To be expected to run around after another's child?

Grow up.

Don't whinge on here. Tell HER it's not covienient for you to do this.

WHY are you helping HER child gain one over on your child. Grow a backbone. Your poor child has to watch you being told what to do by this parent, how can she respect you for that! Gobsmacking how ridiculous this is. Sort it out.

It’s bad enough if being abit wet and a people pleaser prejudices you but when it negatively affects your child you need to change sorry.

If you were friends with the mum, or the girls were good friends, I'd be suggesting a week each, or you drop off and she picks up or vice versa (which is what we do for Scouts - parents and kids both good friends).

But for a parent you don't know well and kids who don't get on? Fuck that! Just say no, it's not convenient.

Jesus- grow a pair. Spell it out in small words to the coach. Let them know you are fed up with being saddled with frenemy and you will not be ubering kid in either direction. They are not your child’s friend at school and mum is playing games. If mum messages coach then coach is to reply that they are to collect child themself or they will report to SS.

@Blondeandbeautifullol

I'm not going to repeat the advice to 'just say no'. Oops, I did repeat it!

But having a quiet word with the coach either before or after saying "Coach, I just wanted to let you know that I will no longer be facilitating transporting 'Sissy' to and fro, nor will I be staying late with her if her mum doesn't show. I've told her mother but if she contacts you to ask me just be aware that the answer will be no".

I have a feeling that if Coach is stuck waiting for 'Sissy's' mum or is asked to personally transport her, Coach will be dropping 'Sissy' from the class. That would be a 'result' for you AND for her if she really doesn't want to attend.

You just say no. That doesn't work for you.

You're not abandoning a child at the club. Her mother is.

No. If the coach asks you then say it to them too. No, that doesn't work for you. She'll have to sort something herself.

Stop pleasing other people at your DD's expense.

I've said YABU as I can't see why you're involved at all? Just don't take them there or back? Invent errands if needed...

It is all very sad yes, but as the mum of your DC it’s up to you to sort it out. Message alpha mum and say you can’t take or bring her DC back anymore and not to send her if she’s unable to collect her in future as you can’t do it

I actually can’t believe she had the nerve to manipulate you by going direct to the coach.

That’s deeply manipulative and I’d probably even put in an informal complaint to the school team coach.

Say you can never do it again, and then at the end of the message include your bank details so that she can transfer £12 to cover the 16 miles cumulative petrol costs.

Tbh, I’d be tempted to take the child home one more time and tell her in no uncertain terms how unmannerly and entitled her mother is.

For goodness sake woman - just say no!

All these excuses! 'Personal problems', and inventing reasons why you can't do it. It's not a matter of can't - you won't.
Hi X, just to let you know I won't be transporting Y to and from sport from now on. It's inconvenient and out of my way. You will need to make your own arrangements.
Don't say you're sorry, you're not. Don't make excuses, you don't need to and it opens the door for her to suggest solutions.
I probably wouldn't email the coach. I'd just speak to him next time on arrival and tell him that you don't have an arrangement to ferry the child about, so he needs to be aware of that if the mother rings him again, because you will not be taking them home.

I agree with this.

From your OP "now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back"

No you don't have to do this.

Just state that you can't do it any longer. No need to invent a reason or anything (no-one has a right to know your reasons even if they are rude enough to ask).

If you block her, she can't then keep going on at you. If you don't block her, your going to have to keep reinforcing what you have said (don't attempt to justify it as you don't have to) "I can no longer do this" and keep repeating it.

If she doesn't collect, tell the coach that you cannot do this any longer and they will have to sort the issue themselves. It is not your problem. She needs to parent her own child and not dump them on someone else.

It is massively inconvenient for you and they don't reciprocate. On top of that, they aren't even nice! The mother seems to be a very pushy parent and happy to use other people.

Same!

Sorry OP I know how hard it is when children/school friends/queen bees are involved.

I think I would reply,these requests seem to be every week and I really dont want to get into a lift share situation with anyone,I much prefer to take and collect my own child so you will have to make other arrangements.
Then do not open anymore messages from her.
If the coach approaches you just say sorry but Im not taking anyone else child home.

I know she hasnt offered you a lift share but that might give her something to think about,like what are you getting out of this

Sort her schedule

It is between the other mum and the sport club if a parent fails to collect on time.
Let her explain to coach why she's not there, she'll soon sorry get schedule or withdraw the child if you don't mop up her problem... but you tell coach you haven't agreed, weren't asked and aren't going to step into a in loco parentis situation

Jeez just say no

This!
our old school gave 10 mins before they phoned social services to say a child had been abandoned. I assume a coach would be the same.

I can’t quite believe this?

surely just say no can do? She’s not even a friend.

Hi, I am sorry if you are relying on me to give your daughter pick ups and drop offs from the coaching. This will not be happening in future as it is four miles out of my way and requires extra waiting around. You have texted the coach on multiple occasions when I have not replied which puts extra pressure on everyone to conform to your wants.

At school our children are not good mates and so there is no reciprocal benefit. Your child got very angry when she wasn’t picked for the regatta which makes for uncomfortable journeys. For your information, your daughter has said to me that she doesn’t enjoy going, and it’s boring but you said it will look good on a university application. If you are already looking that far ahead, hobbies that she enjoys and are related to the career path she wants to follow, would be more beneficial.
Best wishes,

You seem quite entwined with the perceived social dynamics - "alpha mum", "queen bee student", etc.

I totally get that - it can be very immersive and all-encompassing, but I think it would help if you could take a step back, regain some perspective and remember that this is just a group of random people, whose only thing in common is living in the same area and going to the same school. You really do not have to buy into anything they try and portray. Just let it go.

Focus on nourishing and celebrating your own and DD's life. Forget giving this child a lift. Just tell the mum that actually this arrangement isn't working out for you and you won't be able to do it any more, and STICK TO IT! In a few years your daughter will be out of this school. Don't get so invested. Focus on "real life", focus on your daughter, forget the other nonsense. Help DD develop this ability too. <3

i'd just text her :

'from next week i'm afraid i cant offer any more lifts to and from sports club, we have other things to do straight after sports and its too inconvenient adding XXX amount of time to go out of my way to pick up / drop off, so just letting you know in advance so you can make other arrangements, best x '.

I'd then let the coach know that he needs to liaise directly with the other girls mum and that you are not picking up or dropping this girl off any longer.

done

You say no. “Sorry I can’t take X tonight”. “Sorry I can’t wait with X tonight I’ll let the coach know you are running late though”. “Sorry can’t take X home”. No explanation and no follow up. Ignore any follow up texts from her.

If she asks then tell her the truth or tell her you aren’t going to say as it’s a personal matter you don’t feel comfortable discussing outside of the family. Not a lie…. The matter is that you can’t stand her or her child…. but she doesn’t need to know that!

@Blondeandbeautifullol

Just tell her it's far too much one way,

It's not even a friendship,
So why should i even inconvenience myself ,

and tell her that you feel like you are just being Used by her,
or
Or
Say to her why do i or why am i feeling like i am being used 🤔 by you,

Whenever i come across you then at School yard then?

Or
Start asking her for favours that inconvience her to such extant,

that she wants to swerve you every time she sees you coming near her, like you have the bubonic plague The black death of medieval ages,
L.o l 🤣🤣🤣