To be expected to run around after another's child?

YABU for putting up with this bullshit. You simply say, No - that doesn’t work for me, you need to be responsible for sorting your own child out.

Think people are being really hard on this poor woman. If she did a right out F@ck off and sort your own child you silly bit@h then it could have repercussions on her poor child at school. This woman would tell town and country how mean she was. I would manage this with you permanently going somewhere else after and can’t take her child home. End of and no offence caused. Unfortunately life is politics people. When my kids were this age I kept their friends close and their enemies closer 😝

I voted YABU because you do NOT have to do anything for that person nor their child. Why you do is a mystery that only you can solve.

Unless she is holding a member of your family as a hostage i their basement, you are allowed to say, "No, that does not work for me or my DD." Nothing further, no reason, no excuse. Just "No".

I promise, it's allowed!

I don't understand why everyone is advising OP to lie.

OP advocate for your child, do it like it's your job.

Tell this CF that you can't do it anymore because you don't want to.

If she asks for reasons, use the distance (extra 4 miles) and the fact that her child is often mean to yours. She can't argue with that.

I can’t, I’ve got other things to do. On repeat. Until she accepts it and stops asking. The entitlement of some people knows no bounds, so you have to be the one to put in the boundaries.

I have quality time in the car with DH and/or DC. We do not always stop for a McFlurry. 😂

Actually, I have joked about driving home from work or an appointment and staying in the car in the garage for some quality/quiet time. (I have a toddler, my bar for quality personal time is very low).

I guess either because it makes it more emotionally easy for them to say no in a context or because no without a reason isn’t acceptable to the other person and they won’t give up asking otherwise…

don't be so nasty!!

You need to start modelling the kind of behaviour you want your daughter to have.

Has your daughter asked you about the lifts or why you're giving them to this frenemy? You need to demonstrate to her that no misguided sense of politeness will make you let someone walk all over you.

If you write Welcome on your forehead, people are going to wipe their feet there. Don't inadvertently teach this behaviour to your daughter.

Utter cunt

I’ve been in your position, only worse because it was a longer drive with a girl I did not like and was rude to my daughter. The mum was a persistent nagging caller/texter about “can you bring X to match/home/get lunch” She took no hints, never did the driving.

She assumed I would always drive, then once I had a friend visiting and could not drive her DD home. Crisis for her. T
hen I started not replying to her texts same day & she got like a stalker sending many many texts.

Then she got her daughter started nagging my daughter which was worse!!! “My mother wants your mother to drive me” “My mother says your mother..”

Then I told the Mum I was going to be buying food & delivering & “checking in” on friend’s elderly relative after sports, and other days too. She suggested I bring her girl too!!

I suggested she contact coach & other mothers or a taxi.

It was uncomfortable for about a month, then competition season was over so no matches, just practices. The dad started to do pickup, was always late so never saw him.
I always watched the practices, hugged her immediately after practice was over and took her to the car while in deep conversation (or put phone to ear) to avoid getting ever getting face to face with that mum & asked to drive.

I encouraged friendships with other team members whose mothers were always watching and friendly too.

You don’t owe her anything.

I totally understand that you are worried if you say "no" to the mother then there might be backlash in class against your own child. On the other hand, this is almost, like, pre-emptive backlash against your child, before you've even done anything. This mother is trying to manipulate things so her child outcompetes your child, AND SHE'S USING YOU to do it. She's basically wielding you as a tool against your own child. At least if you say no to her, you'll have your dignity, and you'll be showing your child that it's not ok to be walked on.

No, that won't work for me.

This other child is not your responsibility. She is not always nice to your child. Just tell the mum that you can no longer collect/drop her off or whatever and she will need to make separate arrangements. If she is rude enough to ask why not and you do not want to rock the boat for your DD just say other commitments.

She sounds crazy.

I put up with a mum like this for years. Not in relation to the drop offs / pick ups but the competitiveness, wanting her child to be better, convinced her child was better, couldn’t see past her child yet her child caused so many issues because of her manipulative mother. Her daughter was spiteful and a bully - the product of her parenting experiences.

I finally grew a pair of balls in year 6…7 years too late and wish I had done it sooner. Challenged her about something that happened, blocked her on all social media and WhatsApp.

Don’t put up with this shit OP. Tell her now that you can’t bring her child home from the activity. Save yourself months or years of hassle. And save your daughter from months or years of being forced to spend time with someone who does not have her best interests at heart.

This is a ''no' is a complete sentence' situation. You say no, I'm not doing this anymore. Don't explain or apologise, just say no.

I would just send a message saying it's not possible for me to give any more lifts from now on and I would leave it at that. It's up to her what she does with it. It sounds like she's had a lifetime of ordering people around so she should be able to sort something out

Sorry I'm not being free childcare for my child's bully and her enabler.

What are you thinking?!! No wonder your daughter is pushed around by this other girl. What kind of example have you set? You have no boundaries. In fact, you’ve just helped to make your DD’s hobby that little bit worse by driving her frenemy back and forth. If someone crosses my child, that’s it. They’re dead to me. Why are you helping these two?! Why is your self esteem so low that you can’t bear to say no?

Your plans are to spend quality time with your child, possibly at a restaurant, maybe even the MacDonalds drive thru

Or possibly even just being able to go straight home!

By taking her child, you risk being exposed to potential false rumours and or claims made by the frenemy, who has already shown herself to be manipulative.. It’s better to have boundaries in place and keep your arrangements separate.

Stop your victim mentality of this happening to you and your child. You have every choice to say no and seem to not be able to which is creating your child being in a worse position.

Just say, no that does not work for me and repeat.

Hi QueenBeeMum, I just wanted to give you a heads up that our schedule is changing and I’m not going to be able to give QueenBeeJunior a lift to or from practice anymore.

If she asks why - I’ve now got some standing arrangements with family.

If she asks what - oh, family stuff, you know

If she doesn’t know and asks again - Oh QueenBeeMum, I’m sorry but I have other plans with my family and I just can’t give QueenBeeJunior a lift any more.

More questions - QueenBeeMum, do you realize you’ve asked me about private plans four times now!?! (Insert tinkley little laugh trademarked by MumsNet). Now I am quite deliberately not going to tell you! (Tinkly little laugh). What do you think about the couch’s plan to do …..?

Your plans are to spend quality time with your child, possibly at a restaurant, maybe even the MacDonalds drive thru. She doesn’t need to know this.

YABU purely for going along with something you don't want to do and for someone you dislike.