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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can you be friends with a young guy?

34 replies

TennisM3 · 15/04/2024 22:06

A guy started in sour workplace, about 2 years ago. He is 27 and I'm 49. We share an office and honestly we have great chats - usually about lots of deep things, philosophy, etc or he might talk about his girlfriend and me DH and kids etc.

It sounds really weird but we have the same vibe/emotional frequency and I find him such good company, he lightens my souls. He also said he really enjoys the chats too!

It is nothing weird but I find I have massive affection for him, like I care he is doing ok, like a friend would.

But can you honestly be close friends to someone much younger/opposite sex? I find I'm pulling away a bit more as it might seem a bit weird, I don't know. Thoughts?

OP posts:
NewName24 · 15/04/2024 22:28

Agree with the majority. Not sure why it would be weird.
He most likely perceives you as an older person he can chat to easily - like a friend of his Mum, or a Godmother or Aunty.
You are only chatting whilst working, presumably, not hitting wherever the clubbing strip is in your part of the world ?

Sallyh87 · 15/04/2024 22:28

He’s a work colleague, I have great chats with many of mine. From the outside, it strikes me that if you are worried about it, it might be because you are starting to feel romantic feelings?

SallyWD · 15/04/2024 22:23

I think it's perfectly fine. I find I connect with people because of who they are - not because of their age or sex. I have friends who are much younger and friends who are elderly.
I'm just wondering why you're worrying that this is weird? Is it possible that you're started to develop romantic feelings for him?

LoseMeLikeAnArrow · 15/04/2024 22:14

One of my close friends is much younger than me and male (I'm female). We share a hobby, so it makes sense anyway, but there is zero sexual chemistry on either side and a 20-year age gap and we have been close friends for nearly a decade. Nobody bats an eye-lid. It's friendship and friendship comes in many packages. Enjoy each others' company 🙂

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/04/2024 22:12

I think it’s fine, especially at work. I have a group of work friends and we range in age from 20s - 50s, admittedly all female (work in a school and male staff v. thin on the ground) but we are all at very different life stages and from very different backgrounds but the friendships are still genuine.

I think friendships with two very different ages/ life stages would be hard to develop in the outside/ real world, but in the workplace you’re often forced together with people for 8 hours a day 5 days a week, in that situation you do start to talk beneath service level stuff or beyond the stuff you outwardly have in common (eg: family, children, pets, career, hobbies) and can start to talk about politics or philosophy or values and connect on a different level. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that or any reason you can’t be good friends, although I expect if one of you left the job you might find it harder to keep going if you had to try and arrange to meet on common ground in real life.

MiddleParking · 15/04/2024 22:11

TennisM3 · 15/04/2024 22:06

A guy started in sour workplace, about 2 years ago. He is 27 and I'm 49. We share an office and honestly we have great chats - usually about lots of deep things, philosophy, etc or he might talk about his girlfriend and me DH and kids etc.

It sounds really weird but we have the same vibe/emotional frequency and I find him such good company, he lightens my souls. He also said he really enjoys the chats too!

It is nothing weird but I find I have massive affection for him, like I care he is doing ok, like a friend would.

But can you honestly be close friends to someone much younger/opposite sex? I find I'm pulling away a bit more as it might seem a bit weird, I don't know. Thoughts?

I would happily be pally with a younger guy at work if it came up but I wouldn’t be sharing the vibe/same frequency/having my soul lightened. That sounds like a route to making an arse of yourself in one way or another.

MistyBerkowitz · 15/04/2024 22:11

I can’t see why you think this is weird.

BettyShagter · 15/04/2024 22:09

Eh? How is that weird?

It's not like you're hitting nightclubs together, doing a line of coke and crashing on his sofa every weekend.

TeaKitten · 15/04/2024 22:08

Why’s it strange? You are old enough to be his mum, I can’t see why this is weird.

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