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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

691 replies

JustABitOfUncertainty · 15/04/2024 14:31

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

OP posts:
KateDelRick · 16/04/2024 07:47

Pipsquiggle · 16/04/2024 07:46

@KateDelRick
What do you think could happen if someone/you wore 'everyday shoes' indoors?

The sky would fall in.

Pipsquiggle · 16/04/2024 07:46

KateDelRick · 16/04/2024 07:34

Every day shoes are different to shoes you'd wear to a party. They've probably not had much outdoor use. They should be fine.

@KateDelRick
What do you think could happen if someone/you wore 'everyday shoes' indoors?

KateDelRick · 16/04/2024 07:34

Every day shoes are different to shoes you'd wear to a party. They've probably not had much outdoor use. They should be fine.

DemBonesDemBones · 16/04/2024 07:31

@Calliopespa I'm speaking from my own experience. I appreciate yours may well be different.

Samlewis96 · 16/04/2024 07:18

AmethystSparkles · 15/04/2024 22:24

Next time could you pretend to have athletes foot? 🤣 (I have chronic athletes foot so I wouldn’t be lying!)

That doesn't stop you wearing socks

Noyesnoyes · 16/04/2024 06:54

abominablesnowman · 16/04/2024 00:55

Shoes are for outside. Going into someone's house and expecting to be able to wear shoes is gross and entitled. I don't feel I should have to tell you this.

Do you people wear shoes inside your own houses?

Yes I do..... please shoot me now!

Fizbosshoes · 16/04/2024 06:53

Differentstarts · 15/04/2024 23:29

It's your home, your sofa get comfy

I sit on the sofa cross legged quite a lot. We are relaxed about shoes on in the house although we mostly wear slippers indoors (I don't give slippers to other people - I didn't know that was a thing until I joined MN) but if my feet are on the sofa I wouldn't wear shoes or slippers

Calliopespa · 16/04/2024 06:50

Wallywobbles · 16/04/2024 03:54

I'm posh and I have never ever been to a shoes off party. And I have a lot of life behind me. So I think the posh thing is a red herring.

It isn’t posh. It actually isn’t even posh to obsess about how clean your house is but pop over to some of the housekeeping threads and you’d think it was the height of sophistication ( not to mention moral superiority).

People with large homes to upkeep and perhaps inherited antiques with upholstery that may be part of the value of the piece, or valuable old carpets do not exist in dust free environments. Also where there is still period glass in window panes it is much thinner and more brittle so you can’t clean them as vigorously or as often.

Pipsquiggle · 16/04/2024 06:46

abominablesnowman · 16/04/2024 00:55

Shoes are for outside. Going into someone's house and expecting to be able to wear shoes is gross and entitled. I don't feel I should have to tell you this.

Do you people wear shoes inside your own houses?

@abominablesnowman
Yes. I leave my shoes on. If I know I am not going to leave the house again, I put slippers on. Yesterday, I left my trainers on all day whilst I worked from home

What do you think is the worst thing that could happen when I leave my shoes on in my home?

Calliopespa · 16/04/2024 06:43

DemBonesDemBones · 16/04/2024 01:05

These threads always always descend into chaos. And I never understand why. I have never been to a house where shoes are kept on. Houses of working class people, middle class people, old money aristocratic people-every one of them shoes off.

That isn’t universally true. A lot of aristocratic homes have shoots and the like. People change out of wellies into normal shoes if the lunch is in the house. But they don’t all waddle in in their socks.

There is a difference between having slippers on at home as a family and when hosting formally and it’s the latter that is not done.

KateDelRick · 16/04/2024 06:36

Her floors are more important than her friends.

Calliopespa · 16/04/2024 06:35

2welshmums · 16/04/2024 00:08

I wouldn't want lots of people turning up and dragging dirt and germs through the house. Goodness knows what they at have walked through in those shoes.
They could have worn them through a hospital and bringing all sorts in, so I don't blame the host.

