Dh - his annoying habit .

I think you’re very very lucky if this is all you have to worry about. I don’t think I’d even notice.

I get told off most days for leaving my keys in the front door so my relative can get in and has to ring the doorbell. They think it’s deliberate and have a right old strop every time but I genuinely forget. I do have inattentive adhd but I think it’s pretty normal to forget something like this.

No. I don’t either. I’m just sitting at my table now and two of the chairs are jutting out and one has a jacket draped over it. 🤷‍♀️

@ClamFandango
I heard of an elderly woman who, when asked the secret of her long marriage, said, "On our wedding day I decided to make a list of ten things he did that I would always forgive"

The problem is that these charming little aperçu are always from women.....

I love that. As long as both partners have the same outlook it sounds like a recipe for a great relationship.

I heard of an elderly woman who, when asked the secret of her long marriage, said, "On our wedding day I decided to make a list of ten things he did that I would always forgive, so whenever he did one of those things, I would say, 'thank goodness that is one of the things on my list that I promised not to get angry about'." When asked what the list included, she said, "Do you know, I don't think I ever finished it".

@willWillSmithsmith
"That doesn’t mean the other person has to always acquiesce to what the other person wants. If something fairly trivial bothers you then you are the one that needs to deal with it."

Of course the other person doesn't have to acquiesce. But why on earth wouldn't he?

might do - but I am sure op will be open to other better suggestions .

I would get annoyed at this too. Yes it is a minor thing but it is a home not a restaurant or hotel and it’s both tidy and courteous to put things back in their place once they’ve been used.
When you are always tidying up after someone it is frustrating when they don’t do something that would literally take one second.

If this is their only bad habit then I could accept it and let it go, but in a rubbish relationship it could definitely be the “cup by the sink”

Meh people will always be annoying to live with TBH. No matter what!

That doesn’t mean the other person has to always acquiesce to what the other person wants. If something fairly trivial bothers you then you are the one that needs to deal with it.

Whilst I also like things to neat I won't clear up after DP. I have learnt to turn off my inner need for neat and tidy as well as my seemingly amazing super skill of knowing where everything is.

For example DP never plumps cushions so his sofa and his side of the bed have sad squashed cushions all the time whereas mine are lovely.

Petty? Not really because if he doesn't do it then it clearly doesn't bother him. It's a bit like all the posters who say their DHs are rubbish at presents or forget - it's not important to them so they don't want gifts either 🤷‍♀️

He is because he accuses OP of being 'petty and cruel' when things aren't where he expects them.

And he eats cereal if OP doesn't cook but eats her food when she cooks. What a manchild.

I’m 60. I’ve never noticed if people put their chairs under the table or not.

Is it just me?

@Akamai perhaps he's not so 'fussy' as the OP

Are you menopausal ?
The rage is real

I do this. I do it with a stool at the breakfast bar and my chair at the table. Never mind my husband he just laughs but it drives me absolutely nuts and its me that does it. I also leave the milk out.
All in all i'm mostly a joy to live with so we don't argue about it. So my advice would be, pick your battles ! Its unlikely he is doing it to annoy or disrespect you. It is, as he says, just a blank spot with him.
Is there nothing you do that annoys him or are you perfect ??

Then he can also wait a very long time for things he expects from OP.

Are you menopausal ?
The rage is real

If you called me down to do it you'd be waiting a very long time

Exactly. This is what I say to my young adult kids about leaving plates and cups in their rooms. It’s an easy thing to do and it bothers me. But they wont stop doing it. Even worse in a partner.

This wouldn't bother me, but I understand being annoyed by something trivial...my DH kept leaving things on my office desk, and didn't see it as a problem. I took to moving them to his pillow, and this unconscious habit was suddenly not an issue anymore...could you move the chair fully away from the table every time so he has to fetch it? A similar small inconvenience might remind him to push it in every time.

Your reaction seems very ott, honestly, but on the other hand, a tiny action on his part would resolve it, so he isn't entirely reasonable either...

Yes, I agree with this. It might sound petty but there’s usually more than one issue - and it is interesting that they can apply themselves and fulfil detailed requirements at work. This issue is that they can’t be bothered to do so at home.

I was going to post similar.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/15/style/modern-love-not-putting-away-shirt.html

This article offers a different perspective.

I like the chairs tucked in and DH forgets. If he is standing up from the table while I am there then I will ask him to tuck his chair in, but otherwise I don’t mention it. I certainly wouldn’t call him back etc. Some people would think asking at all is too much but I haven’t managed to let it go entirely so it is a compromise that works for us!

I’ve voted YABU, despite having similar types of irritations with my husband. He always puts his mug on the side, rather than in the empty dishwasher and he always leaves the downstairs toilet door slightly ajar. Just close it properly! But, these are all really inconsequential things that will not have any impact on anybody’s life, so it do tend to agree with him that you need to stop letting it bother you so much.