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Original poster

Dh - his annoying habit .

193 replies

Notanana · 16/04/2024 08:14

He leaves his chair out most of the time after a meal .
… drive s me mad .
I have asked and asked that he put it back - remind him
most days- or many days -sometimes call to him upstairs to come and put it under.
it infuriates me beyond measure !
it feels inconsiderate to me .

Its silly but it really stresses me out now - i have developed a learnt reaction and i get angry.

does it really matter?!!

dh says he tries but forgets daily.
he is semi retired so this can happen 3 times a day at meal times ultimately.

he has suggested that i “ work on my reaction” ( it is ott)
and
that he does not use the table - which will affect out life !!

my thought is you are a grown man and you can put a chair under a table !!!

he also moves the coffee table daily and does not put that back either. Every day or many days i move it back.that bothers me less.

OP posts:
Cas112 · 16/04/2024 11:56

Annoying but I couldn't let it ruin my relationship

I thought having a partner there is always going to be niggles that get on your nerves but minor things you accept and move on from. I bet your partner has a couple about you

DonnaBanana · 16/04/2024 11:48

Not a war worth fighting in my opinion because then he’ll be justified in insisting you do things in a certain way as well. It’s a home not a fancy restaurant

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 16/04/2024 11:48

765g · 16/04/2024 11:37

Maybe if he leaves it out - ask him to come back and put it back a- no anger ( hold it in ) until he learns same with coffee table ?
if it causes him inconvenience it will likely stick better

😂😂😂😂

Thats really going to work. More likely to piss him off hugely.

Akamai · 16/04/2024 11:47

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 16/04/2024 11:46

It was a sarcastic rephrasing of what you said, not telling you anything!

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Thanks!

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 16/04/2024 11:46

MorningSunshineSparkles · 16/04/2024 11:36

@Akamai your post telling me I count myself lucky to have a man… except I don’t swing that way. You automatically assumed I was straight = ignorance at lesbianism, and arrogance in assuming I was straight.

It was a sarcastic rephrasing of what you said, not telling you anything!

Akamai · 16/04/2024 11:39

MorningSunshineSparkles · 16/04/2024 11:36

@Akamai your post telling me I count myself lucky to have a man… except I don’t swing that way. You automatically assumed I was straight = ignorance at lesbianism, and arrogance in assuming I was straight.

Oh give over, I was referring to your absurd post which said ‘You should count yourself lucky you still have a DH’.

Nothing to do with your sexuality Hmm

765g · 16/04/2024 11:37

Maybe if he leaves it out - ask him to come back and put it back a- no anger ( hold it in ) until he learns same with coffee table ?
if it causes him inconvenience it will likely stick better

MorningSunshineSparkles · 16/04/2024 11:36

@Akamai your post telling me I count myself lucky to have a man… except I don’t swing that way. You automatically assumed I was straight = ignorance at lesbianism, and arrogance in assuming I was straight.

Akamai · 16/04/2024 11:36

MorningSunshineSparkles · 16/04/2024 11:35

@Akamai you realise there’s lesbians in the world right? Extremely ignorant and arrogant to assume all women are straight. I don’t treat my spouse like a child, no one should.

Which of my posts assumes all women are straight? What are you on about?

MorningSunshineSparkles · 16/04/2024 11:35

@Akamai you realise there’s lesbians in the world right? Extremely ignorant and arrogant to assume all women are straight. I don’t treat my spouse like a child, no one should.

Akamai · 16/04/2024 11:30

MorningSunshineSparkles · 16/04/2024 11:25

His house too, there’s no need to be this controlling in a relationship. You call him down like a child? You should count yourself lucky you still have a DH, I wouldn’t put up with that shit and I’m a woman.

Yes, count yourself lucky to have any man, no matter how shit or how much mess he leaves. It’s a privilege to clean for men.

You wouldn’t put up with that shit but you expect OP to put up. How hypocritical.

godmum56 · 16/04/2024 11:27

Quiestvous · 16/04/2024 09:11

One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was "don't sweat the small stuff". It helped me to let go of this type of thing. (Doesn't mean it's really OK though!)

yup. My phrase used to be (I am widowed now) "Is this the dealbreaker?" I'd give anything to have the stupid annoyances back.

MorningSunshineSparkles · 16/04/2024 11:25

His house too, there’s no need to be this controlling in a relationship. You call him down like a child? You should count yourself lucky you still have a DH, I wouldn’t put up with that shit and I’m a woman.

Akamai · 16/04/2024 11:21

C1N1C · 16/04/2024 11:18

@Akamai oops, ok, ignore my post! - I mistakenly thought this page was 'all' that had been said about it (literally him pulling a chair out) - I missed the rest! :) (my mistake)

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No problem, sorry I was abrupt.

