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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not use credit card DP has issued in my name

84 replies

Passthegin99 · 16/04/2024 11:09

Not sure if AIBU because I get defensive around money so please can I get your view. DP and I have mostly separate finances (we've been together 10 years and have 1 DC). We have a shared joint account that we both put money into for mortgage and living costs, school clubs etc. Everything else is separate.

I have the following bank accounts/debit cards in regular use:
Current account
Joint account
Additional current account for transactions abroad ie on holiday
Business account (I am self-employed)
Plus I have a credit card he made me take out years ago that I never use because I hate credit cards and would rather not use them. He knows this.

So this morning he presents me with an Amex card that he's taken out with my name on it which he wants me to use for all spending from now on so we can get free flights or something. His idea is I would just use it to buy things and then transfer him the money. My immediate reaction was hell no! In the end I agreed to use it for stuff that I would normally spend from the joint account but even that makes me feel uncomfortable. He'll be responsible for taking the money out of the joint account to pay off the credit card so I won't have to do anything but it feels like a loss of control to me. He thinks I'm being ridiculous.

For reference he is good with money and trustworthy so it's not that I suspect he's up to no good - it just feels like an overstep to me.

Would I be unreasonable to refuse to use this or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 16/04/2024 11:22

If it's in his name then not so bad. But he shouldn't be trying to make you use it just because he wants some bonus points scheme.

Hoppinggreen · 16/04/2024 11:20

It really does depend on your individual circumstances.
I dont like Credit cards after I got into a lot of trouble with them some years ago so dont have one BUT DH does. He uses it to get cashback and then its paid off in full each month. He has offered to get me an additional card (which I think thats what your DH has done) but I have said no. If we are booking holidays or flights I get him to pay using that card.

ajlots · 16/04/2024 11:17

Plus I keep the money in savings until the bill is due so that earns me a little too, not a huge amount but a couple Starbucks a month!

Bjorkdidit · 16/04/2024 11:17

Well if you're happy to throw away free money then fine. I make nearly a grand a year in interest and cashback from credit cards.

Your aversion to just using a different card while he does the behind the scenes admin does seem rather extreme.

ajlots · 16/04/2024 11:16

Well it's up to you obviously, but I agree with him, spending on a credit card when you are sensible and pay in full means you have S75 protection and loyalty perks. In one year we've earned enough Avios for long haul business class flights (need to pay taxes). I like to make my money work hard.

Mrsttcno1 · 16/04/2024 11:14

It’s totally up to you whether you want to use the card or not, and I don’t think he should have taken it out without discussing with you first, but the Amex cards do come with lots of benefits. You get things like cashback, air miles and reward points with them which can be used for shopping/travel so it does make sense if you’re going to be spending the money anyway to spend it on the Amex then just pay it off every month so that you’re getting SOMETHING for your spending.

Ah edit because I spotted you’ve now said its actually in his name, I don’t see an issue really then. He just wants to earn “something” for the money already being spent anyway

Original poster
Passthegin99 · 16/04/2024 11:13

TheDandyLion · 16/04/2024 11:12

Is the credit card account in his name and this card is as an additional card holder or has he opened the credit account in your name?

The credit card is in his name - I just have an additional card

OP posts:
KarmenPQZ · 16/04/2024 11:13

This is pretty much how my partner and I manage our finances and it works for us. But it sounds like you’re not comfortable in general with the concept of credit cards so may be worth having a conversation about that. I have friends who feel similar but I’ve always used them for every day transactions for the cash back and payed them off in full. Both ways are valid but it sounds like you’re one and your partner is the other.

TheDandyLion · 16/04/2024 11:12

Is the credit card account in his name and this card is as an additional card holder or has he opened the credit account in your name?

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