To be expected to run around after another's child?

Give your child ear plugs and play very loud annoying music on the car radio all the way home 😊 or Hungarian language lessons or a tape of dogs barking, nice and loud. The other child will beg the mother not to go.

No. Do not let this woman, who is determined to have her DC undermine your DC, be in a car with her without you around.

I would stop immediately and let the mum know, can’t do it and no apology either - just tell them straight out and you don’t have to explain at all.

I’d tell them to find another arrangement for their kid.

Maybe say to her, can we both do every other? And when she says no...well say well maybe sort your own child out then. Or find someone else to pick up your daughter and say you are no longer available to be taxi 😹

Dear god she sounds awful!

If you can't say no to the mum, why don't you say yes to your daughter.

Think about it like this, you are ruining your daughter's chance at that specialist spot, her enjoyment of training and her drive home with mum to chat the game, fun etc.

I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, more to jolt you into seeing you should give zero f's for this lady and give them all to your own kid.

It seems like your child is getting bullied in school. Cut contact/relationship. Have talks with your child that this girl is no friend of hers. Make it clear how the mother is also upsetting you. Most children would not want to be friends with people who hurt their parents. My daughter had few girls reeling in/rejecting her - I had daily chat about healthy friendships, encouraging her being alone can sometimes be comforting (read a book, write in your journal rtc), how to make new friends (practical skills e.g what to ask, how to respond etc). Honestly, the whole dropping off thing will literally take a ‘no’ to solve…the years that she has been exposed to this girls’ micro aggressive tactics will be entirely complex. Are you scared of retaliation from the mom? If so, what kind of retaliation? If it is socially, then why care? I’d rather not have any mom friends than allow my child to be exposed to such unhealthy relationships. If it is more serious, then you take it up with school/police/law. If you really feel terrible about telling this mom who has ill intent (and possibly the daughter
whilst in school) towards your child no then really your the one with the issue…

Just say NO.

It's easy practice it before you say it so you say it in the right no nonsense way.

I think the mum is a CF.

You're not the one abandoning the child, she is. Just tell her or the coach that unfortunately you have an unbreakable arrangement immediately afterwards that you can't take the child to, what a shame, perhaps she could ask someone else.

This.

What 'itsjustbiology' said above.

Unless of course you have not been completely transparent with us - which does make the most sense to me?

Your DD's frenemy's CF mother, is really your sister isn't she? That is the only reason that I can think of for her to feel entitled to be such a CF in the first place!

Sorry @Blondeandbeautifullol, I wouldn't normally respond to an OP without having read all of the OP's posts on a thread that they had iniciated, but I got carried away with excitement that I had "cracked" this one! I will now go back and try to calmly read at least all of your posts. Please accept these as a token of my apology 💐

"The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine"

That is not a fact. That is just something that you have decided to believe is true. You don't really know that for sure.

One or both of you is acting like you are in an American high school movie. I couldn't say which it is without hearing the other side. Frenemies? Really? One or both of you needs to grow up.

Ffs. Here’s how to do it:

Her: “hi can you bring Lucy home please”
You: “No sorry”
Her: “why”
You: * silence *
Coach: “Mrs Pushymum says can you take Lucy home please”
You: “No sorry”

Or if you’re feeling especially wet, say “no sorry, going straight to grandma’s/ dentist/ family meal/ car is full of rubbish for the tip/ another ridiculous excuse”

OP
She can't pick up her child?
So she shouldn't send her
You have to risk being called selfish or spiteful but so what?
I'd rather leave the whole club myself than put up with that level of sh*t
Just no
Make her leave instead

If just saying "no, that won't work for me" is fraught with problems, make a plan to stop after every single time to get/do something. Then, you won't be able to do any dropping off, because you'll already be busy.

I understand it is hard to do, but it's not because the woman cannot p/u her kid. She is just getting someone else (you) to be her free taxi service.

When the coach asks- too say no. They have the responsibility to ensure the child is safe and picked up- you don't. A simple no, that doesn't work for us, is all that's needed.

go the family emergency route, so no you can’t stay and you can’t drive her. Or, if she is contacting coach and the coach asks you tell her you can’t due to family emergency and leave. Coach HAS to take responsibility for child if no one collects her, just make sure you are away before coach. Coach will phone social services and believe me that mother will be on time after that. And if social services ask you later on to support family say no, you have other things planned.
i worked in a school where the head teacher would phone social services if child left too long, believe me the serially late parents were surprisingly punctual after that

Just tell her 'sorry we have commitments/plans after so we're time restricted. I cant wait with your child/drop them off. Sorry.'

You let her do this once, so now she's running with it and you're allowing her to.

No it's the time to talk to your daughter about friendships and what makes a good friend. You don't need to mention this girl at all but discuss with her what she would want in a friend. do you know any people who have really good friendships that you can talk about with her?

You say no.

Let the coach sort it out if no one turns up, her kid is not your responsibility 🤷‍♀️

You are crazy to enable this sort of behaviour.

You're being ridiculous. "Sorry, I can't take her." Then let the coach manage mum being a no-show.

Just block her, and if the coach asks just say ‘No, I’m not going that way’ - and that’s the truth. It’s not your responsibility, it’s the parents’ job to make sure she gets home, and she will not be left stranded - between the parents and the coach she’ll get home. If they want to ask via the coach then you just respond via the coach. Not your circus, not your monkeys - detach detach detach.

Your daughter will know this child is competing for HER place. If the frenemy gets it, her whole life your daughter will wonder why you favoured another woman’s child.

if you are worried about repercussions for your daughter just visit a relative on the way home - or a deceased’s grave- tell the other mother you need to visit family so can’t look after hers any more. And, oh yeah- the carers important to her- sorry that’s patronising, is she the only one whose career is important. Just tell her you understand and respect her choices but for you family is more important. And prove it by putting your daughter first

You could always tell CF that this is your special time with your daughter when you chat about things and you treasure it, so you want to keep it the two of you.

You could always say we want to keep arrangements fluid as we often go out for something to eat before/after rowing.

I would manage this with you permanently going somewhere else after and can’t take her child home.

Oh for fuck's sake, this is just about the most absurd thing I've ever read. Yes, op, be a bloody milquetoast for the rest of your life. Permanently do something you don't want to do to avoid something else you don't want to do in order to keep some cheeky bitch at bay. You actually can be assertive without being aggressive, you know.

Fucking hell, I despair.