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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think a family member is being awful, although we’re living under their roof?

180 replies

PeachyGreen95 · 16/04/2024 07:42

I moved into my grandma’s home a couple of months ago, with my partner and our 6 month old baby. This is because I’m on maternity leave and my DP is training to do something else career wise, so we’re having to be careful with money. We were hoping to be here until September..

My grandma offered and said we could stay for as long as needed, we are so appreciative as we didn’t have much option other than to rent and hammer into savings.

Since we’ve lived here, my mental health has plummeted. We try to keep the house as tidy as possible with a 6 month old, I cook a nice home made meal every night for us all, do the shopping and be as respectful as possible but can’t help but think she is always trying to pick a fight. I feel as though I’m walking on eggshells constantly.

She makes hurtful comments often, she said I was fat because my jeans don’t fit after having the baby, said I care about no one but myself as I wasn’t sending photos of the baby fast enough to other family members, she watches like a hawk and will make comments about what I’m doing with the baby, how I’m weaning her etc. I’m so fed up.. last night she screamed at my partner because the baby woke up crying and he ran into the living room to turn the monitor off and said he didn’t want it to disturb her TV… she said she thought he was being funny with her. AIBU to think she’s being a bad person as she’s letting us live in her home and we’ve turned it upside down as a family???

OP posts:
saraclara · 16/04/2024 08:12

She probably offered this to be helpful, without appreciating how stressful she would find it to have two adults and a baby in her home for an extended period

That. I adore my kids and my grandkids and see as much of then as I can. But I'm used to living alone quietly, and I'm as sure as I can be that even a week of having them live with me would be really hard.

PeachyGreen95 · 16/04/2024 08:09

@Delawear I think that’s what it is. I appreciate it being stressful for her, she’s an older lady who now has a family with her. I’ve told her that her comments are hurtful and she cries and it becomes a bit awkward. I’ve asked her if she’d like us to speak to my partners family to see if we can move out ASAP and she said no. I’d rather her be honest as I’ve tried to approach it a couple of times.

OP posts:
Delawear · 16/04/2024 07:56

You will need to prepare to move.

She probably offered this to be helpful, without appreciating how stressful she would find it to have two adults and a baby in her home for an extended period. I think it’s because she knows deep down that she made a mistake and she is likely to be judged if she ejects family members with a young baby. Instead of being honest with you about her feelings, she’s finding fault to prompt you to make the decision to move.

Can you both have a discussion with her, ideally on neutral ground?

SheepAndSword · 16/04/2024 07:56

She might be awful but the only thing you can do is move out a few months earlier than planned.

Would you receive any UC/child assistance?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 16/04/2024 07:45

Was she like this before you moved in? Unfortunately the only thing you can really do is move out ASAP. If you stay I think you're potentially facing years of her guilt tripping you over how she helped you out and you're not doing enough for her and how ungrateful you are.