Page 17 | To be expected to run around after another's child?

Blondeandbeautifullol · 2024-04-16T15:23:13+00:00

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ". What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

Lavenderandbrown · 16/04/2024 19:56

@Treetertop and I are thinking the same….based on your op I do think the dynamics of copycatting the training and potential for trying out for same team position is worrisome to you so imagine in a not very distant future cheeky’sdaughter does in fact beat your child out of top ranking in the position. Imagine your daughter doesn’t even make the team because cheekydaughter has really excelled in these specialists classes…you know the very class you drove her to and from!! How will you feel then? No that doesn’t work for us anymore….just say it via phone or text. And going against the grain I wouldnt say anything peremptory to the coach it somehow implies you are responsible for the child. If asked by special coach say oh I let her mother know I am not available for rides. It’s no coincidence she’s also manipulating you via the coach.

TeaGinandFags · 16/04/2024 19:56

Just say no.

Explain to the coach that you are unable to take poppet home. It will still be with a responsible adult.

Send a text to the freeloading cow informing her that:
1)you are sadly unable to pick the poppet up

Or

to stop taking the fucking piss and to parent your own brat.

Your choice x

ZekeZeke · 16/04/2024 19:53

OP what message are you giving your daughter here?
That being a little wagon gets rewarded, that you let people walk all over you?
No, hell no.
You message Mrs CF, Hi Mrs CF, I am not in a position to drop or collect CF Junior anymore
The End.
I would also email the coach and also tell them this.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 16/04/2024 19:53

Blondeandbeautifullol · 16/04/2024 17:35

I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!

After you've said no, If the coach comes out to you to say you are taking child home - no, nothing was arranged with me. I told CF it is not possible anymore. You will have to contact CF parent & tell them to collect their child.

HAF1119 · 16/04/2024 19:50

Blondeandbeautifullol · 16/04/2024 17:35

I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!

You're not abandoning a child there - she is...

I'd send a message that's polite but firm 'hi, hope you're doing good. I can't take or bring back from club anymore as I now have other commitments, take care'

If she asks what other commitments they are it is fine to just reply - circumstances have changed and I need to stick to just going direct with mine to and from - these are family commitments and will be for the foreseeable future.

Your family commitments are - prioritising your own family, and what is convenient to you.

Anameisaname · 16/04/2024 19:46

Blondeandbeautifullol · 16/04/2024 17:35

I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!

BTW you are not abandoning a child. The parent is. Just say "sorry coach, not tonight I can't"

CoraPirbright · 16/04/2024 19:45

Blondeandbeautifullol · 16/04/2024 17:35

I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!

Good grief that’s SO rude and cheeky! I would go with “Hi CFname. Just wanted to let you know that I will not be able to take mini-CF or drop her home any more. I now have other commitments that make it impossible”. This has the double effect that she can’t really argue with ‘other commitments’ and she will drive herself crazy wondering what your daughter has now potentially taken up that she will have to copy!!

Anameisaname · 16/04/2024 19:45

TLDR: I am being asked to drive out of my way to drop a kid off. AiBU to refuse?

No, YANBU. You can choose where to drive and what kids to drop off or not. This is the benefit of being the owner of your own car! So just say "no sorry, I can't"

ByUmberViewer · 16/04/2024 19:43

Agree with the others you're not abandoning her of course you're not.

Her mother is

Also agree say no to the coach. The coach will take her home once and once only - coach won't stand for that nonsense and neither should you.

TheMamaYo · 16/04/2024 19:41

The coach is there to look after the child. You’re not leaving her destitute on her own in danger.

I hate when people say this, but I’m going to… you need to grow a backbone for CF’s like this. Just say no! Again and again. This is not your responsibility. Why are you making it your problem?

bluerosacea · 16/04/2024 19:40

You absolutely can "abandon" the child. The coaches will be in loco parentis, not you! Just ignore your phone and go home with your own child. Some people are SO cheeky

LakeTiticaca · 16/04/2024 19:38

She's ripping the piss out of you, and your DC. Ferrying around someone else's brat who doesn't even like your DC. Just tell her straight

Shinyandnew1 · 16/04/2024 19:38

Tell the coach you are sick of her asking you for lifts and won’t be doing it any more.

