To scrap ‘evening’ invitations to weddings

We had an evening reception and invited 100 extra guests. We paid for a coach from our local town and there were very few people who declined. Provided a buffet and three free drinks at the bar . Cannot remember anyone feeling left out and all the angst that happen nowadays with evening invites! . It was great to have so many friends and family. About 200 including the daytime guests .
Quite a few evening guests came to the wedding service which was about 20 miles from our local town which was lovely. Lots of children came as well. It was just such a great day.

I know what people mean about tiers though, A list and B list. I was once just invited to the evening do and I was a bit peeved, so I just didn't go.
I think it's just a way to extend the day and have a bigger do.

I don't know if they should be scrapped but I have to admit I'm not keen. I love all my friends and don't like this two tiers of friendship notion.
My friend invited me to his wedding ceremony at the church and then the evening do of his wedding - not the afternoon bit which included dinner and speeches. I said thank you very much but I was secretly offended. I thought we were really close friends! It was also a real hassle as the church and reception venue were in the middle of nowhere so we were stuck in the countryside in our fancy clothes with nothing to do for several hours!
Then the dinner and speeches went on for an hour longer than they should have. All us evening guests were shut in this other room while there was great hilarity going on next door to us. So we could hear everything that was happening but we were shut out of the room! I have to say I felt the whole thing was very badly organised and the evening guests weren't made to feel welcome at all.

Interesting how split we are on whether the day time or the evening bit is the most fun. I'm such an old romantic that I love a wedding ceremony and all the speeches. But dancing with the drunk uncle while a wedding band butchers Stevie Wonder is not my idea of a good time.

Well I don't think you can make compulsory that people only invite guests for the whole wedding or not al all .

As soupdragon said it’s the self importance of thinking you should be at the whole day. We had an evening do, being brutally honest, they wouldn’t have made the cut if we’d had to pay for a full 3 course meal for them. However, we aren’t against celebrating with them. For some it was a financial decision, by the time we invited all the cousins from both our sides it would have pushed the bill up considerably so it’s just easier to say no cousins to the day and evening only.

We had our wedding in my home town and so many of DH’s cousins couldn’t make it as they weren’t close geographically. We sent an evening invite to his cousin in the US and she sent us a message to decline (obviously) but thanked us for still inviting her, that she sometimes got forgotten and people would not send an invite because they knew she wouldn’t be able to make it. She felt like us sending an invite when we knew she wouldn’t just let her know we were still thinking about her.

Most of the people who came to our evening do were friends of my mum because I wanted her to have a good time with her friends, same for some of my grandparents friends who were local. These were people I’ve known for many years and probably been to a meal with them to celebrate something for my grandparents and my mum, so they’re close friends. We had some extended family (who I invited to the evening out of obligation only) who got upset that I’d also invited some of my grandparents friends and they were in the same tier as them. My mum and grandparents wouldn’t have been offended if they didn’t get an invite at all but the extended family would have been even more pissed off to not be invited at all, but it was an obligation for me to invite them. An evening do does address those you are obligated to invite without causing world war 3.

I think evening dos have kind of fallen out of favour anyway because the traditional model isn’t really done anymore. Since our wedding, I’ve only been to 2 weddings that have had the structure of ceremony somewhere between 11am and 2pm, day guests for meal and then evening guests. Both of those were two people marrying from the same area and in the same area they’ve always lived in, so easy to have multiple layers of closeness all locally. Others have all been a mix of registry office and big party a few weeks later, wedding starts at 4pm and straight into a casual evening do and even a wedding that started at 2 and finished at 6 with afternoon tea (which for me, personally, was a waste of time). I just think it’s seen as the traditional way of doing it and some couples are just choosing not to accept that model.

The evening is usually dire anyway, everyone is either drunk or tired and had enough by then.

I don't think people realise that evening invites are really just a British thing. I can't think of anywhere else that does them??

I've only ever had 1 evening invitation and that was for a work colleague.

The actual wedding was small (family and close friends only) but a much bigger evening venue.
It was local enough for dp to give me a lift over, I bought a present but not a new outfit, no accommodation cost or childcare arrangements to work out (dd went along with dp for the ride and then went back home with him).

In those circumstances, I was quite happy to just turn up for the evening.

I wouldn't accept an evening only invitation that involved a lot of travel, a lot of expense or going to a morning ceremony and then being expected to entertain myself until the evening part began.

