To think parents of only children are selfish

How will she never have be an aunt or her children have no cousins? If she marries someone / has kids with someone then she’ll have their whole side of the family too. Sounds like a very dramatic 24 year old tbh.

YABU for being so rude too

I have a brother who was and is incredibly abusive. He has done nothing but hurt me and make me feel awful about myself. Only many years later have i realised how terrible it is and cut things off.
I have an only because I have health issues preventing any more. I think it would be lovely to have a sibling with whom you are close and loving but so often it doesn't work out that way.

You’re not selfish. I’m sorry, but I’m rolling my eyes at the 24 year old. I’m an only; from what DM says, it wasn’t by design, but it wasn’t a source of upset to my parents that they didn’t have more.

I grew up just fine, if anything it made me a little too self-reliant when it comes to keeping myself entertained, perhaps siblings would have made me more outgoing. But who knows, it’s just the luck of the draw, and being in tears at 24 over this seems almost self-indulgent.

And as others have said, there are no guarantees you’ll get a sibling you even like, let along be close to. Again, it’s just luck of the draw.

My teenaged DC has always expressed relief at being an only 🤷🏻‍♀️

Without meaning to sound like a cow, is this 24 year old ok? As getting upset to the point of tears about their lack of future nieces and or nephews and their own future children's lack of first cousins (although as others have pointed out neither of these are necessarily the case) is.....quite odd. I'd be wondering if there were some other issue going on, quite possibly connected to family, that was driving this. Or some sort of additional needs.

OP, I had four DCs and I feel selfish for contributing to overpopulation! It's all part of mum guilt, I think!

My DD3 is 14 and has a friend who is an only child. They are really close and she loves going to her house!

You will have far more energy to raise your DC well than I had. She won't miss out, but comparison is the thief of joy.

I don't think having an only child is selfish but I do think if you do then the onus is on you to ensure that they have the connections to ensure their childhood isn't lonely so for example taking friends on holiday, finding activities they enjoy etc and also making particular effort to build bonds with other family members and children if possible.

I've an only child so I'm biased but no i don't think it's selfish. Children can have shit childhoods depending on lots of factors.

Your dc can still be an aunt, not blood related but she may marry someone with siblings.

I've two friends who each have 2dc, both younger dc have SEN, one with severe autism and one with global developmental delay. It's probably unlikely that their older children will have blood nieces/ nephews.

Likewise 1-2 children families are the most common, and with more people not choosing to have dc anyway, having large extended families will not be the norm (in the uk) within the next generation.

As a final point my dd13 is not one bit lonely. She loves being an only child. She had lots of friends and for the past few years weekends have been a revolving door of parties and sleepovers.

I'm also unlikely to be an aunty as my brother is childless and I hope he remains so for the sake of future children. My husband has no siblings. My child has no cousins. It's not really that big of a deal. We have friends and each other and are happy.

An only child gets their parents full attention and more money available to be spent on them. There’s always a chance siblings won’t get along.

Having only one child is not at all selfish.

Absolutely not. Such experiences are different for each individual and cannot be generalised at all! I am an only child and have no such negative thoughts about my parents. We are a close-knit family.
The 24 year old is actually quite immature to think so selfishly about her parents. They are not accountable to her to provide siblings. There could be several reasons they were happy with one child, including financial. So she should be grateful that she had caring and loving parents, rather than cry over something she had absolutely no control over.

That’s really sad.

I’d hate to think that my aunt saw me as less her family just because we weren’t related by blood. I really don’t think she did.

She needs to grow up. Most of us could come up with things that may have made our childhood or lives better - more siblings, fewer siblings, better school, parents staying together, parents splitting up instead of abusing each other in the family home.

Not everyone is close to their siblings.

I have had two children but one of them died. Have I done wrong by my DC by not having another? Or am I entitled to do what's right for us as a family now.

I do not believe my DC is lonely as they go to nursery / school and we see friends most weekends.

All parents are selfish, having a child is the most selfish anyone on this earth can do, no one asks to be born it's forced upon them, even if you give them the world they can be severely depressed and not want to be here as adults, we have children for ourselves and they will go on to do the same, we are all selfish!

My Dad is an only child. He is very close to his parents. He also has 4 children and 5 grandchildren. Being an only child does not automatically mean you’ll have a lonely adulthood without important relationships.

My Mum has one sibling and they hate each other. So we don’t see him or our cousins. Having siblings does got guarantee
a good relationship with aunt/uncle and cousins.

I am an only child, I don't ever remembering wanting a sibling and I was always happy as a child , I have 2 1st cousins who I am very close with, ans my chidlren are very close with both my cousins children and to us they are 'cousins ' it doesn't matter that they are not 1st cousins

On the other hand, my husband does not speak to his siblings due to many issues and he's much closer with my family than his. My chidlden have don't see their 'auntie and uncle' but they have plenty of family/ friends who they have amazing relationships with

Personally I don't think people are selfish having 1 child, I remember my MIL saying before one of my family members was 'selfish ' for only having 1 child , even though there was many reasons she did not want another 1- but thinking back now I think it may have been a dig and my and my mum

I worked with a 22 year old who said her childhood was miserable as an only child. Which really affected me as a parent of an only.

As our relationship developed, it was really apparent her parents weren't quite that brilliant to her as a child and the adult she now is. Which I suspect is the real issue concerning her misery and not the lack of siblings.

My brother was not a positive addition to my life and affected my childhood adversely. We don't speak as adults. He's vile. I could easily cry to a stranger about all he's inflicted on me. I'd hope it wouldn't make them feel selfish for having two or more children.

Don't take people's isolated experience personally. There's always a lot more to it.

Being an only can be an absolute gift and blessing. My husband is one and has never wished for anything but that.

And yet I have friends who were only kids, who loved that they got to spend more quality time with their parents, and as an adult valued the fact that there was a bit more money about and so they received the benefit of going places and doing things that they probably wouldn't otherwise have had the chance at.

I am also parent to a grown up only who wanted a sibling when they were younger but is happy with life and childhood they had. They have great friends and cousins of their own and if they choose to have kids of their own will create their own family. Yes they won't be an aunty/uncle, but they will and do have their own family of friends around them.

I'm obviously a bit biased, but I think it's far more important for a child to grow up with parents who can cope with life rather than parents who are overwhelmed. I personally could not have coped with more than one child so we stopped at one and I have never regretted that decision.

She needs to grow up and get a grip.

Even if she had siblings, there’s no guarantee that she’d have had the life she imagined.

The thing is, quite often people end up with only one child because of circumstance rather than choice. My parents were both only children and were born to oldish parents in 1946 - I expect because the men were away during the Second World War. I have no aunts, uncles or first cousins and this is okay.

Our birth rate is falling - lots of children are only children.

Yep. Siblings aren't a guarantee for anything. YABU.

I am an only child and loved it. Of course you are not being selfish. Loneliness is hard but having a sibling is no guarantee that you won't be lonely. My best friend is like a sister to me and I am an auntie to her daughter. All you can do is make the best decisions for you and your family. But for what its worth, being an only child made me who I am and I have no regrets!

Siblings can have an important connection. But lots don't. There are other possibilities for important connections.

The young adult you were talking seems to be placing a lot of blame on the lack of siblings when I feel that the underlying issues are caused by other things.