, sleep on it. Then think about it and sleep on it and then give her your answer

If I was in your shoes and they asked me - I'd be honoured and then politely tell them, "thank you for your kind offer but I can't..."

Honestly, it is really as simple as that

Why the drama?

Swipe left for the next trending thread