Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

691 replies

JustABitOfUncertainty · 15/04/2024 14:31

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

OP posts:
KateDelRick · 16/04/2024 18:53

catonmyback · 16/04/2024 18:45

What do these people do if hosting a bbq

are guests expected to take shoes on/off each time they pop inside ?

I bet they would.

RosesAndHellebores · 16/04/2024 18:46

I imagine they hire a DavLav!

catonmyback · 16/04/2024 18:45

What do these people do if hosting a bbq

are guests expected to take shoes on/off each time they pop inside ?

Delatron · 16/04/2024 18:42

taxguru · 16/04/2024 18:34

That's fine with us. We have a box of those disposable plastic shoe covers in our front porch. Guests/tradesmen are welcome to use those instead of removing their shoes.

For a party?

catonmyback · 16/04/2024 18:42

You definitely do not ask adults to take their shoes off at a house party

never have i ever been asked

no way

Badbutlins · 16/04/2024 18:40

taxguru · 16/04/2024 18:34

That's fine with us. We have a box of those disposable plastic shoe covers in our front porch. Guests/tradesmen are welcome to use those instead of removing their shoes.

I have a feeling we probably wouldn't get on! Do you let tradespeople use your toilet?

KateDelRick · 16/04/2024 18:35

taxguru · 16/04/2024 18:34

That's fine with us. We have a box of those disposable plastic shoe covers in our front porch. Guests/tradesmen are welcome to use those instead of removing their shoes.

So, if I was to come to your house for coffee I'd have to put shoe covers on?

taxguru · 16/04/2024 18:34

Badbutlins · 16/04/2024 18:23

I refuse to take my shoes off in other people's homes. There are all sorts of reasons not to far more reasons not to remove than there are to remove. If you want me you get my shoes too

That's fine with us. We have a box of those disposable plastic shoe covers in our front porch. Guests/tradesmen are welcome to use those instead of removing their shoes.

Badbutlins · 16/04/2024 18:23

I refuse to take my shoes off in other people's homes. There are all sorts of reasons not to far more reasons not to remove than there are to remove. If you want me you get my shoes too

Gettingonmygoat · 16/04/2024 17:40

Bignanna · 16/04/2024 11:22

Naturally you keep your socks etc on! Nothing to stop you taking your indoor shoes/slippers with you. People who like visitors to remove their shoes are not weirdos. If so, then most people are weirdos!

Why would anyone take slippers with them when they hadn't been told beforehand that shoes were to be removed and what women puts on her best frock, great shoes and socks?

Strugglingtodomybest · 16/04/2024 17:38

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 16/04/2024 17:36

What phenomenally boring guests.

More like a phenomenally boring party. Shoes off was only the tip of the iceberg.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 16/04/2024 17:36

Strugglingtodomybest · 16/04/2024 17:08

I've only ever been to one house party where guests were asked to remove their shoes. It was a crap party and the main topic of conversation between the guests was about how rude it is to ask people to take off their shoes at a party.

What phenomenally boring guests.

Delatron · 16/04/2024 17:19

Strugglingtodomybest · 16/04/2024 17:08

I've only ever been to one house party where guests were asked to remove their shoes. It was a crap party and the main topic of conversation between the guests was about how rude it is to ask people to take off their shoes at a party.

That wins the thread.

Case closed!

KateDelRick · 16/04/2024 17:12

Strugglingtodomybest · 16/04/2024 17:08

I've only ever been to one house party where guests were asked to remove their shoes. It was a crap party and the main topic of conversation between the guests was about how rude it is to ask people to take off their shoes at a party.

😂

Strugglingtodomybest · 16/04/2024 17:08

I've only ever been to one house party where guests were asked to remove their shoes. It was a crap party and the main topic of conversation between the guests was about how rude it is to ask people to take off their shoes at a party.

Pipsquiggle · 16/04/2024 16:19

KateDelRick · 16/04/2024 15:58

Eh?
That's exactly what I said!
people should be relaxed in your home!

Apologies!

I got the wrong end of the stick.

KateDelRick · 16/04/2024 15:58

Pipsquiggle · 16/04/2024 07:56

@KateDelRick and @abominablesnowman

The sky is holding up fine in Berkshire plus all the other places I have lived.

Genuinely, what do you think could happen if people wore 'everyday shoes' indoors?

