To be expected to run around after another's child?

This. Long term solution is to help your daughter see what friends are supposed to be and recognise people who aren't.

Oh, I agree. But if you are going to have a satisfying and well-balanced adult life of friendships, relationships, workplace interactions etc, it's completely necessary, however hard it is.

Absolutely, but sometimes it takes a while to build confidence to get to that point of being able to. We all learn and evolve ( well, hopefully positively) as we age so the 46 year old Jenny may respond very differently to the 26 year old Jenny in a similar situation.

I'm still learning and I'm late 50s I look back at things I've done (or not done and should have) and wonder what I was scared of but perspective changes over time too. I was bullied as a minority going to and from school every day on a bus, to survive it was put up with it because to retaliate would have either condemned you and your siblings. The treatment extended to my parents. It was a threatening environment. So I was conditioned into accepting certain treatment. As I grew up comments others got very upset over didn't seem to affect me the same, it was only as I matured that I realised i should have been upset, I shouldn't have accepted it as I was being disrespected and needed to draw different boundaries. It was a steep learning curve. Not everyone is the same.

I was brought up in a similar manner. My role was to make everyone else's life easier. It's a very tough habit to break.

I certainly wasn't 'built' with it. I was brought up by a chronic people-pleaser to never say no, to consider myself last out of everyone around me, to believe that if someone needed to be inconvenienced, that person should obviously be me, to think that confident self-prioritisation was the worst possible crime for a woman. I don't think my upbringing was that unusual. But it's your adult responsibility to unravel and unlearn unhelpful beliefs your childhood may have inculcated in you. No one can do it for you, and you don't get a free pass because of your upbringing or 'timidity'.

Not everyone is built with the inner confidence of so many on this forum. Some dont like confrontation, or are more timid by nature overall, so while the 'no' is a small word it can be difficult to say to the bullish types as this woman appears to be. I used to be like this, still am a bit but not as bad as I was, life, circumstance and age have made me more forthright. It doesn't make living with the fallout of that 'no' any easier though. Good luck op, wing this womans doormat won't do your self confidence a y good so even a carefully constructed big fat lie of other commitments prohibiting you from being available is the best way to go maybe. Good luck.

I'm hoping the OP will come back with a positive outcome. My thoughts are it's not your responsibility, if the mum doesn't arrive the coach will have to deal with it. You're not abandoning anyone. The mother and daughter will never change, so try and get some distance from them, put your daughter first.

"Sorry no, can't wait/drop off, got other plans"

Yabu cos you need to grow a set and say no! This woman is taking the piss cos you're allowing her to do so. No one can make us feel anything, we do that all by ourselves and the resentment you've built is all your own. She has every right to have her child on a sports team however its her responsibility to get said child from A to B.

I don't think the OP is going to come back on here.

Just say no, even if she's text you last minute, tell her you have other engagments after and can't drop her kid home. You have to leave her in the learch to stop her relying on you. She's clearly on purpose asking you lastminute so you feel obliged to say yes. She is taking advantage of your good nature. The only way to deal with people like this is to keep saying no until the get the message.

OP, why do you feel nervous about saying no?
What can this woman do to you? She may be the queen bee of the school mums but other than a few awkward exchanges and not being "friends" or being part of the "in" crowd anymore, what would you lose?
On the other hand, if you say no, you are longer obliged to put yourself out because she can't be bothered to pick up her kid and you are modelling to your daughter that friendships that are conditional on doing everything the other person wants is not a proper friendship / how to stand up for yourself or be assertive.

That exact moment I told my daughter I would co tinue driving her but not her friends. Not one, not once. My daughter agreed, the friends and their parents....not so.

I hope they ‘not agreed’ by collecting their own bloody kids! What happened after you stopped ferrying everyone?

@Blondeandbeautifullol

I demand that you tell us whether you picked up the other brat tonight and dud the usual running around.

🙄

So was I. It makes feel sad for the people being used by others, so I keep trying to cheer them on in my head. You can do this! Your family comes first, second and third!

Doesn't always work, but hope springs eternal.

It makes things a little difficult that your daughter is friends with this child occasionally, as when she is friends she'll probably want you to pick girl up etc
But IMO as girl is not nice to daughter rest of times and mum is only getting her daughter to compete with yours then NO is the obvious answer then block her , she wants her daughter to do activity it's her responsibility to sort her daughter out not yours end of,

Was hoping to hear the OP had taken action. 😕

What happened this evening?

Don't understand the OP, just say NO

You're not being unreasonable that's for sure but although I do know how difficult and unpleasant it can be to be confrontational especially when the children are involved, in this instance you're definitely being a bit of a pushover!!🙄I would have NO problem telling the other Mum that you cannot take responsibility for her child and you do not need to give ANY explanation for your action either, let her 'read between the lines' as it sounds like she needs a wake up call in!! Maybe I missed it but I don't know how old the girls are but maybe discuss it with your daughter with regards to her 'friendship' with the other girl?

I've been in a comparable position, dropping of&picking up teenaged daughter from concerts and parties always included a (large!) car filled with her friends. Sometimes I drove around for an hour in the middle of the night seeing all of them safely home. Untill I heard a telephone conversation going like this "I wont drive you, ask mom, she's crazy enough to drive around all evening and all night". That exact moment I told my daughter I would co tinue driving her but not her friends. Not one, not once. My daughter agreed, the friends and their parents ....not so. They never were MY friends anyway.

Sounds like a workable solution to me OP. You do really need to nip this in the bud now, because this situation will only get harder the longer you leave it. You may also need to speak to your daughter and give her a heads up because if you saying a consistent "No" to his manipulative parent plus saying "No - not available" to the coach the next thing is the mother/daughter will bypass you and go straight to your daughter to get what they want. You need to manage this on her behalf and refer any requests back to you, as the responsible adult, to deal with this on her behalf - as well as yours. 🌹

I wish I had been given that advice when I was growing up.

Find something to do after training - shopping, going to McDs etc. Explain you can't take the child home because you're not going straight home. Say this to the Coach as well as the Mum. And yes, you can apologetically say you cannot take this child home. It's not your problem.

Dh has drilled into our girls from primary age that if anyone is consistently unkind to you you bin them ruthlessly. I used to think he was too black and white “be kind” etc but actually he’s spot on. And good practice for future relationships too.