C1N1C · 16/04/2024 11:18

Akamai · 16/04/2024 11:08

Have you RTFT? It's not a non event, it's a long list of his behaviours that shows zero consideration for OP.

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@Akamai oops, ok, ignore my post! - I mistakenly thought this page was 'all' that had been said about it (literally him pulling a chair out) - I missed the rest! :) (my mistake)

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 16/04/2024 11:13

pinkyredrose · 16/04/2024 11:10

You sound like a sergeant major. I'd be leaving my chair out on purpose if I was him.
Who made you his boss?

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Absolutely. I’d be deliberately leaving them all out tbh.

Akamai · 16/04/2024 11:11

pinkyredrose · 16/04/2024 11:10

You sound like a sergeant major. I'd be leaving my chair out on purpose if I was him.
Who made you his boss?

Then maybe you could take him off OP's hands and live happily ever after as his skivvy.

pinkyredrose · 16/04/2024 11:10

You sound like a sergeant major. I'd be leaving my chair out on purpose if I was him.
Who made you his boss?

Akamai · 16/04/2024 11:10

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 16/04/2024 10:09

This is ridiculous.

We're not all wired the same way. If it bothers her, all she needs to do is push it back in.

Yes it's annoying. But she needs to try and change her own reaction to this, rather than expecting him to change.

Same would apply to her habits which annoy him.

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'Just push back it in' is basically code for do it all yourself.

Tuck the chairs in
put the loo seat down
put away the shopping he dumps on the counter
put away the shoes he leaves everywhere
keep cooking for him because he would just eat cereal

Until it all builds up into OP resigning herself to doing everything and clearing up after him.

Notthatcatagain · 16/04/2024 11:08

My DH does exactly the same, it's a narrow bit of the room and unless the chairs are pushed in you can't walk past them. Really irritating, I've started leaving mine out too so we shall see how he feels when he can't get to the back door

Akamai · 16/04/2024 11:08

C1N1C · 16/04/2024 11:02

I think this falls into the realms of 'training' him though.

I get that it's annoying, but in the grand scheme of things, it's absolutely a non-event. This isn't even a necessity (washing dishes, or even turning lights off to save electricity), this is more of a personal preference.

I do get what you're saying, but your argument of 'it bothers her'... you could make the same argument for not feeding her grapes while fanning her. I don't like the argument of it 'bothering' her as this could be used as a manipulation tactic.

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Have you RTFT? It's not a non event, it's a long list of his behaviours that shows zero consideration for OP.

BronwenTheBrave · 16/04/2024 11:06

So many red flags here. Classic controlling and abusive behaviour. Have contacted a solicitor yet? Time to get your finances in order and move on. You deserve so much better than this. LTB.

Akamai · 16/04/2024 11:06

Mothership4two · 16/04/2024 09:38

From someone who has had a long and happy relationship/marriage, don't do this, especially over just leaving a chair out, especially as you say he does loads right. Tit for tat doesn't belong in a relationship IMO unless it's an act of intervention if you are with a lazy b*gger who does nothing and expects you to do everything. Acting like that tends to go one way that's not a good thing for a partnership.

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Right, so this asshat leaves chairs out which is a tripping hazard, leaves the loo seat up, doesn't unpack shopping just puts it on counter, moves the coffee table daily for exercise space and does not put back, leaves his shoes where OP trips over them, complains about OP being petty and cruel, but yet anything OP does in return like not cooking for him is tit for tat Hmm This is how women are socialised into always being kind to twats who are not kind to them.

C1N1C · 16/04/2024 11:02

CurlewKate · 16/04/2024 08:44

I think many posters are missing the point. It's not that he leaves his chair out. It's that the OP has asked him not to and he still does it. It a very easy thing for him to do. It may not bother you or him, but it bothers her. So he should do it without even thinking.

I think this falls into the realms of 'training' him though.

I get that it's annoying, but in the grand scheme of things, it's absolutely a non-event. This isn't even a necessity (washing dishes, or even turning lights off to save electricity), this is more of a personal preference.

I do get what you're saying, but your argument of 'it bothers her'... you could make the same argument for not feeding her grapes while fanning her. I don't like the argument of it 'bothering' her as this could be used as a manipulation tactic.

Original poster
Notanana · 16/04/2024 10:24

NooNakedJacuzziness ive said how wd he like it if i did something like that - to try to get him to understand.

the thing is if i did start doing that he wouid know why and call me petty/ cruel- Which he has when I said the above.

OP posts: