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AIBU?

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Original poster

to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

691 replies

JustABitOfUncertainty · 15/04/2024 14:31

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

OP posts:
Delatron · 15/04/2024 20:45

I can’t bear the ‘basket of slippers!’ Imagine all those other feet that have been in there!

KateDelRick · 15/04/2024 20:45

I've lived in fair a few houses now, and I can't really remember the flooring. However, I remember the good times we had, the friends we had round, the meals and the parties.
It's a mistake to put floors before friendship.

Differentstarts · 15/04/2024 20:44

I can't remember whether it was a TV programme or on here but the home owner had a basket of used slippers by the front door for guests to use 🤢🤢🤮🤮

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 20:43

Psychoticbreak · 15/04/2024 14:42

I would have left. I dress from the shoe up.

I’m trying to decide if I would have. I have a loathing of verrucas ( once got one at university gym and it took simply months to go away) so I think if I had no tights or socks I’d have turned on my ( still firmly attached to me) high heels and left.

Zimunya · 15/04/2024 20:39

Janetime · 15/04/2024 14:35

If have assumed this was a potential. Lots of folks have shoes off.

oersonally I find it incredibly rude. We are shoes off, but my guests can do as they please. Carpers and flooring can be cleaned.

Totally agree that it is rude to ask guests to do this.

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 20:38

Gastropod · 15/04/2024 14:35

It's ridiculous to host a formal party and expect everybody to take their shoes off. Even uptight shoe haters should suck it up for such events! I stand firm in my opinion. So yes, a note asking you to not bother looking nice for the occasion and to bring slippers. And a onesie, why not.

And perhaps on the note a request they don’t use the loo because the host fears they have icky bottom germs.

Hosting requires a bit of sucking things up to not make your guests feel an imposition.

Have to admit I do dettol wipe the loo seat after guests leave if they used it but I’d never let them get a whiff of it ( see what I did there! 😂)

CharlotteStreetW1 · 15/04/2024 20:36

Nanny0gg · 15/04/2024 15:07

^^This

And it's definitely rude not to inform guests beforehand,

What floors were they? And it if not carpet, then no need to be shoeless

Must have been a bit odd for the men to all be in socks too!

Show quote history

Appalling hosting to make guests feel uncomfortable. I feel like I've read a thousand shoes-on-shoes-off threads on here and there's never been an answer to the question of house parties. Now there is and it's disappointing.

Haaaaaving said that, I might ask my guests to refrain from spike heels as it would ruin my wooden floors, so that's most of the Royal women off the guest list 😂

YANBU OP

Itloggedmeoutagain · 15/04/2024 20:34

Nicelynicelyjohnson · 15/04/2024 19:38

If I knew or suspected in advance I'd wear slippers. But I wouldn't want to dress up posh in that case.
I really dislike going to other people's bathrooms barefoot or (worse!) in socks, you then end up wet and sticky for the rest of the evening.
In a party environment there is also a risk of bare feet and broken glass.

Eeuuww yes the bathroom in bare feet!

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 20:34

Differentstarts · 15/04/2024 20:31

Where a shoes off home, but im not strict about it except with the kids. People im closer to tend to take their shoes off. If its more random people I don't ask them to and if they ask I say its up to them. I would prefer people took their shoes off but I don't like to tell other adults what to do and i dont care enough to make it a thing. I certainly wouldn't be stood at the door telling people to remove their shoes or they can't come in.

… and imagine doing it to people in cocktail attire - especially ones who have come to support your cause.

If you can’t get your head around getting your carpet deep-cleaned you aren’t fit for purpose as a grand-scale hosting venue. End of.

Differentstarts · 15/04/2024 20:31

Where a shoes off home, but im not strict about it except with the kids. People im closer to tend to take their shoes off. If its more random people I don't ask them to and if they ask I say its up to them. I would prefer people took their shoes off but I don't like to tell other adults what to do and i dont care enough to make it a thing. I certainly wouldn't be stood at the door telling people to remove their shoes or they can't come in.

Megifer · 15/04/2024 20:30

ShelfShark · 15/04/2024 19:49

But you wouldn’t know what they had on the bottom of their shoes unless it was enough to stink. There was a horrible statistic recently about the amount of dog poo on the floors in people’s houses because of how filthy our pavements have become. Not to mention all of the other dirt that people walk through. It’s baffling that anyone would allow outdoor shoes inside.

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I can smell a square millimetre of dog crap but besides, it honestly doesn't bother me. Us bringing dog poo in is unlikely as we put slippers on as soon as we get in. Friends/family unlikely to bring enough in for it to be a problem as there's no way they'd not smell it in their car. I have a dog, kids are sometimes sick, dog has had accidents, food gets dropped.....the germs from us in the house are more of an immediate risk

Shetlands · 15/04/2024 20:26

When you say 'posh party'... well you don't take your shoes off when you go to a formal event at Clarence House or Highgrove. How posh is she?

Maybe she lives in a Grade 1 mansion - the National Trust ones insist on 'no stilettos' but even they let you wear shoes indoors.

