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AIBU?

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Original poster

Thinking that women would benefit if they were more open minded about height in a potential partner…

861 replies

Moonfishstar · 16/04/2024 13:08

… and not write off the majority of men who are under 6 foot (85%).

Women seem to be fighting for a small proportion of men - with the disappointment that will inevitably bring to the many who inevitably won’t succeed. Of course, it’s even crapper for the good,
but short, men out there.

Of course, we all fancy who we fancy, and I’m not saying we should date shorter (or even average!) men out of pity or a “sense of fairness”, but how much of women’s desire to bag a tall guy is actually societal, and down to how they think other women will view them?

OP posts:
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11
SapphireSeptember · 16/04/2024 23:03

Jellykat · 16/04/2024 21:26

What if your current boyfriend was 5ft 1" though @SapphireSeptember ?

Wouldn't care! I met him and fell in love with his personality. 😊

mondaycando1 · 16/04/2024 23:01

Despite me being (or maybe because of it?) 5ft-fk-all and have never been attracted to short men (under 5' 10" I guess is my take on short), no matter what the rest of their physical attributes. I have 2 boys with xh who was def at the short end of my preference and thank god it looks like they are both going to be taller than him. DP is 6' and I love it! no apologies for my shallowness here!

Golightly133 · 16/04/2024 23:01

It’s a thing amongst my dd. Friendship groups 20-25 age they seem to have a criteria.
I am 5ft and my husband is 6ft 5
i was berated lightheartedly by a friend who is very tall who said us shorties are taking all the tall men😂

Original poster
Moonfishstar · 16/04/2024 22:58

Zfactorstar · 16/04/2024 22:34

This is totally written by a young incel. No woman uses the term hypergamy. A vast majority of men are in or have been in relationships. The writer is just hyper focused on height because it's something he can't control when the reality is his personality is shit. No one wants a self loathing complainer who brings nothing to the table.

What!? Only young incels could ever possibly use the word hypergamy? How bizarre! It’s a well known phenomenon in non-incel circles? Cosmo hardly caters to Incels does it!
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a45592448/hypergamy-definition/

And as for being obsessed with height, I’ve admitted that the data on this is probably distorted by the dynamics of OLD.

And I’m definitely not celibate - my partner can attest to that!… let alone a young male incel 😂

Let's discuss hypergamy: the oldest dating technique in the book

It's basically the entire plot of Bridgerton

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a45592448/hypergamy-definition/

OP posts:
HummingbirdChandelier · 16/04/2024 22:52

Totally agree, @Moonfishstar and I am a tall woman at 5’8. This obsession with tall men is really pretty horrible

Squish12 · 16/04/2024 22:51

I dated a guy who was shorter than me and it felt weird and uncomfortable. I'm happy as long as they're taller than me, doesn't mean they have to be over 6ft though.

Mindovermatter247 · 16/04/2024 22:50

To me height isn’t an issue… DP is only 4 inches taller than me, but I never even really think about his height as an issue. For me, it’s about personal hygiene and personality. Looks is subjective because people have a type, I don’t necessarily look at people as ugly, I just feel they ain’t my type.

Nanaof1 · 16/04/2024 22:41

DerekFaker · 16/04/2024 13:14

I voted YABU because I don't believe that this is a widespread thing. Sounds like something incels like to moan about rather than reality.

Thank you! It does sound like something an incel would whine over.

Zfactorstar · 16/04/2024 22:34

This is totally written by a young incel. No woman uses the term hypergamy. A vast majority of men are in or have been in relationships. The writer is just hyper focused on height because it's something he can't control when the reality is his personality is shit. No one wants a self loathing complainer who brings nothing to the table.

Emeraldsrock · 16/04/2024 22:33

Most of the tall men I know have back problems in their 40s and 50s. It’s not all a bed of roses!

BashfulClam · 16/04/2024 22:31

It’s never been a thing that’s bothered me. Why should the male partner always be the taller one? I have dated men 6’6” to 5’7” and I’m 5’9”. The short bloke dumped me for being too tall-true story. He’s a twat and I saw he married a much shorter than him woman but she seems boring. He didn’t get married until well into his 40’s I wonder if he was holding out for a shorter woman to be interested, his girlfriend before me was also tall.

FrannieGallops · 16/04/2024 22:30

My husband is comparatively short - 5’10 max. I’m comparatively tall, so he’s not much taller than I am.

It bothers him more than it does me (ie not at all). If I’m honest, I would not want to be taller than him. Our 2 sons are both over 6’.

It shouldn’t matter, but I think most men would not relish being on the short side and I know many women that’ve said ‘I couldn’t date a short guy’.

Emeraldsrock · 16/04/2024 22:26

I’m 5’3” and dated from 5’5” up to 6’2”. Married 5’9”
Heights never been something I cared about. Happy to have more choice if some women are limiting themselves but don’t honestly think that many are.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 16/04/2024 22:23

I just want a man breathing tbh.