What I would suggest though is if it was a 'posh' party, the host could have provided slippers or something else for the guests to wear.

But since when have slippers been posh as evening attire?

When all is said and done the host was not posh enough for the type of party she was throwing.

JustABitOfUncertainty · 16/04/2024 05:42

Gosh I didn't realise there had been so many replies!! Clearly a divisive issue!

And actually I can't believe I forgot this, but many years ago I sought therapy and had initial sessions with a few therapists so I could choose. One of them asked me to remove my boots as soon as I entered her house, where the sessions took place. I was wearing knee high boots, so they were very much part of my outfit. I felt naked once I took them off. Also, in addition to the tights, I was wearing a pair of odd socks for extra warmth. Needless to say I did not return to that therapist, but thinking back, I wish I hadn't even stayed for that session.

OP posts:
peacocksuite · 16/04/2024 05:10

Shoes off is lower middle class and bad manners. So wasn't a posh party, just someone trying too hard.

Been to a lot of parties with posh people, never ever shoes off.

I think I'd have stayed for one drink and left, was clearly never going to be a good party. Would have just gone for a nice dinner somewhere instead so didn't get dolled up, book babysitter etc for nothing.

OVienna · 16/04/2024 04:35

JohnSt1 · 16/04/2024 00:14

I hope the host never has a medical emergency. Anything could happen while they wait for the doctors or ambulance crew take their shoes off.

Lol

Wallywobbles · 16/04/2024 03:54

I'm posh and I have never ever been to a shoes off party. And I have a lot of life behind me. So I think the posh thing is a red herring.

Loulou599 · 16/04/2024 03:44

All these people who are paranoid about dirt and germs (you know you can also sometimes clean your house?) what do you do about dogs ans cats inside? Do you make them disinfect their paws?

MyDentistIsCalledCrentist · 16/04/2024 02:48

abominablesnowman · 16/04/2024 00:55

Shoes are for outside. Going into someone's house and expecting to be able to wear shoes is gross and entitled. I don't feel I should have to tell you this.

Do you people wear shoes inside your own houses?

Of course I wear shoes in my own house, if I want to.

Has it never occurred to you that people might not want your trotters about the place?

JohnSt1 · 16/04/2024 01:18

I've never been to a house where I was expected to take my shoes off.

I would never walk around in socks in front of anyone. I wouldn't wear slippers in front of guests either.

glassconcreteandstone · 16/04/2024 01:14

JustABitOfUncertainty · 15/04/2024 14:31

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

God forbid that the wheelchair/hospital bed fundraiser host asked you to take your shoes off in their own home and ruined your carefully curated outfit! hopefully they still managed to carry on regardless, despite the fact it 'wasnt for her child'

Glad you didn't opt for the toeless tights/cocktail dress combo either 😂

DemBonesDemBones · 16/04/2024 01:05

These threads always always descend into chaos. And I never understand why. I have never been to a house where shoes are kept on. Houses of working class people, middle class people, old money aristocratic people-every one of them shoes off.

justasking111 · 16/04/2024 01:00

Differentstarts · 15/04/2024 23:25

You never lay on your sofa 😲

No she reclines 😂

abominablesnowman · 16/04/2024 00:55

Shoes are for outside. Going into someone's house and expecting to be able to wear shoes is gross and entitled. I don't feel I should have to tell you this.

Do you people wear shoes inside your own houses?

JohnSt1 · 16/04/2024 00:14

I hope the host never has a medical emergency. Anything could happen while they wait for the doctors or ambulance crew take their shoes off.

2welshmums · 16/04/2024 00:08

I wouldn't want lots of people turning up and dragging dirt and germs through the house. Goodness knows what they at have walked through in those shoes.
They could have worn them through a hospital and bringing all sorts in, so I don't blame the host.

What I would suggest though is if it was a 'posh' party, the host could have provided slippers or something else for the guests to wear.

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