To be expected to run around after another's child?

@Blondeandbeautifullol - there are a number of really well worded messages on this thread that you could send to the other girl's mum. I do understand your trepidation, but you have all of us behind you, supporting you.

I think that a clear, polite message to her, and another one to the coach, outlining the situation and making it clear you won't be able to take the child home any more, is the best way to go.

You will be showing your dd how to stand up for yourself, and it is possible that, without her built-in chauffeur, the other mum will let her dd drop the activity altogether, which will make your dd happier.

I also think it would be a good idea, as a previous poster suggests, to give the school a heads up so they can be on the look out for any backlash from this child.

Exactly.

Remove yourself from this drama. If you must preempt it:

’just a heads up Beeatch mum, I’m not going to be able to drop daughter home from x activity’

If asked why, ‘it doesn’t fit with our plans’

Just say no. Let the coach know that you have not agreed to collect/drop this child.

Just send her this message.

Hi Queen Bee.
Just to let you know due to personal problems , I can not take your child to or from any events.
Thanks x.

Then tell the coach as well.
Not to ask as the answer will be no.
Then tell your daughter as well ... no lifts ever...
If she asks just got for food or shopping that night.

Send the mum a text saying if you want your dd to attend the coaching sessions then she will have to do the drop off and collection.
Speak to the coach and say you will no longer be responsible for dropping off or picking up this girl so please do not pass on messages asking me to.
You need to do your best for your dd who sounds like is thriving in this sport and also sounds like it will be taken away from her by this other girl.

This child is not always kind to my daughter

I actually feel sorry for children who’s parents are too much of a wimp to speak up. Imagine having a girl that’s not always nice to you, sitting with you in your MUM’S car. I’d hate that!

Just say you can’t do it and keep it moving

I should say your daughter is learning from you how to be sweet and naive.

You need to demonstrate your backbone by putting your family first.
It's absolutely not your role to take home a child who has not been collected from the club. It's the club's responsibility and they shouldn't be asking any parent to do it.
If you refuse, and the child is uncollected, the club may solve the problem for you by withdrawing her place.

This is a problem you need to nip in the bud now. You wouldn’t be unreasonable to use the phrasing you’ve mentioned in your OP but if it were me I wouldn’t explain anything - a simple no will suffice. And the same to the coach - who you need to tell upfront that you have no arrangement with this childs’ parents, it’s not convenient for you to give them a lift and you won’t be doing it. Again no explanation needed. This childs’ parents insisted she take part in this activity solely so that she can compete against your daughter. Now they find that the day and time is not convenient for themselves so they’re trying to palm off the responsibility onto you. All you have to do is say no, it’s not convenient. And you do NOT owe them an explanation. MN has a good take on these situations ‘No is a complete sentence’.

Set a good example to your daughter, just say not possible any longer. Then block.

How will your daughter feel when she looks back and realizes you enabled her bully? Just say no, it doesn't suit.

Silly woman, shouldn't be committing her child to something she can't facilitate.

I can’t stand copycat frenemies. Super annoying 💩 behaviour.

I voted YABU because you are being a mug. Not because I believe you should give the girl a lift.

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back.

Do you have 'doormat' tattooed on your forehead?

Say no.

This isn't hard.

I don't get why you are making it into a drama. This isn't a problem for you to solve.

I really don't understand what you are finding so difficult here.

It's 4 miles out if your way! That's the reason why you won't do it.

As for her dd being mean to yours, we'll that's going to happen anyway! You can't buy her off with lifts, she's a bitch and that won't change. So save yourself the aggro and tell dd the truth about the other girl. You should help her stand up for herself and not get suckered again.

I've put YABU only because my mind boggles that you would entertain this!!

The best way for your daughter to break out of this cycle of being treated poorly is for you to model it. You describe yourself being in the exact same position, scared to stand up for yourself because the 'queen bee mum' will turn everyone against you. How can your daughter learn qualities of strength and independence to help her develop solid relationships if she (and the other children) are surrounded by adults who still act like this.
Nearly every sentence you write is about how your power is taken away by the mother. And at the same time you are facilitating her and driving her child around. Of course you can leave her child at the training site. It's the only way to stand up to them.
If you grow a pair then your daughter will start to aswell. The power isn't in this other 'Alpha mum's' hands (ridiculous idea that just justifies everyone else's weakness). The only power you have is your own. Your daughter needs to see you use it.

“ now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back.”

No you don’t have to. Send a text saying that it’s no longer convenient to take ‘friend’. If the mum says friend can’t get there, just reply repeating the above and saying it’s not your responsibility to take her. Maybe even go as far as saying that if this this club training isn’t working out, she should find another club more suited to her schedule.

Don't teach your kid that she needs to suck it up for queen bees and their followers.

Just tell the mother - you can't pick up and drop the girl. No explanation needed.

You dont 'have' to do this.

Just say - 'Hope X is enjoying the club. I've received a few messages from you regarding picking up your child. Just wanted to let you know that I wont be able to do this anymore'

Or when she messages you, just say - ' Hi, No i wont be able to'

X

Stop being a doormat and just say "No".

This is a great post. I can well believe your DD needs confidence, OP, and that she is good at this activity. It is great that you are working on this.

But tween and teen girls are generally not angels or daemons and your DD does see something in this girl. It isn’t the girl’s fault that her mum is a bitch and strands her after coaching lessons. She probably cringes inside whenever the coach needs to ask you to give her a ride.

That doesn’t mean it needs to be your problem. Start telling the mum no, and tell the coach that because of your family’s needs it isn’t possible for you to continue to go out of your way to give this girl rides. Maybe say something vague about how the mum had once mentioned ride sharing ‘but as you can see, that didn’t work out’ <tinkly laugh>.

Def tell DD to be vague with the girl if she brings it up - it’s between mums. I think it would help everyone’s confidence to have genuine plans the first few weeks, going somewhere direct from lessons or needing to be home sharpish for something.

Although you shouldn’t be telling others why you can no longer give rides, you may feel much better if this is true for a few weeks and it may be easier on DD as well. Just until the habit is broken

Msg the mum today and say I won't be able to look after or wait with or anything else from now on. Don't ask the coach to ask me . Don't involve me.
I think I may be to blunt but I don't get why more people are not like this.
She is obviously using you and knows you won't refuse .
The coach is responsible if she doesn't show up . Not you .

Definitely pre-warn the coach if you can. All you need to say is something like 'I know X's mum sometimes contacts you about how X will be getting home, so I just wanted you to know that I'm not able to take her. X's mum knows but I wanted to let you know just to avoid any confusion.' You don't need to give any reasons and could do this in person or by e-mail/text.

I run some children's activities and have experienced CF parents trying to push staff and other parents in to being their taxi service. They are probably already aware that she is a CF (who else would contact the coach during the session to basically ask them to tell someone else to transport their child?). If a parent told me this, I would realise they'd had enough and would inform the CF parent that they need to make sure they can collect their child themselves before they drop them off. They'd only need to ignore this once to be told that their child can no longer come to the sessions.

I wouldn't say every week. Say once that it is no longer convenient and ignore further requests. If she queries say you were busy and didn't see. I used to be so polite about these things but there are so many cheeky fuckees around these days.

I think you need to be brave - text this person - "I am not able to provide transport for your daughter to x club and because you keep putting me in a difficult position by expecting me to do this without asking I am now removing your number from my phone. Please don't ask me again".

Then block the number. If the coach asks you to give the child a lift back say "sorry I'm not able to" - the parent will soon stop it when the coach has to take the child back or hang on for the late parent.

Be brave.