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AIBU?

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Original poster

To never contribute £ to a person leaving work collection ever again?

137 replies

pawpawgingins · 16/04/2024 08:02

Manager announced that the colleague is leaving and as usual, a card and collection.
I contribute £10 and wrote a lovely message.

I always contribute and always the same $ regardless of who it is UNLESS I had no interactions with the leaver at all which is rare.

< In my last job I used to do the ssme but used to do £5 since I earned a lot less (once the secretary told me that I was too generous because someone on 3x my wage gives only £3) but anyway…>

So I contributed £10 plus drinks at the pub. All good.

After 4 weeks of working somewhere else, colleague decides they don’t like their new job and asks the boss to come back. Since the position was still vacant with everybody else (includinv me) picking up the slack, colleague walks back as if they never left.

I mean, I know colleague shouldnt give anyone’s money back of course and it is not the future leavers fault and they shouldn’t be penalised but I’m massively put off now.

But having said that, when I left my last job, I did have some lovely gifts and a gift card which is no nice but I’m now thinking this culture should end.

Will feel super bad if I don’t contribute moving forward though, it is such a habit.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 16/04/2024 08:17

It is very difficult to be on the receiving end as well. I left a job having been made redundant. When asked what I wanted as a leaving gift I said I didnt want anything, I wasnt happy about the redundancy (forced out because my face didnt fit) but equally I had a substantial redundancy payout.

In the end I said something along the lines of 'Just buy me a sodding goat'. They actually gave me three teachers (Oxfam gifts). I was actually very happy with that.

Mind, I'm still waiting on their ofsted reports!

ChooksnChicks · 16/04/2024 08:16

You should only pay the amount you're happy with. Clearly you're not happy paying £10, so stop doing that. You've already been told by others that it's too much, so take their advice and reduce the amount. The only person you should direct your resentment towards is yourself. This person didn't force you to contribute at all, and especially not the high amount.

mondaytosunday · 16/04/2024 08:14

One if my jobs it was very common to 'leave' then come back a week later to freelance.
This can't happen often, so no eiuifnt bother me.
What I think is silly (and didn't happen when I was working), is the endless rounds of contributions to things like weddings, baby showers, etc etc that posters complain about. Though I remember parents coming round and assuming you'd automatically sponsor their kid in whatever money raising charity event their school put on - even parents I barely knew.

Medschoolmum · 16/04/2024 08:14

Honestly, I think you're being ridiculous.

It's entirely up to you as to whether you contribute to any gifts going forward, but don't make this the excuse for stopping.

Mothership4two · 16/04/2024 08:14

I assume that this was a one-off event? If so it really wouldn't bother me.

If you were to say this was the 2nd, 3rd or more time that one of your colleagues have done this OP then I would say YANBU, but that doesn't sound like that is the case.

The amount you give to leaver's fund is immaterial.

Crossposted with @SevenSeasOfRhye

SevenSeasOfRhye · 16/04/2024 08:13

If this is happening regularly where you work, I can understand not doing leaving gifts. If it's a one-off, you should take it as one of those things rather than letting it set a mould for everyone who leaves in the future.

Put yourself in the shoes of the returner - whatever front they are putting on, they must feel a bit embarrassed having left with a fanfare and then having to walk back in.

Original poster
pawpawgingins · 16/04/2024 08:10

I just feel like I paid £10 for the privilege of working extra hard for a month lol

OP posts:
Menomeno · 16/04/2024 08:10

Should she have stayed in a job she hated just so that you didn’t feel put out?

shoppingshamed · 16/04/2024 08:10

£10 is very generous, unless you're a very high earner I'd go for £5 and then it won't be quite so annoying if this happened against

I don't know what the expected procedure is here, it does seem cheeky to keep it especially if it was a large sum

Skykidsspy · 16/04/2024 08:08

I organise collections for various reasons and plenty don’t contribute anything. Ours is anonymous.

For me, I put in if I know and like them and how much depends on both those factors.

I don’t think that gifts should be returned though, they weren’t going through leaving and coming back for the gifts!

iLovee · 16/04/2024 08:07

I couldn't get worked up about this tbh.

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 16/04/2024 08:04

I'd be annoyed too OP.....but I can't imagine this happens v often

I'd say ...don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.......ie don't let your judgement be clouded by a one off incident