Thinking that women would benefit if they were more open minded about height in a potential partner…

I've seen threads from women in unhappy relationships who are worried they won't find anyone else because they're over 40 or over a size 12. They're not wrong to think a preference exists in men for younger, slimmer women, although of course this doesn't mean that only young, slim women find partners.

What I don't think I've seen is such women seeking out well-known, male-oriented sites to tell men their preference is wrong and makes them bad people and they would benefit from dating older or bigger women, and then accusing them all of misogyny when they respond.

I find remarks about looks are much more tolerated when they’re from women to men than the reverse.

In our workplace several women tease the men for being fat, bald or for their fashion choices. If the men teased the women for being fat, ugly or wearing bad clothes they would be hauled before HR in 5 seconds flat.

Not wanting to be alone and then face the dating game isn’t an unusual feeling, and it certainly doesn’t make somebody an ‘arsehole’. There is a small number of frankly demented posters on here who truly are misandrists, and I consider myself a feminist who tbh has a dim view of men in general.

I don't particularly think looking at OLD stats are a very good way to gauge what women actually want. You have to narrow the field somehow so looks (including height for men and probably weight/youth for women) end up being more important initially. You can't date everyone and you may as well filter based on attraction then filter again (via a first date) to see who you actually get on with/click with.

If he's a great guy, I think your friend, if he ends up single, would be better to do speed dating, joining clubs and expanding ways to meet women irl rather than OLD. In fact, if I ended up single and wanting to meet someone again, I'd go down that route rather than OLD I think (having had a 2 year period of OLD in my 30s - not sure I'd be as successful in my mid 40s!).

One of the biggest issues with OLD I think is that people tend to pick people that they think are attractive, without any thought of whether or not the other person might think they are similarly attractive - hence the high number of rejections. I think in real life encounters people tend to aim very much more at their own level.

Obviously if you want to only select 6ft3 Brad Pitt lookalikes then you are free to do so and who knows you might get lucky, but then complaining that OLD is no good because none of them are interested in you seems a bit idiotic.

The sexes aren't reversed though are they? Men often do sabotage the self- confidence of their wives. There is no indication whatsoever the OPs friends wife has caused him to be 5' 4".

And this is why he's unappealing, not his height. He's willing to string a woman along to meet his own needs, because he thinks he might not be able to replace her. I'd hate a man to use and treat me like that.

Apparently, a very real reason why there are far more women than men who defect from North Korea is because the men are painfully aware that their short height will make it hard to date or get married in South Korea (or anywhere else, basically). North Koreans are inches shorter than their southern counterparts, but of course it doesn't matter much for women.

I do feel for the 5'4" husband mentioned upthread. It sounds like a difficult situation.

But you did actually say that he's staying in his marriage because he thinks he'll not find anyone else due to his height.

Presumably then if he were 6'+ he'd be ditching the wife for a better model, rather than "working on his marriage" out of necessity/ need for sex.

Agreed, shocking and blatant misandry…

Not really because a woman who has been worn down in an awful relationship would usually be writing posts about their self doubt and how they'll leave the relationship for their own health and wellbeing. Women wanting to leave awful relationships often do for themselves and/or for their children's wellbeing.

This thread is all about wahhh! Mean women don't like dating short men. They shouldn't rule out short men. Women should examine their prejudices. But some women marry "up". Actually it's about my friend. He's unhappy in his marriage but he's reluctant to leave his marriage because he's concerned there's not a huge dating pool for him. Basically whether he stays or leaves is hinging on whether he thinks there'll be enough women queuing up to sleep with him.

I can't recall the last time, if ever, I've seen a thread on Mumsnet from a woman in an unhappy marriage whose stay/go decision was based on whether other men would want to date her.

It just gets more and more convincing!

(If the sexes were actually reversed, a website that was initially concerned mainly with parenting issues would be called Dadsnet, full of men living in a female-oriented world, and would get a load of female users coming in to complain that it's not centring them and demanding that they justify not wanting to date overweight women.)

He will struggle a little on OLD, but it’s already been said lots of times that men are overlooked on OLD for being short but wouldn’t necessarily in real life, it’s not ‘fair’ but it is what it is, OLD is superficial at best, toxic at worst, where men and women are being completely ruled out for lots of reasons, hair colour, height, weight, whether they already have ‘baggage’, they could be the perfect person for you in every single way but are already in the trash pile.. it’s just the ‘revolving door’ nature of OLD, there’s always a ‘NEXT!!!’

