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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

691 replies

JustABitOfUncertainty · 15/04/2024 14:31

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

OP posts:
InferiorDesign · 15/04/2024 15:11

Shoes off is such an odd choice; I don’t know anyone with that rule in real life and definitely not at a party.

people’s bare feet on my
carpet gives me
more of the creeps

MyDentistIsCalledCrentist · 15/04/2024 15:10

I think it's bad hosting. You shouldn't be expecting your guests to be uncomfortable or spoil their outfits.

What's so great about sweaty feet anyway??

Yearendjoy · 15/04/2024 15:10

mitogoshi · 15/04/2024 15:05

Even tradesmen take shoes off automatically here, where are you living? Is it a north south thing?

I wondered this. I've never been to a house where people kept shoes on. Workmen all take off shoes or put shoe covers on here. I'm South.

Samlewis96 · 15/04/2024 15:10

TheFlis · 15/04/2024 14:45

Shoes off inside is one of those things people claim is the norm on Mumsnet but in real life I only know one person who has that rule. They have OCD (diagnosed) and anyone who knows them well enough to be invited to their house would know that and be able to plan accordingly. I think making people do it at a formal event is very rude.

Really? I don't think I know anyone who keeps shoes on in their house.

Sharptonguedwoman · 15/04/2024 15:10

Icanseethebeach · 15/04/2024 14:37

It wouldn’t occur to me to wear outdoor shoes in someone’s house.

It wouldn't occur to me that I couldn't wear my shoes. I find the whole idea bizarre.

Vinvertebrate · 15/04/2024 15:09

Shoes indoors of any description is grim as hell. We're shoes off and I would expect any event in a house to be the same.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 15/04/2024 15:09

Blahblah34 · 15/04/2024 14:45

I'd put some kind of floor protection down if I were hosting a big party.

I always have a small childs paddling pool at the door for guests to traipse through, in case any of them have verrucas.

Of course we still issue Covid Masks (we've got a ton of those!) but with a small holes poked through for a straw so that they can enjoy their cocktails / champers. 🍾

Megifer · 15/04/2024 15:09

YANBU but on MN you have to assume its shoes off.

In real life, in 40+ years, I've only ever been to one shoes off house and that was my aunts. If I go to someone's house I've never been to before I always ask "shoes off?" before I go in and get looked at like I've asked the most ridiculous question ever.

Nanny0gg · 15/04/2024 15:07

WhiteLeopard · 15/04/2024 14:37

We're a shoes off household in general, but if I was hosting a party I'd never make everyone take their shoes off!

^^This

And it's definitely rude not to inform guests beforehand,

What floors were they? And it if not carpet, then no need to be shoeless

Must have been a bit odd for the men to all be in socks too!

HummingbirdChandelier · 15/04/2024 15:05

mitogoshi · 15/04/2024 15:02

Why? Haven't been to a house party where you don't take shoes off, it's the norm. We like everyone I know take shoes off at the door. Doesn't everyone

Nope! I keep my shoes on, don’t care

But Formal party, formal outfits, obviously shoes!

mitogoshi · 15/04/2024 15:05

Even tradesmen take shoes off automatically here, where are you living? Is it a north south thing?

Geebray · 15/04/2024 15:05

mitogoshi · 15/04/2024 15:02

Why? Haven't been to a house party where you don't take shoes off, it's the norm. We like everyone I know take shoes off at the door. Doesn't everyone

No 😆

Bananadramallamas · 15/04/2024 15:04

After getting a verruca from a similar situation a few years back, I now keep a pair of ballet flats in my car. I'm just not walking barefoot for anyone.

Icanseethebeach · 15/04/2024 15:02

Janetime · 15/04/2024 14:45

It’s not like they’d have been traipsing through shite though. They would have been wearing shoes only worn for special occasion.

But they would have walked outside to go to places.

KreedKafer · 15/04/2024 15:02

Personally, I think it's extremely bad form to make people take their shoes off at all for a formal party, but if a host is going to do that, then of course they should warn people. It's really bad manners not to warn people, for all sorts of reasons including the one you mention yourself.

mitogoshi · 15/04/2024 15:02

Why? Haven't been to a house party where you don't take shoes off, it's the norm. We like everyone I know take shoes off at the door. Doesn't everyone

LaurieFairyCake · 15/04/2024 15:02

NOT a posh party

Wearing socks or tights or being barefoot means not posh

Everyone would have looked ridiculous

I'd have gone home

NashvilleQueen · 15/04/2024 15:01

I would not expect a posh party to mean everyone standing around in suits and socks or cocktail dresses and heels. Shoes are an important part of a dressy outfit and I would have had a face on me OP.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 15/04/2024 15:01

I think it’s bad hosting, and poor manners. Anyone prepared to throw a formal fundraiser party should have better manners than to make their guests go barefoot.

i don’t know any shoes off downstairs houses. Upstairs or in a carpeted room possibly, but kitchens and sitting rooms are guest areas and no one I know would make a guest remove their shoes.

HummingbirdChandelier · 15/04/2024 15:01

It’s extremely poor manners to invite someone to a party and then make them take their shoes off.

Justcallmebebes · 15/04/2024 14:59

Can't stand shoes indoors so I'm with the host on that and YABU to detest Carrie Bradshaw. She's great

User000001234 · 15/04/2024 14:58

I must say that I also thought of Carrie Bradshaw after reading your post!

We are a shoes off household and don't really host many parties but I can't imagine hosting a 'formal party' then making people take their shoes off, it seems a bit ridiculous.

I've got visions of people shuffling about in evening wear with bare feet, tights and socks Grin

MaybeImbad · 15/04/2024 14:57

TheFlis · 15/04/2024 14:45

Shoes off inside is one of those things people claim is the norm on Mumsnet but in real life I only know one person who has that rule. They have OCD (diagnosed) and anyone who knows them well enough to be invited to their house would know that and be able to plan accordingly. I think making people do it at a formal event is very rude.

I agree with this.

My work means I visit a lot of people in their homes, from all walks of life and from tiny studios to massive mansions - I always say ‘ooh, I’ll take my shoes off’ and the vast vast majority of people tell me not to bother. Maybe 5 per cent do? So I’ll always ask but on this occasion I’d be surprised if they had a home grand enough for a formal do and not appropriate guest area with flooring that can withstand shoes tbh.

That said, no I don’t think they should have put it on the invite - cos that would be really weird.

Time40 · 15/04/2024 14:55

I would have turned around and gone home.

SparkyBlue · 15/04/2024 14:55

I've never known any house where there is a Shoes off policy

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