Blueocean18 · 15/04/2024 20:20

Blueocean18 · 15/04/2024 20:05

Not welcome!
Wheelchairs, people with balance issues, raynaud's, multiple sclerosis, arch problems, mental health issues to name but a few, not to mention the worry of guests at a party stepping on broken glass (it does happen) enough said. Leave your shoes on people but make sure you give them a good clean on hopefully a provided shoe mat. This obviously doesn't include footwear caked in mud. Anything else is unwelcoming & quite frankly rude to insinuate my flooring is cleaner than you who are very obviously dirty on entering my house.

Edited

I Should have added the elderly who find it difficult enough to put shoes on & off without a great deal of discomfort. To those people with this house rule I say have some thought for those who find a shoes off policy not only unwelcoming but totally inconsiderate of individual circumstances.

Starzinsky · 15/04/2024 20:19

If it's at their home then yes, shoes off is polite

HunterHearstHelmsley · 15/04/2024 20:19

I hope she had underfloor heating! I hate being properly barefoot, I always have socks or slippers on if I'm not wearing shoes. I'd not be impressed to turn up to a formal event and have to take my shoes off, I wouldn't have socks on! I doubt someone who insists on shoes off keeps their floor properly clean so I'd have my bare feet on their manky floor. Feel ugh just thinking about it!

I have no issue with shoes being off on a normal day to day basis but hosting a formal party and asking guests to take their shoes off is odd. Hire a venue. Don't host. Don't expect people to dress up and then take their shoes off.

BobnLen · 15/04/2024 20:17

Drttc · 15/04/2024 20:14

I’m surprised by the number of people who say shoes off are to spare the floor or avoid having to clean it the next day. We’re a shoes off house because we have a baby and outdoor shoes literally have poo and dirt on them (even if you can’t see it). Wearing outdoor shoes in someone’s house is foul 😖It’s eye opening to read so many responses that don’t see it that way!

Obviously you haven't read any threads on here where the baby has been caught with a turd in its mouth, there was one quite recently.

eise · 15/04/2024 20:17

BobnLen · 15/04/2024 19:43

That's not a party though is it, you were just visiting, this thread is about parties.

Show quote history

I have been to parties we only kept shoes on if the party was in the garden.

Drttc · 15/04/2024 20:14

I’m surprised by the number of people who say shoes off are to spare the floor or avoid having to clean it the next day. We’re a shoes off house because we have a baby and outdoor shoes literally have poo and dirt on them (even if you can’t see it). Wearing outdoor shoes in someone’s house is foul 😖It’s eye opening to read so many responses that don’t see it that way!

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 20:11

NoraBattysCurlers · 15/04/2024 20:08

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

This episode was screened more than twenty years ago.

A note on the invitation would be nice, but removal of shoes on entering homes is pretty common these days. Surely, even the dimmest would have realised that there was a possibility that shoes would need to be removed and would have planned accordingly.

I’m not sure it’s to do with dimness. It’s clearly a social milieu thing.

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 20:10

VictoriaEra · 15/04/2024 20:08

Agreed. All those bare feet - grim

Show quote history

Yeah I’m with you. Verruca gathering. I’d far rather have shoes

category12 · 15/04/2024 20:10

NoraBattysCurlers · 15/04/2024 20:08

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

This episode was screened more than twenty years ago.

A note on the invitation would be nice, but removal of shoes on entering homes is pretty common these days. Surely, even the dimmest would have realised that there was a possibility that shoes would need to be removed and would have planned accordingly.

It's all about context, isn't it?

Informal party - certainly would cross my mind.
Formal fundraising party - wouldn't expect it at all.

Icantbedoingwithit · 15/04/2024 20:10

Never in all my years of living have I been asked to take my shoes off in anyone’s house.

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 20:09

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 15/04/2024 14:33

If the party was at her home I would assume shoes would be off. Was it?

For a formal event?!

Fine to be a shoes off household ( we are - in theory). I also ask visiting children to take off their shoes but draw the line at adult guests unless they offer ( and I accept!)

But for a formal fundraiser when people are in cocktail attire or similar?!

If you aren’t prepared to get the carpet cleaner in as part of the hosting expense ( for an event on that scale) you aren’t in a position to host it at home as far as I’m concerned.

VictoriaEra · 15/04/2024 20:08

SaltyGod · 15/04/2024 19:01

This topic is always so interesting as it is so divisive.

I genuinely don’t know a shoes off household. I can’t imagine being asked to take shoes off at a formal party, party outfits don’t work in bare feet. I also really don’t like feet, the thought of all those sweaty socks and toes mingling on carpet gives me the shivers (granted this is a me issue 🤣)

Unless someone has hiked over hill and dale to get to my house and were all muddy, we are shoes on. Please keep your shoes on in my house 😄

Agreed. All those bare feet - grim

NoraBattysCurlers · 15/04/2024 20:08

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

This episode was screened more than twenty years ago.

A note on the invitation would be nice, but removal of shoes on entering homes is pretty common these days. Surely, even the dimmest would have realised that there was a possibility that shoes would need to be removed and would have planned accordingly.