To think parents of only children are selfish

If she marries someone with siblings then she'll be aunt to their kids and her kids will have cousins, so she has fundamentally misunderstood how family structures work.

No I don't think parents of only children are selfish. People make choices about how many kids they have based on a number of factors, in many cases it would be more selfish to keep having children.

I have an only child, I also have a retirement plan and am saving for care and such to try to minimise any impact on my child.

It took 3 years and lots of upset to get pregnant, I'm not putting myself, DH or DD through that heartbreak on the off chance that it might work well and we might be happier with 2 than we are with 1.

At the time when we had DD we could afford 1 child in nursery, a house with enough rooms for 1 child.

Now DD is 9yo, happy, settled, loves out home, our area and her school. If we were to have another then we would have to move, we can afford to now, but we wouldn't be able to afford the bigger house and all the nice stuff we can currently do with DD.

No, they are not selfish.
Just because you have spoken to one only child who feels that way does not make it so.

There is plenty that can go wrong if you give them additional siblings as well. What if they don’t get on? What if you can’t afford to do things for all kids that you could have for one? What if having additional children pushes you to the edge and your parenting declines? What if you have a second that has a life limiting condition and you’re leaving a legacy of full time care to your existing child?

Families don’t have to follow a set route in order to be happy. Families come in all shapes and sizes and all can be a happy one

I’ve one sister with no children that I don’t speak to. I had a brother who died in early childhood.

I had an only child deliberately to shield her from the pain that I went through.

There are advantages being an only, I've always been admired for being able to amuse myself, enjoy myself without being dependent on others. And now I'm caring for an elderly parent, I'm so glad I have no siblings - siblings working harmoniously to share out the care are very much in the minority.

Yabu

Families come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Sometimes one child is for the best - siblings often don’t get along.
The 24 year old is being immature to call her parents selfish. Her siblings may not have had kids 🤷‍♀️ I understand why she may have fantasized what if but for every only child who did that, there will be as many kids with siblings imagining the opposite.

There are pro’s and con’s to both. I’ve got 2 sisters and I love them both dearly, we are close and I have great childhood memories of growing up with them; the giggly late night chats, making ‘potions’ in the garden together with flowers and water, always having a ‘play mate’ etc etc.
There are plenty other people who have siblings and they have done nothing but argue like cat and dog. Or they grow apart as they get older, fall out, don’t get on etc etc.
I know people who are an only child who wish they did have sibling’s and I also know people who are an only child and they loved their childhood as it was.
It really is swings and roundabouts IMO.

Not selfish at all. Different family set ups work for different people. And some people experience secondary infertility and just can’t have a sibling for their firstborn. Some people find that having one child is all that they want and that’s fine too.
Speaking from experience here that having a sibling isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. I have nephews I’ve never met. Not through want or trying but because DB has gone NC with me (complicated back story and all thanks to a narc mother who played us off each other). It makes me really sad that I don’t see them and I miss DB who I still love dearly and it hurts. So you aren’t guaranteed a super close sibling or family bond.
i know only children who have loved being the only child and have gone on to have only one themselves. It’s such a unique decision for every family.

I’m an only, never felt that way. I have three - they’re pretty close (very different though) but know plenty of siblings who have very difficult relationships. No guarantees ever

My best friend is an only child. She's an honorary auntie to about 5 different people. She collects my DS from school one day a week and has a very close bond with him.

My DH has 4 siblings and none of them have kids. 2 of them we only see once or twice a year.

My DS is an only child. I feel absolutely no guilt. If he wasn't we couldn't afford to have the life we do.

My brother bullied me and made my life a living hell. Me and my sister fought constantly. My sister who now get on with lives the other side of the world so my preschool kids have never met their cousins. My brother has sons but as I have little to no relationship with him I rarely see them.
My friend was raped by her brother when she was in late primary.

My point is having a sibling doesn't automatically mean instant friendship / companionship. Bigger families can come with issues. There is no right size.

Also if your daughter is now 6 and you have a subsequent child that is a big age difference. There is a big age gap between DSS and his brothers and it makes family days very difficult so we mostly end with DP doing something with Dss and me doing something with the younger ones.

Exactly. My mum isn't an auntie and she has lots of siblings.

I'm an only child and definitely never felt the desire for a sibling. Actually, I do have a half brother (16 years old than me, never raised by my dad) and I haven't spoken to him in 25 years and almost forget he exists.

My family is plenty dysfunctional and my parents did not have a happy marriage. I'm grateful there is only one of me. Life would be a lot more tricky now if I had a sibling.

I did have 2 children, because I wanted to be a parent to 2 children, not because I wanted them to have a sibling. As it is, my dc will never have cousins as BIL (who dh is close to) and his partner are childfree by choice, so still the only children in the family. They may or may not ever have children themselves, so no guarantee either will be an uncle/aunt.

She can be an aunt if she meets a partner with children

Exactly this. I don't have children but my brother is a very close uncle to his nieces and nephews through marriage.

There are a lot worse problems to have in childhood than not having a sibling and there are a lot of advantages to being an only child. The 24 year old needs to get a grip.

My daughter is still a baby but I'm still traumatised by how difficult pregnancy was. Labour was extremely long and postpartum recovery was tough too. I always envisioned having two children but I'm not sure now. I'm in my 20s so I still have some time. I know childcare is expensive nowadays.

Is this woman a mother yet? Let's see if she copes with more than one difficult pregnancy and whether she can work full time and afford childcare.

I don't know anyone with siblings who has a great relationship with them. Some tolerate each other and get together for family occasions but none that are super close and 'good friends'.

She's also very upset that she'll never be an aunt and her kids will not have first cousins

Surely that depends on whether her partner has siblings and they have children?

People have the number of children they can have and / or what works for them. There really isn’t a perfect family size.

I’m an only child. My parents would have ideally liked more children but it didn’t happen for them. Seeing some of the drama people have with siblings I am very happy to be an only child!

Two of my ex boyfriends really wished they were an only child, they couldn´t stand their brothers.
I will never have nephews and nieces, my brother doesn´t have kids, neither does my husband´s brother and sister. Life is life.
My daughter says she would like a sister but it has to be one her own age, not some baby that doesn´t play...

Not every only child feels like this. I’m an only child and I am so glad I don’t have any siblings. I am very introverted and like my own space, and I haven’t ever wanted any extended family etc.

Only child here with an only child (couldn't have anymore).
I am an aunty to my DH sister's kids. My DD is a first cousin to my niece and nephew.
Both me and my daughter have tons of friends and are very happy.
DD also gets a lot more financially and our lifestyle is much better than if I had been able to have more kids. As was mine.

That’s ridiculous. Many people stop at one due to financial reasons or personal circumstances. I can’t see how being responsible can be considered selfish at all

We are unlikely to have a second child due to medical complications despite very much wanting one. I'd hate to think on top of that my son would regard us as selfish for not giving him a sibling.

She can be an aunt if she meets a partner with siblings who have children.

Absolutely not. DH is an only child and was/is absolutely fine. I had a sibling, he was vile and abusive to me the whole time we were growing up. Just because you have more than one child, that doesn't guarantee that they will get on. My childhood was extremely difficult and I would have much rather been an only child