To not use credit card DP has issued in my name

I was referring to her op where she describes having a credit card herself because her DH 'made her' get one years ago, it sounds so odd like she had no choice about it.

She says she hates credit cards so much and would never use one then why keep the old card open in her name? She lists it as still current.

Same with the amex card, she could just stick it in the cupboard and not use it if she hates them so much? No need to get so wound up by it.

But he hasnt commited OP to anything. He just got a second when applied for his own. He is solely liable for the card and any spending on it.

She cant
Its in his name and shes an additional card holder. She cant close an account in his name, they wont even speak to her about the account at all.

It is without asking her!

I think the thing I’m struggling with here is the ‘he made me get a credit card even though he knows I hate them’.

how did he ‘make’ you do that? It’s up to you to apply for a credit card so if you don’t want one, don’t have one, even now you could have got rid of that old one and closed the account, so why haven’t you?

the way you are talking about it is odd, like with this, you don’t have to use it, but I don’t see the problem using it to buy joint account stuff? It makes no odds what the method of payment is as it isn’t going to change what you buy. But you could choose not to use it surely?

I think I'd have a problem with this too OP, though it's a bit hard to put my finger on exactly why. I think it comes down to a basic disregard for the fact that you are an independent adult who is able to make her own financial choices.

It's also the sneaky way he got it for her without any discussion. That's not normal.

I don't think it's sneaky to get the second card when applying for a credit card. During the online application it comes up as an option, and doesn't create a debt for the second person, so most people would just tick the box without giving it much thought. Worst case scenario you'd just not use it or cut it up.

She's not stopping him from using the credit card for big ticket items. She just doesn't want to use it for her business transactions, which makes perfect sense.

It's also the sneaky way he got it for her without any discussion. That's not normal.

Amex are offering 2,000 bonus Avios if you add a cardholder before 5 May. I've told DH I'd like to add him. He knows we use the Amex card for most spending and it's paid in full every month.

Anyone who buys large ticket items like furniture or holidays on a debit card is missing out on the cast iron protection that a credit card gives.

At the rate that companies are failing at the moment, paying £2,000 for a sofa that will take weeks to arrive, without CC protection, means you risk losing all your money if the company fails. Pay with a credit card and you get all your money back

just felt really uncomfortable that he was asking me to put all my purchase through this one, especially given most of my purchasing is for my business and has nothing to do with him and my personal spending is minimal as I have very little spare cash (whereas he has tonnes).

Hell no! You have two problems here. The first is you shouldn't mix your business finances up with personal accounts. Keep them separate or it will be a nightmare with the taxman later on.

The second is why do you have little personal money compared to him? Don't tell me the bills are 50/50 despite different salaries? Don't use the card, just keep "forgetting ".

I really hope you are paying into the joint account proportionately to your current incomes.

If he earns a lot more than you and you aren't married he needs to be paying more that you into the account to reflect that, otherwise you'll turn around one day, realise you've worked your bollocks off for the last 10-20 years, with one hand tied behind your back as you've done most the domestic stuff while he's had an easier life, missed out on time with your child and you're actually no better off for it financially. There's only so much you can do before you burn out, look after yourself.

The credit card I do think you are being a tad precious about, especially as he is good with money, the only time this would be a bad idea is if you couldn't trust him to pay it, but he sounds like he just wants to reap the rewards from it, be warned though not everyone accepts amex because the charges they incur are a lot higher than other cards.

The whole situation sounds financially unfair and this is just another expression of it. So you are now requested to put your purchasing on his account so he can collect points/rewards for it. You dont get the consumer protection a cc normally offers as a secondary card holder, and presumably the points/rewards are all his too. Meh, sounds like more of the my money/time is mine and yours is too.

I put everything I spend on a points card and I usually get enough back from it to fill up my car every couple of months using nectar points. Nothing wrong with the idea in principle, but of course he has done it so it is entirely in his control and for his benefit. What a prince.

Do you split bills based on your earnings?

What does he do with his spare cash?

Thank you - that’s very helpful. I hadn’t got as far as the newer banks.

@Gettingonmygoat if they have separate finances it's not really the OP's problem if it's paid or not, she's only a supplementary card holder, the responsibility and liability is on him.

Insist that a paper copy of the statement is given to you monthly so you can keep track that the whole balance has been paid each month.

The issue here is that he didnt consult you first. He just went ahead and did it - that suggests a power inbalance and total disregard for your past issues - and yes he should absolutely be understanding of those too.

The main issue is the income disparity between you. You should each be contributing in line with your income - he should be paying much more! He is sloshing around in cash whilst you do all of the domestic stuff unpaid is outrageous. It’s so unfair.

Why are you in such an unequal relationship?

He is taking advantage of you

In case you’re still looking, both Starling and Chase have fee free transactions abroad on their debit cards.

I have a CC ( In my name) and my husband is an additional cardholder on the account. We spend as much as possible on this account - and clear it every month. In my case, I collect Nectar Points, and they really mount up!!

I’ve been on DH’s AmEx for nearly 20 years, from when we were DPs. He’s the same about BA air miles. I used to put all of my purchases on it, and pay him my portion at the end of the month (the statements split the cards out and give a card total, so it’s very clear). I stopped maybe 5 years ago…I use my own rewards card now. Either way works fine. What do YOU want to do?

Yeah as much I as I am in favour of credit cards that seems to be a small issue here in the scheme of things. No way I'd let him benefit from my spending or see it all if the finances aren't split fairly.

And because he earns so much more the importance of my job pales in comparison even though I'm busting my balls to get my business to succeed.
but it sounds like you don’t see that money he earns so you’re busting your balls to keep the house going so… he can take home more spare cash for him??

the credit card arrangement is pretty normal, we try and put all the bigger and online purchases on credit cards, not all the daily ones as it got too tricky knowing where the budget was at. But is your dh a bit controlling? Does he want to see your purchases?

overall it sounds to me like the money situation isn’t fair, so i think you should buy your dream sofa or £800 coat on it, and he will get pissed off and decide he doesn’t want you to have it after all 😁😁 he pays for dream sofa / coat/ shoes/ le creuset whatever it is! Win win, you get your message through, you get him to share a little more fairly in buying you something beautiful!

Your partner is being unreasonable.

There might be 1,000 responses from people who like to use credit cards, but your DP is not in a relationship with them - he is with you, and you are uncomfortable with them.

What on earth makes him feel entitled to organise a credit card for you with no discussion, and expect to do as he wants just because he wants you to? What does he think gives him the right to then belittle you and label you as "ridiculous"'? What kind of partner does this???

He has no right to dictate you use a credit card, no one made him the boss of you, and it is weird he hasn't asked you any questions to try to understand your perspective, or treated you as thought you at his equal. What a fail.

Is he usually able to be self-reflective and consider how his behaviour might affect you? It's an entry-level relationship skill, and one he should be engaging right now.

Also, if he manages the credit card he will have the record of all your purchases and that could constitute a shift of power. The dominating way he has handled this situation suggests that in terms of finances he feels superior to you, so I sure as heck would not acquiesce to his disrespectful demands.