To scrap ‘evening’ invitations to weddings

Evening invitations are great for [very] local friends/friendly acquaintances who come as a group - mates from pub/book club/colleagues/badminton club/neighbours. Love going to an evening reception like that, sometimes more than a full day invitation.

I think where it has gone wrong is when people think it is ok to invite 4 out of 5 friends in a group to the day time and then one to the evening, or expect someone to travel for hours to get there or worst of all one half of a couple to the daytime and the other half to the evening (especially if it involves an overnight stay).

How am I being rude exactly? I haven't insulted anyone?

I really don't think that my husbands football team were interested in watching me walk down the aisle. They were very happy to rock up after a couple of beers at the pub for a hog roast and have a dance.

We did not do a two tier wedding as I think it’s rude. Just invite as many as the budget stretches to the main do. It costs a lot to attend a wedding - I think it’s rude to just invite to the evening do.

I decline any evening only invites.

We invited colleagues and more recent friends who live locally. The ceremony was registry office so limited space, and the evening part is essentially a party nearby with free food and drink.

I wouldn't invite someone to the evening part if they would need to travel. Just don't go if you don't fancy it.

I don't get the argument that people put out about "guests being expected to shell out hundreds of pounds to attend".

Evening invitations, on the whole, are for people who wouldn't be invited to the wedding, if there were no evening invitations.
Generally colleagues, team mates or friends from another hobby, potentially some school friends. Overwhelmingly, local people. How are you spending hundreds of ££ to go to a party ?

Did they tell you they didn't want to sit through a ceremony and speeches? How rude.

We had a very family and kids oriented day time at our wedding and then lots more evening guests which brought much more of a grown up party vibe. It was great. A lot of the people we invited for the evening (work friends and sport group friends) probably wouldn't have wanted to sit through all the ceremony and speeches but really enjoyed coming along for the evening bit. We just couldn't afford to host everyone all day.

I always decline evening only wedding invitations. Pointless event when everyone has already spent a lot of the day together, wined and dined, and usually leathered when you get there. Some teeny weeny burger slider or something else daft to eat. Better to send a nice card and a gift.

The dancing, drinking and carousing?

I love an evening invite. No need for a new outfit, much easier to get a babysitter, no need to take the kids, no offence on the part of the couple if I cba can't make it - it's all good. I've never been at a wedding with a free bar and don't generally eat food after nine at night so not missing anything there either.

I’d prefer to be invited to the evening do tbh. It’s so much easier to cancel if needed - plus I don’t appreciate being invited to weddings and having to stump up for new outfits for me and dh and a wedding present. The last two weddings I’ve been invited to were abroad - costing me for new outfits, childcare, flights, hotel and a significant sum of money (bride and groom had been living together for years and didn’t need household gifts so requested money). I sent a “Sorry we can’t make it” to both.

I don’t feel I missed out at all

People in my home country sometimes use a different kind of two tiered invitation. They may have a very small wedding, especially if secular, with only close family attending. Everyone else would be invited to the reception, which would always involve a meal hosted by the B&G and/or their families.

Only in the UK have I heard of offering two tiers of hospitality. I have never just been invited for the evening but I admit the concept doesn’t feel quite right to me. When people cite finances as their reason I just think, ‘Entertain in a style you can afford’. Great hospitality is possible at all price points. But I know I am in a minority.

When my daughter got married they had day guests only . Most of them stayed overnight and they thought it was cheeky to invite people for a couple of hours and expect them to spend 100's of pounds to attend.

@ncforthisone345 every wedding I've been to with a band also has a DJ , also don't hire wedding bands! Hire a local band you already like

Oh I have. Once where we had to wait outside until the main bit finished, another where they just provided bowls of peanuts and a paying bar but set up a table for gifts! Bit cheeky.

My opinion may be offensive to some…I think evening invitations are rude. It’s implying that there are two tiers of guests…the ones we really like and the ones we kind of like. Some are good enough to share our entire day, and others we don’t want to pay to feed, but we want them to turn up to our celebration with a gift, and by the way, they’ll hear secondhand how beautiful the ceremony was and how funny the speeches were.

Just no. I didn’t invite any ‘evening only’ guests to my (small) wedding. We wanted all guests to feel wanted and to be part of our special day.

We didn't have separate evening guests. I don't think many/any of our friends did from what I can remember. It not really the done thing in my social circle. Nor is a paying bar.

What weddings have you been to that the evening bits are so awful🤣

There was a thread on here where that happened. A couple were invited to the wedding ceremony, and the evening do, but not the sit down reception in between! The worst thing was that it was at the same venue, so they had to leave then come back!
People suggested looking round the town centre, going to Costa etc but I thought it was very rude.

Evening invites for acquaintances, work colleagues, neighbours etc are perfectly normal and people that fall into those categories do not, in my experience, throw a strop that they didn’t get a full day invite

Its usually expected that you turn up around 7.30, the reception side of the day starts, everyone has a drink, dance and some food

Usually people go in groups (like work colleagues) and they may or may not bring partners. Again no issue if partner not invited

Gifts are not expected but if given they are gratefully received. And of people decline because they can’t come or feel offended then that’s fine too

So no I don’t agree they should be scrapped. Had great times at evening receptions both with and without my partner

I should say we went to the evening do only not the wedding, which was perfect in those circumstances, as it felt we were there just to raise a toast and celebrate the union of a couple who we were fond of but not that close to.

I'd be miffed about going to a wedding then nothing then be expected to turn up to the evening afterwards.

I think a wedding and a separate evening shindig for everyone is grand! But it does mean people should be close - don’t invite people in London for an evening do in the shetlands or vice versa.

And I think it’s really bad form to invite for the ceremony and the evening do but not the sit down meal…which is what happened to me with someone who clearly just wanted to fill Shrewsbury Abbey but couldn’t actually afford the wedding of their dreams…

@Itsokish - that sounds like a great day, and if you have the budget, go for it!
Ours was very small because we were saving for a house. Also we didn't have parents who could pay for a big wedding like that. That's just the way of it. We got a house and are still happily married 36 years on!

Wedding bands are awful and this comes from someone whose ex was in a (pretty pricey) wedding band. He was a session musician just doing it for extra cash. I have to say they really ruin a wedding for me! The acoustics are always crap as well.

I've only been invited to an evening do of a wedding twice. One was of a childhood friend from primary but we weren't close in secondary onwards, the other was the daughter of my boyfs (at the time) family friend. Both was entirety appropriate and enjoyed going to both.

I think if you're inviting people who are local to your venue it's really nice.