Ironically there will be shorter women on there though who would quite happily date a man who is that height.. so it depends how superficial he is as to what preset criteria he will accept in a potential partner as to how successful he will be, if he himself is superficial, he can’t really complain or blame women for doing the exact same thing.

Im horrified that the only reason he’s not left his marriage is because he thinks online dating would be unfairly skewed to him and women wouldn’t give him a chance, i really hate that people have to tee up the next one before calling time on an unhappy relationship, that says more about him to me then any physical attribute would!

I have tried to unpick any prejudices that have needlessly narrowed my dating pool, as I’ve already mentioned about tattoos
There's a bit of an undertone that to say "no" to a man, women need to have a good enough reason. They don't. Nobody is entitled to a date. Nobody is entitled to demand others are attracted to them. Women do not need a good enough reason to decline a date (neither do men).

The consequences of having a very long list of the perfect unicorn man/woman might mean a someone is single for longer.I'm overall far more concerned with how many women have been conditioned to accept a low bar for male partners than some women having preferences on what they're physically attracted to.

If your friend is going to stay in an unhappy or unhealthy marriage because he's concerned he's not going to get much sex as a single man because some mean women might not find him attractive, my gut says it's that attitude that's likely to be a bigger issue than his height.

😂

the theatrics there

if the sexes were reversed it would be ‘he sounds like he’s ruined your confidence over the years, LTB hun’

One of my oldest male friends is 5”4’. He’s married, but not especially happily so… He told me the other day that one reason he’s reluctant to leave is that he thinks he’ll struggle to find someone in today’s dating market…

He sounds like an arsehole. His wife will have to do because he’ll only leave if he can find someone else to date. He can’t possibly be single for a while so as long as he’s getting sex from someone, it’s ok.

Yeah I don’t think it’s his height that’s the issue here. Gross.

Ohhhh, you're asking for a friend! Why didn't you say so?

And you were just amazed to find out that tallness in men is an advantage with women and needed to work out why that was, because there couldn't possibly be any sensible or acceptable reason for it - it must be societal or just bitchy feminine competition.

Wait till you hear about the male preference for young, slim women. It'll blow your mind!

One of my oldest male friends is 5”4’.

You date him then. You’d benefit greatly from it.

Exclusivity limits your options.

About 30% of UK men are over 6ft, so you immediately cut your dating pool by a factor of 3 if you only consider these men.

Women have the right obviously to choose what ever characteristics they want in a partner and so do men.

Either men or women shouldn't really be surprised if they want characteristics that people seem to rate highly in terms of attractiveness in a partner then if they are pretty ordinary themselves then the likelyhood they are going to get what they want is reduced as they are competing against the rest of society.

If you are a short fat balding bloke it is unlikely that you are going to end up in a relationship with a 6ft blonde supermodel unless you have some other sort of extraordinary quality to offer. And spending your life seeking out that supermodel probably means you are going to end up partner less and unhappy if you want to be in a relationship. And vice versa for women.

You can settle for someone who is over 6ft. Or you can settle for someone who will be a good life partner, loyal and good with kids. Which is likely to lead to greater happiness depends on who is doing the settling. But if you attempt to find both, just realise that the overlap gets that much smaller, and the probability of being successful similarly reduced.

Lol. So you're here doing some short men promotion on behalf of your friend, so he's got enough other options to be able to leave his wife? And she'll do in the meantime until you've managed to turn the tide of opinion in his favour? You really should have said in the first place OP, sterling work on your part, I'm right behind you!

Ok, what have I said which is MRA misogyny.

Well like I said earlier, you did it for me when you stated that women like tall men either because society has conditioned them to it or because they want to get one over on other women, and proceeded to pick women's preferences apart like a Poundshop David Attenborough, as if women aren't just people who come in as mixed and human a bunch as men do. And of course, then tried to get them to abandon their preferences for their own good.

If you don't see what's misogynistic and incelly about that, it's for the same reason people standing in Oxford Street can't see Britain.

Honestly op, why can't you just be kind. Get yourself down to the short incel pound and pick up a stray

🤣 We found this one in a basement, he hadn't seen sunlight for three years. He was so welded to his computer that is was five days after we found him before he'd let it go. We tried to take him out for walks but he just isn't properly socialized. Free to a good home

Indeed.

If everyone is saying ‘you sound like an incel/MRA’, it’s worth asking yourself how you have managed to create this impression.