My late husband was 6ft 4 it wasn’t his height that attracted me. It was his striking blue eyes.

Tillievanilly · 16/04/2024 22:21

So I joined an app and got over 600 likes within a few days. I am not a model. I am way too short! 😂 I guess most men swipe right on most women. So yes I will be a bit fussy because I don’t want to date or communicate with 600 strangers. Height isn’t on my criteria. Brains and a type are. But for the right person I would sway anyhow!

Cicciabella · 16/04/2024 22:20

Online men all lie - the short ones are the worst.

Yemelade · 16/04/2024 22:20

I'm a 6'1 female and I was never overly concerned about height of a potential partner. My now husband is 6'2" but remarkably (and prior to him) shorter men were never serious about a relationship and/or threatened by my height to the point they fixated on it in several conversations often talking themselves out of taking it further, or realising they felt emasculated being with a woman taller than they are. I fully understand most women are not my height, but I just wanted to mention this as it isn't always a woman being closed minded about height.

momager1 · 16/04/2024 22:13

before I met and married mr Momager, I had a very set type. Tall. well built but not muscular (like no body builders) Two amazing men, but just could not get there with them emotionally (but looked bloody great back in the day on their arms lol) One was 6'4 the other 6'7. And then I met my husband. Not my type at ALL. Blond hair, blue eyes and only 5'10. I am 5'4 in shoes so still taller than me but not what I had thought was my physical type. AT ALL. Best man on the planet..best husband I could have asked for ever in this life. And my husband (was) is more muscular , but now...dad bod all the way. Which I am still so attracted to!!

GoodnightAdeline · 16/04/2024 22:10

Interestingly, men taller and shorter than me who have shown interest in me have never had a problem about their/my height. It was only ever the men around my height who gave me a hard time, told me not to wear heels and felt 'emasculated' by my being tall.

Me too!!!! I think shorter men just resign themselves to their true height from day 1 and learn to make a joke of it. It’s the ones around 5’8 or 9 who insist they’re 6 foot when they’re not. I’m 5’8 and have had loads of ‘you can’t be 5’8 because you’re the same height as me and I’m 6 foot’ 😂

Dacadactyl · 16/04/2024 22:09

I prefer tall men. In my younger (dating) days I only really wanted a tall man.

I can appreciate a good looking short man, but I wouldn't have considered them when dating.

I do think now I would be more open minded though if anything were to happen to DH (God forbid)

Shufflebumnessie · 16/04/2024 22:05

My first proper boyfriend was the same height as me (5'6"). I didn't have a problem with it but he did! He always asked me no to wear heels (which, back then, were part of my identity, flat shoes did not exist in my world). He had such a hang up about it that it eventually became a real 'ick' factor in our relationship and I ended it.
He obviously matured, made peace with his height etc etc as his wife is over 6ft tall and wears heels!!

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 21:57

anothernamitynamenamechange · 16/04/2024 21:38

Are you sure you are not really two very short men stacked inside a coat? Because women are over-picky about that!

Show quote history

😂

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 21:56

LondonFox · 16/04/2024 21:29

Thinking that men would benefit if they were more open minded about age, weight and number of previous sexual partners in a potential partner…

Why most men regardless of age want: early 20s, slim, petite, cute, long hair, perky boobs, childless, loves cooking and cleaning, submissive, without career but with own money, virgin, intersted in anal and blowjobs on unwashed dick, sex slave maid with dedication of nicu nurse?

😆

This made me howl.

But it is true!!! Shock

Original poster
Moonfishstar · 16/04/2024 21:54

Astariel · 16/04/2024 21:48

There are stats and there are stats OP.

85% of men are not single. Which indicates that stats based on attitudinal research indicating that ‘women
are only interested in (very) tall men’ may not actually translate to behaviour.

The huge natural experiment of
life clearly shows that men of any height can and do find female partners. There may be other variables that explain any statistical patterns favouring taller men.

It easily does get quite incel-y when people start oversimplifying and complaining that women are all just meanies for ignoring the short guys.

In my anecdotal experience, the short men who don’t have a weird chip on their shoulder about height tend to be more successful in finding and maintaining relationships than the ones who are weird and bitter about it. But, I don’t actually think things would be better for the men I know in the latter category - looking at you in particular, STBXH! - if they were 6’2 rather than 5’5. I think these particular men would just find a different avenue for projecting their own feelings of inadequacy on to everyone else. The problem is generally personality rather than height.

I think the notion that all men generally find a partner no matter what their height is potentially changing though for Gen Z. The number of 25 year old virgins has skyrocketed over the past decade. Hypergamy seems to be more of a thing in the young than it was.

OP posts: