to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

I have an unopened pack of men’s socks should you wish.

Parrty time!

Come on. You're angry you were put in an uncomfortable position and were in uncomfortable surroundings. You made the effort and met an uncomfortable hurdle.

But they let out their private home for the charity occasion. They have a no-shoes policy. So politely go with it.

Personally I find such people dicks. But then I have both a dog and (the industry strength) Rug Doctor.

But even I gasp every time I empty the dark water from our very light coloured carpets. Seriously? That much dirt is in our carpets? But hey, almost that much dirt is in everyone's carpets. Even the one's who remove their shoes.

So get over it. And find more relaxed friends, or those who own their own Rug Doctor.

My first thought upon reading your post was that episode of SATC 😂

Its the one time I actually agreed with Carrie 🤣

But, I always assume when I go to someone’s home that I’ll be expected to take my shoes off. I’d expect it if people came to my home as I wouldn’t want my carpets being trampled over with dirty outdoor shoes.

So, yes she could’ve pre-warned, but I’d always go prepared by choosing an outfit that would be ok if shoes had to be removed

Apology accepted, thank you I appreciate it. Have a lovely night.

Another person who's never been asked to remove their shoes at a party at someone's house. I think that's a very weird notion. If people are so precious about their floors, they shouldn't have parties.

I'm remembering those famous pictures of the late Queen welcoming Liz Truss to her home at Balmoral, and the pair of them in stocking feet.

I’ve never ever been to a party in anyone’s house where I’ve been asked to take my shoes off. Complete nonsense!!

Shoes off isn't really a British thing and at a formal event it's very naff.

Same here. Usually I have no problems whatsoever with shoes off, but in OP’s case it sounds ridiculous.
The party she was invited to sounds like the type of event that would call for a more formal, elegant outfit - and then the guests are asked to walk around in socks or barefoot?
I think the host is being unreasonable.

If inside someone's house, I would always presume shoes off, socks on, mine included. As you step in all sorts outside and that's all I've ever known. Unless you have wooden floors that you can steam clean.

We have a big pile of slippers that we wear purely indoors 😂. Also in my partners culture wearing shoes inside is a big no.

However, if someone did not remove their shoes, I wouldn't make them. It would bother me but I wouldn't want them to feel unwelcome or embarrassed, so I'd suck it up.

I often imagine a scenario where there's a sudden terrifying fire, darkness, power cuts out, people scrambling for their shoes in a huge pile before trying to run from it. I have a very common and very painful foot condition (plantar fasciitis) and I cannot walk or stand, let alone dance, without my unglamorous trainers with my bespoke insoles and various other pain-relieving devices inside...

Regarding heels damaging wooden floors I would put a polite note on the invitation requesting people do not wear heels, or at least take them off in the rooms with those floors.

I do not get the 'dirt' thing at all...wet, muddy shoes can be wiped on a doormat, most people have a hoover or at least a carpet cleaner.
People's smelly socks, stockings, tights, feet, verukahs - whatever - all over the floor give me the real heebie jeebies

All these assumptions re no shoes indoors seem very strange to me but I'm in a children and dogs running in and out freely sort of situation 🤔

I'm sorry if you feel really offended. Those do sound like kind things to do for a guest.

But I still can't change my perspective that treating guests like they're dirty and expecting them to change isn't good hosting. If you do, you do. We don't have to agree.

Parties, shoes on. Outfits! Everyday life, sometimes people take shoes off, sometimes they don't. I have tiles and don't care. No shoes upstairs seems to be a thing though

Please don’t be offended if I don’t take your opinion on what constitutes rudeness to heart after what you’ve written.

Perhaps you didn’t mean to offend me so deeply but from what I’ve seen I’d not be surprised if you did. In my culture a guest’s every need is taken care of. Food to with dietary needs carefully researched, food to take home, a fully stocked cupboard of spirits/wines/beers/cider/mocktails/juices, music, party games, a spare deck of cigarettes and a lighter, spare chargers of every kind, freshly washed bedding for overnighters who drank too much, bottled water for the night and ibuprofen….

I assure you, the only person who hasn’t thanked me for a wonderful night was selectively mute. If your hosts are not the same it’s probably because you as a guest … are not the same.

It wouldn't occur to me to make everyone dress up then deprive them of their shoes. I am trying to imagine it a cocktail party with everyone in their socks and tights or camilla and charles greeting people shoeless. v weird. Think just don't have parties.i would take my shoes off, obviously but wouldn't bother to dress up.Is this a thing shoeless cocktail/dinner parties? I dont think its posh. If someone arrives in a wheelchair can they keep their shoes on as long as they swap wheels?

Do basically you wanted to wear your dirty unhygienic shoes in someone's clean house and then came on here to complain about it?! 🤔

I feel your pain. Five foot nothing here and my party outfits include my shoes. I wouldn’t dream of asking guests to my house to remove their shoes, unless they’re wearing work boots. Having said that the only person I know who expects shoes to be removed Is my cousin and they’re a 5’ 11” + family 🙄 I feet like a 6 year old even with my shoes on.

Yes, different if you're offering men's socks to men, at least.

But indeed, we won't agree on the concept because I do think it's rude and gauche to value flooring over the comfort of a guest.

Most of my guests/friends have been men so no flappy bits to worry about. As they are kind, considerate and good partners they have let their girlfriends, wives and boyfriends know, so no awkwardness.

In my view and culture wearing shoes in another person’s house is rude and dirty. I don’t judge other people for choices that they make in their own homes, but I would prefer it if the people I open my doors to will help a busy mum out, in maintaining my floors and general cleanliness.

I guess this is something we will simply not agree on.

You would ask your guests to wear a pair of flappy men's socks with their outfit?

Are you being ironic? I'm genuinely struggling to understand how you justify being that rude to a guest.

If I’m hosting then the carpets will be almost white.

They can get less than perfect in the winter time when it is hard to dry them. The colour might be nice when I’m done yes, but it will smell like wet dog lmao.

So you'd tell guests to take shoes off and offer men's socks and slippers? Even though your carpets are a bit dirty with 3 kids?

OH is from a culture that is shoes off indoors.

They wouldn't enforce it on a party that was people from outside their culture though. Once when my mum was invited I told her she might need to take her shoes off but when she got there OH mum told her to keep them on

We are shoes off and everyone I know asks at the door when they see my light grey carpets. If the carpets need a clean (3 kids 🥲) I say don’t bother but they insist. Health visitors, tradesmen etc all put on shoe covers automatically.

The only time I insist on people wearing shoes is if we are hosting a BBQ and loads of kids will be in and out of the garden. An indoor event? I have lots of pairs of slippers and an unopened pack of men’s socks should you wish.

Thinking how I probably would feel odd taking my shoes off if I hadn't planned to, and not reading the quote properly, I imagined this was describing FEET...

I'd need to sand and paint with industrial strength varnish mine before exposing them.