We didn't do evening invitations. Either we wanted people there to celebrate with us, or not.

Caused a few family ructions, as my father wanted to invite almoat everyone he had ever met to the ceremony and for a champagne/canape reception, then have a brief break while the majority left and then we would have a smaller party after. Because that was how 'society' weddings were done in his day. The battle to get him to accept it was our wedding, not his, and we weren't doing it that way.

Well of course YABU to suggest that people shouldn't have additional guests to a party in the evening of their wedding day.

What has it got to do with you what other people do ?

I mean, if you are getting married and choose to only have the guests you can afford to pay for a sit down meal for. That's fine.
If you get invited to an evening Reception and you choose not to go - again, that is fine (as long as your RSVP to that effect rather than just not turning up).

But it is utterly bizarre to suggest "we" shouldn't have something just because you don't like the idea.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
God I love Mumsnet.

Yes. It's odd to have a two tier celebration.

No we shouldn't scrap it.

However I am not having any at mine for the reasons you mentioned. We are getting married a flight and 2 hour drive from where we live in my home town. I would invite my work friends to the afters but for the reason of travel its not a viable option, so the close ones are coming and the rest I'll have a drink with in our local to celebrate.
But I have been to a couple of ones of colleagues who have got married on the general vicinity of the town I live in.

@easylikeasundaymorn yeah they sound about 12 with their laughing emojis and lols. Yawn 💤

I think they can be useful in some circumstances. But if it’s in any way inconvenient or you don’t fancy it just say no.

For my wedding, there were some people who had invited my parents to their children’s evening do’s (same village) and my husband (now ex!) had a lot of friends in the area from being local and years and years of pub sports, team sports etc. Far too many to invite to the full thing (which was already well over 100!) but who all turned up and had a great time in the evening with food and a band. Most were local anyway so it was just a fun Saturday night for them but no obligation to come and no present list etc. Tbh the big party was the best bit about the whole thing. Apart from the ££ spent 🤦🏻‍♀️😂.

Hmmm. My registry office had a limited capacity so I prioritised people who I wanted to see the ceremony, rather who I think were bothered about the ceremony. Then everyone else came for through hog roast/ceilidh/party bit! Work colleagues and some other friends. Some friend with kids. I think it worked well?!

People local to where you live (and the venue), say work colleagues or maybe neighbours, perhaps. Not otherwise.

The best thing any Tory MP has ever done was to introduce the law that allows for non-religious venues to host weddings. So no need to go to a church which many couples getting married hardly ever set foot in otherwise. Even more reason to have ceremony then food etc as one event.

@Sadiee0 the difference between a 40th/50th and an evening do is that at the 40th/50th everyone is on an equal footing and arriving at the same time.

We went to the evening do of a friend of DH's wedding. DH and the others were on a post grad course with the groom. About 10 of us arrived and went to the bar - we weren't allowed in as the speeches hadn't finished. When the doors finally opened and the music started, everyone was already half cut and stayed in their seats and carried on chatting. We had nowhere to sit and generally felt like spare parts. We left in under an hour.

I've had similar experiences in the past with work colleagues. No thanks.

I've been hurt a couple of times in the past when someone that I've considered to be a good friend has invited me to their evening do, but invited all other friends from that friendship group to the whole day. It stung, I won't lie.

I don't mind going to an evening reception if I'm going with a group and we're all invited together (such as work friends' weddings) but I just think there is the potential to really hurt close friends with the two tier system

@easylikeasundaymorn I'm confused why this was funny or why you felt what the OP said needed "explaining" when the other poster clearly understood it

For God’s sake, I used a laughing emoji because I thought the comparison of a wedding to a birthday party was a bit daft. It’s not that deep. I’m not sat here in hysterics, no need to be confused.

I think nowadays people have a much bigger disposable income and can have layers of celebrations. When me and my friends got married it was a church service late morning, and the church hall afterwards for the wedding breakfast (lunch). A hotel if you were a bit posher.
Then the bride and groom were seen off on honeymoon, usually having the car decorated and tin cans attached!
All this business of make up artists, loads of bridesmaids, an extra do in the evening would be beyond the reach of ordinary people.
So splash the cash all you want!

I wouldn't travel for an evening invitation unless I knew others (that I liked their company!) that were going and we were going to make a day of it - go for a meal together first.

Local evening invitations I'd go to, same as any other night out.