When guests come into my home, informally or formally, I want them to feel as comfortable as possible. By asking them to take their shoes off, you are making it about you not them. As others have said, you are placing more importance on your floor than people which is really bad hosting.

Eh?
That's exactly what I said!
people should be relaxed in your home!

Calliopespa · 16/04/2024 14:40

Calliopespa · 16/04/2024 14:39

Yes! My dad. He gets up and dressed and puts on a pair of lace up leather business 👞. If anyone says why not some slippers he looks bemused ( and faintly appalled) and says:” I’m not an INVALID. “😂

He also only wear trackies if he’s exercising.

Edited

Oh and jeans for gardening

Calliopespa · 16/04/2024 14:39

Megifer · 16/04/2024 11:35

So is there a subset of shoes on people?

I'm shoes on for visitors. Me/dp/kids are shoes off as soon as we get in. So no risk of dirty trainers on sofas etc. We get comfy in our own home. We're not sat about from 9am to 11pm in our Nikes 🤣

Are there people who sit in shoes all day in their own house?

Yes! My dad. He gets up and dressed and puts on a pair of lace up leather business 👞. If anyone says why not some slippers he looks bemused ( and faintly appalled) and says:” I’m not an INVALID. “😂

He also only wear trackies if he’s exercising.

Bignanna · 16/04/2024 14:27

Toptotoe · 16/04/2024 13:56

Have people never heard of mops and buckets? Or does everyone have carpet?

The ground floor of my house is totally tiled as imho carpets are very unhygienic so there’s no need for anyone to take off their shoes.
Any dirt brought in is quickly removed with some soap ,water and a mop.

I agree about carpets being unhygienic, people are not going to shampoo them as frequently as needed, but many have wooden or tiled floors with big rugs, often shaggy ones, so, imo shoes should still be taken off .

Toptotoe · 16/04/2024 13:56

Have people never heard of mops and buckets? Or does everyone have carpet?

The ground floor of my house is totally tiled as imho carpets are very unhygienic so there’s no need for anyone to take off their shoes.
Any dirt brought in is quickly removed with some soap ,water and a mop.

Fizbosshoes · 16/04/2024 13:51

In our house we mostly wear slippers indoors but if I'm doing chores, going in and out or wfh (an extension of the garage which is cold and tiled) then I'd probably keep shoes/sandals/trainers on. But no shoes on sofas or beds. I'd never ask or expect guests to take shoes off.

But my slippers are fluffy M and S ones and would look shit with any sort of party wear. Am i supposed to have a special pair to take to other peoples house? I automatically take my shoes off when I go to other peoples house because that seems to be norm but a party is different I think.

Delatron · 16/04/2024 13:50

Xtraincome · 16/04/2024 12:47

No definitely not. But asking guests is the key point I think. I like to slob in my slippers and bare feet around my own house for sure.

Exactly and this is the point. If you are being a good host then your guests comfort is the most important thing here. So it’s up then whether they keep shoes on or take them off. It is the height of bad manners (and very uncouth) to stand at the door and demand people take their shoes off.

I also hate the description ‘ooh we’re a shoes off household’ I am a ‘guests can do what they like’ household. I’m sat here in my socks. Doesn’t make this a ‘shoes off household’.

Remmy123 · 16/04/2024 13:19

Nearlyspring23 · 16/04/2024 13:10

I recently went to a house viewing. We were told by the estate agent as soon as the door was opened to take shoes off, I didn’t expect this, but totally fine.
The house was filthy, carpets were stained, mould on the walls, skirting boards missing, a large dog lived there and the walls and carpets were muddy. When I left the main thing I have contemplated since was why we had to take our shoes off.
I guessed for some people it is a habit, even if rationally it makes no difference??

That's the estate agent asking not the owners I imagine.

having a 'no shoes on' party is crazy your shoes are part of the outfit.

Nearlyspring23 · 16/04/2024 13:10

I recently went to a house viewing. We were told by the estate agent as soon as the door was opened to take shoes off, I didn’t expect this, but totally fine.
The house was filthy, carpets were stained, mould on the walls, skirting boards missing, a large dog lived there and the walls and carpets were muddy. When I left the main thing I have contemplated since was why we had to take our shoes off.
I guessed for some people it is a habit, even if rationally it makes no difference??