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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to carry out very basic DIY?

63 replies

NikkiMartin · 15/04/2024 23:44

How on earth do you get your respective OHs to pull their weight?

Presently want to shave my hair off, sell up and move to France - alone!

OP posts:
Original poster
NikkiMartin · 16/04/2024 00:01

To clarify - I thought asking for help would make him motivated and feel like he had the lead on something. And to share unequal distribution of labour!

Yes, I know it's easy to compare but all of my friends seem to have partners that will happily try to do things that are important to them. I feel like I'm the only one shovelling in the dirt.

OP posts:
maudelovesharold · 15/04/2024 23:58

I think both partners should pull their weight with household tasks, but we all have different strengths! If you’re doing all the diy and the cooking, cleaning, kids, admin etc., then yes, he needs to up his game, but if you think he should be doing the diy just because he’s a man, then YABU!

AutumnFroglets · 15/04/2024 23:55

So it's not really about DIY is it. It's about shopping, or lack of it.

Since he won't do the shopping what does he do instead that's equal to it? If the answer is nothing, then why are you with him?

TheHateIsNotGood · 15/04/2024 23:51

Are you unable to carry out basic DIY or super-proficient and can't understand why your DH isn't as skilled as you?

MariaLuna · 15/04/2024 23:51

I did a DIY course for women years ago. It was great to learn the basics which I can do.

I don't have a useless man around - hallelujah! - and any jobs that are too much for me I hire a handyman. Works for me.

SamBeckett · 15/04/2024 23:51

Why does it have to be a man that does the DIY?

Original poster
NikkiMartin · 15/04/2024 23:50

I can and do lots of DIY. I've done 80% of it since we bought a fixer upper together. I do 100% of the planning, procurement etc.

Current situation: he has not been asked to do anything in about 6 months. NOTHING. During that time I've done an insane amount. There's an incredibly basic project I've asked him if he could get the materials for, and we'll do it together.

I've been asking for two months: have you got that list yet. I ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WE NEED! four bits of wood and a metal grate, all from B&Q! He keeps saying he'll do it and never does it. It's became a ridiculous situation!

Do I cave and never ask him to do anything again? How do I make him care?!

OP posts:
Delphina17 · 15/04/2024 23:50

Why can't you do basic DIY?

Bellsandthistle · 15/04/2024 23:48

Really hoping this isn’t a sexist post, but you’ve given very little info…

Original poster
NikkiMartin · 15/04/2024 23:47

Maybe ripping hair out is more akin to what I meant ^ 🤣

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 15/04/2024 23:47

What do you mean by basic DIY? Is there a reason you can't do it? Tell us more!

namedilemma45 · 15/04/2024 23:46

I wouldnt shave your hair off France isn't that warm

JoniBlue · 15/04/2024 23:46

Why shave your hair off?