Evening Wedding Invite, fair?

Because the bride and groom are in a difficult situation.

We did this and got married in my home town in the North. We now live 3 hours away near my husband's home town (but haven't been here very long, so no deep friendships). We also spent a while living in London and still have friends from uni days who are spread all over. So lot of people potentially travelling.

We couldn't have everyone there for the full day, so we did evening invites for some. There was (as with any invite) no obligation to attend and we weren't upset if they couldn't. But the alternative was giving no invite at all, which felt worse.

I'm sure in the scenario of no invite, OP would be moaning on here that she isn't invited at all.

That's incredibly rude. Thoughtless behaviour towards guests who've already invested in effort, time and money. 🌹

I wouldn’t go and would only send a card - no present.

I would also feel slightly disappointed to not be invited to the whole event- but there’s nothing you can do about that.

My rule for weddings has always been, if I’m invited to the full day I’m prepared to travel and pay to stay over, but if it’s just an evening invitation, I’ll only go if it’s local. I wouldn’t travel far/pay to stay in a hotel if I was only invited to the evening, so perhaps you adopt this philosophy too?

just explain to her that it’s too far and expensive to travel just for the party. She will understand. But then, if you want to go, then go!

i assume its her thats getting married and is in the same age group as you guys.. weddings are expensive and the bride and groom normally try to keep costs down by having a small intimate seremony for close family and then open up the numbers for the evening do.

she may have a large family to cater for as might he.

if she is that close a friend have you not already had the conversation about wedding invites?

“IMO it’s bizarre to invite people to the ceremony, send them away for a few hours, and then ask them to come back again”

Happened to me! Drove 125miles! No dinner. Just ceremony and evening do! One of my oldest friends. Bizarre.

She's every right to invite who she wants to which bits she wants.

You've every right to decline the invitation because of logistics.

For what it's worth, I'd be declining and I'd happily explain why to her.

I would be hurt if a very good and longstanding friend only invited me to the evening reception, particularly as it would mean such a tiring and expensive journey and night's accommodation.

I think it would be quite reasonable of you both to decline, and if this friend takes offence then so be it. She doesn't sound like very genuine friend anyway.

I suggest you and other “doddery” old friend treat yourselves to a night away and perhaps drink a toast to this so called friend.

Funny way to treat a sister.

Yes, how else can the legality of the ceremony be challenged?
I had loads of people at my wedding I hadn't invited individually.

Do you think people can just show up to a wedding? Like they would a funeral?

No, where did you get this from?
Wedding ceremony venues can have pretty strict capacity.

Surely a wedding is a public ceremony? Anyone can attend a wedding, but the reception and evening do may be restricted to a certain number for catering purposes. You could go to the ceremony then go home if that's the bit you want to go to.

I totally understand your disappointment, I would feel the same but try not to take it to heart. I think the right thing to do would be do decline due to what you've said and say you will celebrate together afterwards. Xx

It makes no sense to me why you are not invited to the whole thing! As her longest friend and living so far away
I think it’s very strange and unreasonable of her to invite you only to the evening. Considering the costs and travelling I don’t think you would be unreasonable to say sorry you can’t make it! What a shame! Considering the fact you have known each other so long and you say you’re good friends! Do you think that she thinks differently perhaps

Refuse the evening invite. You and your friend go to the theatre and/or have a nice meal somewhere.

Just decline gracefully. And say you're really looking forward to seeing her and all the photos when you three can next get-together.

All three of you already know that it's not going to be suitable or enjoyable.

And not being invited to the personal part of the wedding gives you an easy and expected get out.

If you live 200 miles away how often have you all met up , do you keep in touch by phone or letter? If the last time you spent time with your “best friend” was many years ago it seems reasonable to only receive an evening invitation

If she's happy to not have her good friends at the wedding itself, then she can't really be unhappy if you don't go to the evening reception. I'd not go OP

That's a shame, OP. I would be disappointed to. She might be like a sister to you but you're not one to her it seems?

Are you able to call in just for the ceremony? Watch her get married and then go off with your friend elsewhere? That's what I would do - and I wouldn't attend the evening celebration, it's a bit of a smack in the face given that you two are/were close.

If you wanted to make the trip I would make a proper thing of it but for you and your friend - stay where you want, call in to see her marry then leave. Meet up with her after it's all over to share stories/celebrate if you want.

You are not being in any way unreasonable.

I wouldn't go, it's a long way without even a meal or nice buffet to eat. You'll be hungry and tired. Just send a card and present and wish them well.

There’s no way I’d go to an evening only 200 miles away and I’m not doddery! Just say no.

I consider evening guests friends we don’t know as well/colleagues… I’d be offended too and wouldn’t go tbh. Very, very odd!
is it your friend getting married or one of her children?!

In this situation I would probably
politely decline.