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AIBU?

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Original poster

to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

691 replies

JustABitOfUncertainty · 15/04/2024 14:31

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

OP posts:
ineedsun · 15/04/2024 20:07

BobnLen · 15/04/2024 19:33

No one has yet said where all these shoes are left, is it a big pile where you hope to find both your shoes again or special holders or do you carry them with you all evening. It's not going to be like when a couple of people visit and they are left by the front door.

Maybe it’s a swinging thing? You pick a random pair of shoes to find who you’re spending the evening with?

Arconialiving · 15/04/2024 20:07

Blueocean18 · 15/04/2024 20:05

Not welcome!
Wheelchairs, people with balance issues, raynaud's, multiple sclerosis, arch problems, mental health issues to name but a few, not to mention the worry of guests at a party stepping on broken glass (it does happen) enough said. Leave your shoes on people but make sure you give them a good clean on hopefully a provided shoe mat. This obviously doesn't include footwear caked in mud. Anything else is unwelcoming & quite frankly rude to insinuate my flooring is cleaner than you who are very obviously dirty on entering my house.

Edited

This!

user1471556818 · 15/04/2024 20:07

I wear special orthotic inserts .I really would have wanted warning and to be able to bring my slippers so I could wear them .
Happy to do this but i would have been really sore for days afterwards if wandering around without my inserts .Plus does no one get cold feet in mumsnet world .

Gettingonmygoat · 15/04/2024 20:07

A note should have been included with thee invitation. Just as well it wasn't summer and the guests didn't spill out into the garden.

Blueocean18 · 15/04/2024 20:05

Not welcome!
Wheelchairs, people with balance issues, raynaud's, multiple sclerosis, arch problems, mental health issues to name but a few, not to mention the worry of guests at a party stepping on broken glass (it does happen) enough said. Leave your shoes on people but make sure you give them a good clean on hopefully a provided shoe mat. This obviously doesn't include footwear caked in mud. Anything else is unwelcoming & quite frankly rude to insinuate my flooring is cleaner than you who are very obviously dirty on entering my house.

Grammarnut · 15/04/2024 20:05

I never understand no shoes policy - unless it's a religious thing, e.g. Hindus tend to remove shoes when going into a house - and do think you ought to have been told. I went to such a party (not Hindus) once and had to remove my shoes and was monstrously unhappy and embarrassed as at that time I had a bunion on my left foot, felt I had to hide it all evening and entirely spoiled the evening. Hosts should consider that guests may have reasons for not removing footwear.

Anonymous2025 · 15/04/2024 20:04

If I was throwing a big party I would offfer covers for the shoes . You can also buy your own in fabric or plastic

VictoriaEra · 15/04/2024 20:04

Minglingpringle · 15/04/2024 14:38

I think it’s bad manners to expect guests to take their shoes off. You’re basically saying you value your floors more than their comfort. (Or you don’t care about them enough to clean up afterwards- you’re basically super lazy.) Especially at a fancy event, when people will want to dress up. Also, it makes the event less fancy: like you say, people’s outfits are ruined so they might as well have turned up in a tracksuit.

Completely agree. I would never expect that of guests. It’s demeaning.

TimeandMotion · 15/04/2024 19:59

taxguru · 15/04/2024 19:47

There have been times when presenters have taken off their shoes. Noticed it several times with Kevin McCloud on Grand Designs in particular. I've seen others too, usually when the presenter is looking around a newly built/newly refurbished home with new flooring just installed!

Not really as likely with Kirsty and Phil as they're generally looking around houses that are for sale, and the owners will have lived there a while and probably more interested in selling it than trying to keep the carpets clean if they're hoping to move in a couple of months!!

It's not really something that the cameramen/producers make an effort to show - often you don't see full body shots so wouldn't know if the presenter is wearing shoes in the house or not!

Show quote history

Of course there will be exceptions. But I assure you that it is only in a few cases and yes you do see feet most of the time.

and frankly, following your “the owners just want to sell” logic, surely the host of this party should have been more interested in raising money than anything else?

FrogTheWarrior · 15/04/2024 19:57

ShelfShark · 15/04/2024 19:49

But you wouldn’t know what they had on the bottom of their shoes unless it was enough to stink. There was a horrible statistic recently about the amount of dog poo on the floors in people’s houses because of how filthy our pavements have become. Not to mention all of the other dirt that people walk through. It’s baffling that anyone would allow outdoor shoes inside.

Show quote history

My “shoes off” approach started when my DC was crawling. It occurred to me then that people could track all sorts in with them.

Constantly argued with my idiot now exH about it - until he tracked white gloss paint all the way through the house which he’d trodden on in the hallway, which was being decorated at the time.

When I got my own place with my DC, it was one of the many “we’re doing this my way now” things that I was enjoying immensely.

BobnLen · 15/04/2024 19:56

A lot of these people have dogs and cats anyway walking on the floors

KAM12345 · 15/04/2024 19:55

How odd to make people take shoes off at a party. That is absolutely not normal!!

Popping round for a cup of tea I get but you still need to let the visitor know so that can wear appropriate socks ect.

If you are that extreme don't host a party.