If she can’t come to the club, then that is her own problem.

VJBR · 16/04/2024 19:32

Look you don’t have to give a reason. If you say to the coach ‘sorry I can’t do it today’ you don’t have to say why. Then the coach or the parent will have to sort out the problem. Don’t feel guilty. The kid is not your responsibility.

Everythinggreen · 16/04/2024 19:30

Blondeandbeautifullol · 16/04/2024 17:35

I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!

You're not abandoning her though, she's not your responsibility.

Everythinggreen · 16/04/2024 19:28

Why arent you just saying no? I don't understand what the issue is with saying no.

mommybear1 · 16/04/2024 19:25

@Arconialiving has it perfectly- definitely do this. Two birds one stone.

Overthebow · 16/04/2024 19:24

Blondeandbeautifullol · 16/04/2024 17:35

I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!

Just tell the mum and the coach no. The coach will have to wait for the mum to pick her child up. Not your problem.

Arconialiving · 16/04/2024 19:20

WoolyMammoth55 · 16/04/2024 18:29

"I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!"

Hi OP, I do understand that you've been taken by surprise previously and felt on the spot so you couldn't say no.

Right now, the thing to do is to send a text message to the CF mum saying: "I have been hugely inconvenienced a couple of times now by you asking me to drop your child home at short notice. I won't be able to do this again and wanted you to know this now so that you won't ask again. Please ensure that there's some alternative emergency provision in place. If I'm put in the position of being asked again I'll have no choice but to say no, and that might distress your child. Thank you."

And for good measure send a similar one to the coach, saying: "I have been hugely inconvenienced a couple of times now by CF mum asking me, via message to you, to drop her child at short notice. I won't be able to do this again and wanted you to know this now so that you won't ask me again. I really don't want to be put in an awkward situation again, please. I have messaged CF mum directly to advise her of this. Thank you."

CF mum might reply protesting but if you ignore her then there's nothing she can do. Best of luck!

This is perfect!

SapphOhNo · 16/04/2024 19:20

Why are you being a martyr? Of course another person's child isn't your responsibility.

Blanketpolicy · 16/04/2024 19:18

Blondeandbeautifullol · 16/04/2024 17:35

I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!

You have two reasonable choices next time she appears to give you no choice -

Take the child home and go to her door and tell her not to text you again as you had somewhere important to go after the class tonight and it is not on.

Tell the coach you cannot take the child home as you are not going home tonight and leave it to the coach to sort out with the mum.

ThisOldThang · 16/04/2024 19:18

I'm currently watching Baby Reindeer with my wife. It's about a man that gets stalked by a woman.

As I said to her last night, all his problems with this woman could have been avoided if he'd stopped being so polite and just told her to fuck off.

You need to politely, or rudely, tell this woman to go fuck herself.

Arconialiving · 16/04/2024 19:16

Blondeandbeautifullol · 16/04/2024 17:35

I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!

Of course you can - coach can take the child home in that circumstance & likely the mum wouldn't do it again.

Just say no, it doesnt suit. No apologies, no excuses or made up detours & don't be drawn into conversation on it. 'No i can't, that doesn't suit' ad nauseum.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/04/2024 19:12

Blondeandbeautifullol · 16/04/2024 17:35

I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!

You absolutely can and should leave her child there. What a CF!

Call this woman and make it clear that you will not be giving any more lifts and it is her responsibility to organise her child's transport.

Comedycook · 16/04/2024 19:09

Come on op. Show some backbone. Sorry I will no longer be able to give lifts there or back...it's quite a detour and is eating into my time too much. Then leave it at that.