to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

If friends were coming round for a drink to sit on the sofa in front of the fire then yes shoes off, if they're coming round for a dinner party or similar with lots of other people, I wouldn't dream of asking/telling them to take their shoes off. Shoes are part of an outfit and I would personally feel very uncomfortable, dressed up, shoeless.

No definitely not. But asking guests is the key point I think. I like to slob in my slippers and bare feet around my own house for sure.

OP was the party at the person's house? if so I would expect the possibility of taking shoes off.

Maybe also at the therapist house but in a professional environment perhaps she should have mentioned beforehand.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing Agree with the comment that posh people don't ask you to take your shoes off as it indicates you can't afford to clean your floors - I would take this further and say that 'shoes off' means that you actually clean the floors yourself (and so care and notice about this sort of thing) and don't have people to take care of that for you..

Note: I clean my own floors which is why I do wipe the dogs wet and muddy paws coming in..

No tights with trousers no (which I usually wear - not the gown type). I think in this case the host should have pre warned, or not asked guests to remove shoes.

I think the host was being too forceful about it. I also think you were probably taking yourself a little too seriously.

The vast majority of homes I know have a shoe-off policy and when I remember I bring my slippers. If not, I'm in socks.

We take shoes off here but I don't require it of guests. Most of my friends do.

I don’t think that many are in formal evening wear or hosting posh dinner parties in their own homes, in which case you could add’ shoes are not required to be removed’ on the invitation ! Presumably you’d have tights on under your evening gown, or could take some elegant slip ons with you.

"Surely the answer is to remove your shoes unless the host says otherwise?"

Not for me, I'd never just take my shoes off at someone's door because shoes off is just not a thing IME.

If I've been to a house for the first time I do ask if it's shoes on or off, but have genuinely never had anyone say yes please, like I said before I just get looked at like I'm really weird for asking 😂

What socks? Who wears socks with a lovely pair or wedges or sandals. I'm with the OP on this one. I always take my shoes of In laws as it's their preference BUT I make sure I have socks on, in evening wear I wouldn't be wearing socks.

Yes, but a lot do lay on the sofa with trainers on, or put them up on the table, so just remove shoes when entering the house, it’s not difficult, it’s a considerate thing to do. Some have said they’ve never been asked to do this, which I find very surprising!

In which case the host shouldn’t be hosting a posh party in her house as she can’t cope with basic etiquette (not demanding your guest change something about their attire on arrival) but instead should have hired a venue.

This dilemma isn’t about not wearing shoes indoors day to day, or occasional visitors, it’s about hosting a formal event. Perhaps it was her first time! Or perhaps she’s never been taught.

Has it not occurred to you that there is a middle ground that most people follow- no need to take your shoes off when you come into the house, but take them off to put your feet up on the furniture?

The Royal family has an army of servants and cleaners, so why would they worry about dirty shoes tramping about on their lovely carpets and polished floors? It’s not about people not wanting to clean their floors, it’s about not wanting muck from outside coming inside. Even if you wipe your feet, they will have been where dogs have fouled, and traces remain. Are you going to get the carpets shampooed after every visit? I think not! Surely the answer is to remove your shoes unless the host says otherwise?

I wear Ugg moccasin slippers in the house because they have a good sole so I can go out to bins, in the garden and get the washing in without changing my shoes.

My feet would freeze in winter without slippers even though we have the heating on all day

I change into flat sandles as does DH because we both hate slippers also a no to walking about in bare feet or socks. As mentioned in a pp I'd never order people to remove shoes nor would I expect to be ordered to remove shoes. If I was asked to do this I'd wipe my feel briskly on the mat, check my shoes for signs of dirt and if there was nothing visible I'd politely refuse.

@Bignanna
No shoes on furniture.
I can't remember the last time I wore a stilettos, probably 10 years ago. That goes for my friends as well.
When I go to my friends houses, we tend to drink cups of tea / glasses of wine in the kitchen.
Unless I am explicitly told, which has only happened once or twice, I will not remove my shoes because I am not a child and my friends are good hosts

The host clearly is a wannabe and isn’t cut out to host a posh party if she makes her guests change anything about themselves on arrival (in this case, removal of shoes). Even Buckingham Palace guests don’t take their shoes off. Can you imagine the old Queen (RIP) padding around in tights when she visited her mates??

We wear shoes indoors. All the time. I take them off to tuck my feet up on the sofa.

Yea its really not a given IME. Party or otherwise!

@Megifer
I am in my trainers right now. Typing at my desk, in my office, which is just off the kitchen. I had a doctors appt this morning so have been out. I will probably take them off at some point.

We have a 'no shoes' on the furniture rule, so inevitably shoes will get taken off when we want to loll on the sofa. The DC will take their shoes off as soon as they get back from school.

All our flooring downstairs is a hard surface so is a doddle to keep clean which actually might be the crux of this whole debate. Thinking about it, I don't tend to wear shoes upstairs as that is all carpeted.

What is a given? The removal of shoes at a party? What rubbish!

So is there a subset of shoes on people?

I'm shoes on for visitors. Me/dp/kids are shoes off as soon as we get in. So no risk of dirty trainers on sofas etc. We get comfy in our own home. We're not sat about from 9am to 11pm in our Nikes 🤣

Are there people who sit in shoes all day in their own house?

People who like visitors to remove their shoes are not weirdos. If so, then most people are weirdos

You imply that most people like visitors to remove shoes, do you have any evidence or is this just your experience?

If it's the latter, I've never been asked, as an adult, to remove my shoes and I'm well into my 60s.

This is a case for "bus pants" ala Sheldon Cooper 😂
I believe he wears them over his regular pants.

How odd, a posh formal party with people wandering around with no shoes on. I dont think it should have been on the invite, however I wouldn't have stood there making people remove their shoes.