friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

Funny how the OP doesn’t find all their other trips away without their family mean (even though they’re longer) just because they don’t fall on a bank holiday…..

It doesn’t explain the weirdness. What’s weird is that the OP prioritises long trips away with people that aren’t their child or partner then freaks out when someone’s dares to suggest they go away for a weekend just because it happens to be a bank holiday.
That’s weird…..

@Goodtogossip

she and hubby spend 1/3 of school holidays (4 weeks) off on independent jollies with friends.

This then puts more emphasis on bank holidays being for family time and explains the weirdness.

She's not BU by asking, same as you're not BU to say no if it doesn't suit you.
Why are you so miffed that a friend has asked if you'd like to go away with her for the weekend? You're being very weird about it.

In your own words: 'I just think it's mean to go away on a BH with mates, if you have family at home. I'm clearly in the minority on this !'
So my question is WHY are you even asking for our opinion when you clearly aren't going to take up your friend's offer but more to the point, how can and why do you perceive her asking you as 'being selfish'?! Maybe it was a little thoughtless but HONESTLY, what a fuss over nothing!!🙄
If you don't feel able to leave the family on a bank holiday just tell you friend

how you feel, that it was a nice thought and there's always another time!! 😊

I do think UABU BUT I think I understand where you are coming from too!

When my kids were small - many of my mum friends were really excited by bank holidays as their husbands all worked in office based big city jobs, they (husbands) rarely saw the kids at all in the week and rarely got any time off.

To them a bank holiday was ‘special’ as it was extra family time and they would inevitably do something nice as a family unit (go to zoo or theme park etc)

To me whose husbands works shifts and who usually had to work bank holidays - I found, like the weekend - a bank holiday is just another day and has no special place in my heart.

I think the OP ‘outrage’ is because she views a BH as a bonus family day and wouldn’t dream of taking away from this precious time to have a jolly alone.

It’s just a perception thing depending on where you are coming from !

it's lonely single parenting and bank holidays can be the pits!! I get why she asked you.

What does the bank holiday have to do with it?

This.

You are massively unreasonable.
Your friend sounds lovely. You should feel happy that she's chosen you to spend her child free time with.
She's parenting alone so she's very deserving of a nice break somewhere nice, whilst you have a husband at home to share the load and to watch your old enough kids while you're away!
Perhaps she also has single mum friends who don't have cover that weekend and she knows that you do, so she asked you along to spend time with you because you CAN without the worry of small children!

Your post is just odd IMO.

How is it selfish to invite you on holiday?! You lunatic. You just say no thanks. The real issue is you’re jealous because you’ve decided you can’t. Which probably isn’t true; your partner and teens will likely be just fine without you. You do sound bitter. Probably better for her if she finds someone nicer to go with.

She goes away for a fortnight each year leaving husband and kids at home so can't see why she'd feel guilty over 3 days

She's not being unreasonable asking - it's 3 days, not 3 months - and you're not unreasonable for saying no. Just say no, simple.

Not sure what the point of your post/question is?🙄I think you have already decided that it doesn't feel quite right going off by yourself and leaving your family at home, BUT I also get the sense that maybe you would love to actually say yes to your friend's invitation and are looking for validation from the community to allow yourself this indulgence?! 🤔Only you can decide what to do as there are surely variables to consider? Does your partner ever do something similar or does he spent time regularly with his friends without you? Your children are no longer at the ages where they need constantly entertaining so if asked they might be really happy for you to have this time to yourself? Surely the best thing to do is to discuss it with your family and then make the decision...You have to be sure though because there would be no point going away with your friend and spending the whole time feeling guilty!! 😱

I wouldn't have gone, but she can ask of course. I do hope she u derstands your reason for not going has nothing to do with your friendship.

My DH would've been fully behind me going if a friend did this. Why not? Sometimes being a Mum is hard and you need respite just to have time to yourself. You clearly feel differently but your friend thought it would be a nice thing to do.

Of course she is being unreasonable. The friend can ask, she can say no. I just think her thought process described in the post literally wouldn’t even enter a man’s head!

Woman who go away and leave the men and children are bad mothers didn’t you know ? 😂what will they eat ? What will they possibly do without the mother there . Op you have made a rod for your own back and are giving everyone else the free reign to mum shame you - you sanctioned this you set the bar and you will be the one who misses out .

single woman in particular with no responsibilities don’t deserve to have all that free time - it does make smug married feel better though . Look at me I’ve got kids and a hubby I am a martyr .

have the balls to tell your friend what you think ? Is it that you can’t or won’t ? Why is that maintaining an image or too scared how it will look if you opt out .

don’t live your life for others opinions of you be authentic be real - harsh but true sorry

Don't you ever go away or do anything without your family, though? I can't imagine that.

You have different lifestyles and that's ok but calling her selfish seems very out of order. As a single mother I find those times I don't have my children really difficult and very lonely. I keep myself occupied and like my own company.
But I am the person who doesn't ask her friends to do anything because I don't want to disturb their family time. However it would be nice to spend some of those times meeting with friends or going away and sometimes I feel if my friends cared about me they may consider this too.

Sorry but are you mad????? Your kids are old enough to manage without you for a long weekend, hubby should definitely step up and have a weekend with the kids. Your friend is not unreasonable to invite you and you would most definitely not be unreasonable to go! God I wouldn't hesitate. Can I go in your place if you decide not to go?!

I must have missed that bit! I didn't realise she went away for 2 weeks on her own! Wow! Lucky her!

I'm perhaps it's the shame she feels from having a two week solo holiday very year?

Agree prob won’t return add Bh to the list of sacred days if your that tight as a family every day important - reckon more to this story . The shame she feels is coming from somewhere .

But do you think the OPs friend was out of order for asking? Especially given the OP has a two week holiday every year without her partner and kids.

Our group of friends go away most years for a long weekend. I missed last year since I had literally just given birth. Most of the friends have kids at home. They also have another parent that looks after them.

if you don’t want to go then don’t, but YABVU to be annoyed at your friend for wanting you to go on holiday with her.