To be expected to run around after another's child?

OP as others have said put your child first.

I wouldn’t be saying that if this was a mother & child you liked and the mum really needed the help and it wasn’t out of your way. None of that is the case.

Her passing the message through the coach is beyond cheeky to both you & coach. The coach should also tell her to do one, she’s paying for the coaching it’s not for the coach to work out how the kids get home.

The whole situation sounds beyond painful, I dread all that competition BS between bloody kids.

I agree with this. Confidence in managing piss takers like this woman doesn't come naturally to a lot of us, these skills have to be consciously learned and it is really hard initially.

A couple of things that could help (based on what I have learned as a formerly unassertive person):

You need to advocate for your child, so you are doing your job as a parent in saying 'no' to this. Treat it as you would if handling any unpleasant but necessary task at work.

You ask how you can get her to see reason eg 'How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid', but the reality is you can't because she is not reasonable. So don't engage or discuss it, just tell her how it's going to be.

Don't tell yourself you're 'upset' when what you actually are is angry. Your anger needs to outshout your fear.

If you wait until you feel comfortable asserting yourself you will wait a very long time. Accept that it is going to be uncomfortable even unnatural and that you will probably feel nervous and it may show - and that's OK. Say what you need to say, say it badly if need be but just say it.

Decide what you are going to say (civil and concise is best) and stick to it. Refuse to engage beyond that, if she argues or gets angry just 'It's a shame you feel that way'.

Just tell her no, her child is not your responsibility. No more picking up, watching or dropping her kid off. I have no idea why you are putting up with this crap as you don't seem to like either mother or her child.

I voted yabu because you should just say no. It’s no longer convenient for me. You need to make other arrangements.

How did giving a lift home once turn in to you driving the kid both ways Just say nope your unable to.

THEN WE MUST BE EVEN SCARIER!

<cruel to be kind>. 😇

Honestly OP, it won't be as bad as you think.

Tell us which "Go f*ck yourself" text you send, and what her response is.

You are being unreasonable in not saying no. Say no.
'Bring my child home!'
'No, I like being alone with my own child.'

op is obviously terrified of this woman.

Grow a backbone, why are you doing this, just say no. You don’t need a reason, the fact you don’t seem to like her or her child makes it even stranger you’re doing them this favour

Just say no. I’ve put YABU, because you’re letting yourself be used and then being annoyed about it

“Can no longer help with taking/watching/dropping off your daughter so please sure you’re there for her from now on”

Simple, she’s a CF, she’s just using you.

if she comes on playground to talk about it. Same thing « I am sorry, I won’t be able to », move away.

I think these girls are at secondary school, so no school gate pick ups.

Don't get involved in petty sports compeitiveness. The school should be ensuring that all children get a crack at everything in a team. That's how they learn new skills.

But just decline when you're asked. "Sorry I can't wait with your child tonight or do X,Y, Z. I have other family commitments.

Once other mum realises she can't rely on you, she'll make other arrangments.

Quick text on day of activity. Hi x, transporting y isn't working for me, for various reason, so you will need to make other arrangements from today. Your name. If she asks say you don't want to go in to it.

Bit different if it's a CF who asks you when you're there, says they can't make it, knowing that most people wouldn't leave a child (though they technically may be a teenager) stranded with no easy way to get home.

The other point here is that the other girl is a nasty, manipulative Queen Bee/QB in training type who runs rings around OP's DD and uses her for her own ends. Why should OP give this girl a lift anymore? I wouldn't.

Tell her you can't as you have to drop your daughter for her extra coaching in whatever the activity is she does.

The thing is it is really easy to fall into this. One off lifts are fine. I've been asked by school parents to give their child a lift. Not cfs, just genuine parents who need a one off favour. Of course I say yes. But how do you know on the first ask if they are a reasonable person needing one off help or someone who is going to ask you every week till the end of time!

That!

that is not just cheecky…you are enabling a direct possible upset for your daughter… if that other girl takes indeed her place…how will your daughter react??

just say that you are not able to continue. And BLOCK!

if she comes on playground to talk about it. Same thing « I am sorry, I won’t be able to », move away.

Just say you’re not able to commit to anymore lifts…

”I won’t be able to transport x to and from the club any more - I’m afraid you’ll need to make alternative arrangements.”

that is all that’s needed. Polite and final.

God NO!

Don't take her home - you'll end up feeding her and she'll be there until yon time because her mother won't give her a second thought until SHE is good and ready.

Sorry, I don't have the extra time to do this. Xx

That's the problem when you're nice, others who aren't take advantage. What a CF, she has a child who is unpleasant to yours and doing the same coaching to compete AGAINST them, then asking you to be her taxi! Some people really are relentlessly self deluded/rude/take the piss. Xx

Either say, "no sorry that doesn't work for me", arrange to go somewhere else afterwards or drive her to your own house so her mum still has to come and get her, or ask her which lift she would like to do each week - take them both or do pick up. It's her choice to have a career that is very important to her. It's not for the rest of the world to facilitate it.

@Blondeandbeautifullol you say in your op "now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back"

Why?

Who says you have to do this?

This child is not your responsibility.

Channel your inner Zammo #showingmyage