FrogTheWarrior · 15/04/2024 19:51

mrsdineen2 · 15/04/2024 19:14

Yup, attacking someone the second they come in the door and implying they're either inherently grimy or the don't have the sense to avoid the dog shit 3 doors down.

I wonder do these posters have a fit of the vapors when someone travels by bus then sits down on their sofa?

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What’s a bus? 😂

Blueocean18 · 15/04/2024 19:50

NashvilleQueen · 15/04/2024 19:44

@eise if you stood in the entrance to my house on a drop off and removed your shoes whilst we had a quick chat I would think it very odd. More worryingly I would think you were hoping to stay!

🤣

ShelfShark · 15/04/2024 19:49

Megifer · 15/04/2024 16:29

I'd assume someone with dog shit on their shoes would know?

If not and they bring it in by accident no big deal, I have cleaning stuff ☺️ and an outside tap and grass so the shit can be wiped off. Maybe then keep shoes off until they go but shoes off as standard? Nah I'm good.

Disclaimer- friends/family can remove shoes if it's comfier and they want to put their feet up. They dont generally although my bestie does if we're having a full catch up. If I don't know the person well then their trotters must be fully encased at all times!

Show quote history

But you wouldn’t know what they had on the bottom of their shoes unless it was enough to stink. There was a horrible statistic recently about the amount of dog poo on the floors in people’s houses because of how filthy our pavements have become. Not to mention all of the other dirt that people walk through. It’s baffling that anyone would allow outdoor shoes inside.

BobnLen · 15/04/2024 19:49

eise · 15/04/2024 19:35

I went to my friends house to drop of her daughter off today and while chatting inside by her main entrance I removed my shoes. My DD removed her shoes and went off inside to play briefly. Her son's friend was visiting and his shoes were at the door. It's just perfectly normal. I am not sure why people are surprised.

So you stood next to your shoes by the door, what was the point of taking them off.

Chemistrychic · 15/04/2024 19:47

I think if you're going to someone's house it's polite to remove shoes as standard.

taxguru · 15/04/2024 19:47

TimeandMotion · 15/04/2024 19:36

If taking your shoes off inside is such a norm in the UK, how do you explain Kirstie & Phil and their househunters touring potential homes with shoes on? Or Kevin McCloud, George Clarke, Tinie and Angela Scanlon going round the transformed homes on their shows with their shoes on?

If it was such a norm, TV makers would get them to take their shoes off so the viewer could relate to them. But in fact they keep shoes on because who wants to see a TV host in their socks or bare feet? Nobody. Same applies to a fellow guest at a party IMO.

There have been times when presenters have taken off their shoes. Noticed it several times with Kevin McCloud on Grand Designs in particular. I've seen others too, usually when the presenter is looking around a newly built/newly refurbished home with new flooring just installed!

Not really as likely with Kirsty and Phil as they're generally looking around houses that are for sale, and the owners will have lived there a while and probably more interested in selling it than trying to keep the carpets clean if they're hoping to move in a couple of months!!

It's not really something that the cameramen/producers make an effort to show - often you don't see full body shots so wouldn't know if the presenter is wearing shoes in the house or not!

Dunnoburt · 15/04/2024 19:45

CharlotteBog · 15/04/2024 19:43

Even if you are invited to a formal party and you're dressed up with a nice dress and fancy shoes?

Show quote history

Yup..... guess I'm working class 🤣

NashvilleQueen · 15/04/2024 19:44

@eise if you stood in the entrance to my house on a drop off and removed your shoes whilst we had a quick chat I would think it very odd. More worryingly I would think you were hoping to stay!

CharlotteBog · 15/04/2024 19:43

Dunnoburt · 15/04/2024 19:41

First thing I do in someone else's house is take my shoes off.......I also advise people to wipe their feet on the way out if they are visiting mine 🤣🤣🤣

Even if you are invited to a formal party and you're dressed up with a nice dress and fancy shoes?

itsmylife7 · 15/04/2024 19:43

I'm a shoes off household but no way would I expect party guests to remove shoes.

BobnLen · 15/04/2024 19:43

eise · 15/04/2024 19:35

I went to my friends house to drop of her daughter off today and while chatting inside by her main entrance I removed my shoes. My DD removed her shoes and went off inside to play briefly. Her son's friend was visiting and his shoes were at the door. It's just perfectly normal. I am not sure why people are surprised.

That's not a party though is it, you were just visiting, this thread is about parties.

Nicelynicelyjohnson · 15/04/2024 19:42

eise · 15/04/2024 19:35

I went to my friends house to drop of her daughter off today and while chatting inside by her main entrance I removed my shoes. My DD removed her shoes and went off inside to play briefly. Her son's friend was visiting and his shoes were at the door. It's just perfectly normal. I am not sure why people are surprised.

What would you wear to a formal party then?
I just can't see cocktail dress and socks being a good look.

Readmorebooks40 · 15/04/2024 19:42

Maybe it depends where you live but it's certainly not the norm where I am from. I would never dream of asking a guest to take off their shoes. To me, that is rude. I generally take off my own shoes and wear slippers in my house but not when I'm hosting a party. Shoes most certainly are part of an outfit and a heads up should have been given.