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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

691 replies

JustABitOfUncertainty · 15/04/2024 14:31

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

OP posts:
Meganmeccano · 15/04/2024 22:04

If visiting someone's home then not unreasonable to expect to be asked to remove shoes. (However it is a bit more unusual given that it was a very formal event, e.g. men in suits with their socks.) I don't think this needs to be stated in advance.

fluffi · 15/04/2024 22:04

I would assume that a party in someone’s home could be shoes off and choose my outfit accordingly and take some nice footise type socks in my handbag just in case.

BobnLen · 15/04/2024 22:04

SkyBloo · 15/04/2024 21:55

I think there's an age element to it to. Older people seem horrified by the notion of feet.

My friends (all late 30s), lawyers/accountants/doctors/architects mainly, almost never wear heels or really any sort of "smart" shoe unless absolutely required for a work event. They are awful for your feet.

And what class do you think you are

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 22:03

Tbh public transport is grubby.

Next it will be take your trousers off to sit on my seating.

Barney16 · 15/04/2024 22:03

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 21:39

I hope you use them ASAP after their stinky bare feet have been all over your floors.

😊feet are disgusting. That's why humans have shoes.

Runnerinthenight · 15/04/2024 22:02

Beansandneedles · 15/04/2024 22:01

Being honest about learning something new on the internet is weird and rude? 😕

No, insisting people take their shoes off is weird and rude.

Discriminatory too potentially. People with diabetes are advised not to walk barefoot.

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 22:02

Shestolemyboyfriend · 15/04/2024 22:00

Oh God who actually cares

Well there would be no thread if no-one cared. And you’d be bored 😐 because you’re reading it.

Beansandneedles · 15/04/2024 22:01

Runnerinthenight · 15/04/2024 21:57

That is just weird and rude.

Being honest about learning something new on the internet is weird and rude? 😕

Shestolemyboyfriend · 15/04/2024 22:00

Oh God who actually cares

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 21:59

Runnerinthenight · 15/04/2024 21:52

Literally everyone I know is shoes on!!

I have never been to a shoes off social function.

At home yes we try to be. I’m the worst offender as I always get in the car then remember I’ve left something inside.

Visiting children I ask to skip them off but children have dear little feet that are nothing to be ashamed of and also normally wear socks.

I would never ask an adult guest to - even if a casual get-together just the two of us. If they offered I’d say only if you genuinely don’t mind.

If it’s cultural ( eg a mosque or friends from a different culture) it’s a bit different as you come prepared.

But to blindside a guest or press a communal pair on them in other circumstances is crass.

Namechange23589 · 15/04/2024 21:58

Shoes off imo is SO rude. But then I have a dog who tramps god knows what in each day and we're still here lol. But seriously, I can't imagine expecting guests to remove shoes. Awful.

RosesAndHellebores · 15/04/2024 21:58

As a family and close friends, we are shoes off. We are so old now our close friends bring their slippers Grin.

However, every other year now we have a big party and I wouldn't dream of asking people to remove their shoes. I've never been asked to remove mine at a party either.

Every tradesman I've had round in the last couple of decades arrives with shoes covers.

Runnerinthenight · 15/04/2024 21:58

SkyBloo · 15/04/2024 21:55

I think there's an age element to it to. Older people seem horrified by the notion of feet.

My friends (all late 30s), lawyers/accountants/doctors/architects mainly, almost never wear heels or really any sort of "smart" shoe unless absolutely required for a work event. They are awful for your feet.

Oh look who has posh friends 🙄

I know plenty of young professionals and they all wear smart shoes.

Runnerinthenight · 15/04/2024 21:57

Beansandneedles · 15/04/2024 21:43

Gosh mumsnet can be so educational! We're a 'shoe off household', which before I read this thread I genuinely didn't realise was an optional thing. I don't think I have ever, in my 37 years, been to a household which is a 'shoe on' location, unless it was a building site/undergoing construction of some sort. In fact many of my friends have house shoes (aka slippers) they offer their guests on arrival. I learn something new every time I visit this website.

That is just weird and rude.

SkyBloo · 15/04/2024 21:55

I think there's an age element to it to. Older people seem horrified by the notion of feet.

My friends (all late 30s), lawyers/accountants/doctors/architects mainly, almost never wear heels or really any sort of "smart" shoe unless absolutely required for a work event. They are awful for your feet.

bunhead1979 · 15/04/2024 21:53

I think this thread has shown its a bit of a moot point that all the floor germs are bad, given all the “shoes on” people are still alive and well. I am one of those dirty specimen and still thriving even after 45 yrs of living in all that filth.

Runnerinthenight · 15/04/2024 21:52

SkyBloo · 15/04/2024 21:50

I'd always assume that if something is hosted indoors in a private home, its shoes off.

The only people i know who wear shoes indoors are pil who are ridiculously upper crust & live in vast country home

Literally everyone I know is shoes on!!

Runnerinthenight · 15/04/2024 21:51

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 15/04/2024 21:32

In someone's house - of course you take your shoes off. 😳

Of course you don't, in my world, thank god!

SkyBloo · 15/04/2024 21:50

I'd always assume that if something is hosted indoors in a private home, its shoes off.

The only people i know who wear shoes indoors are pil who are ridiculously upper crust & live in vast country home

Londonrach1 · 15/04/2024 21:49

If in her house of course shoes off. Strange if not .

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 21:47

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 21:09

Ok Negligée’s feet make the point to all those saying it is polite to take shoes off.

It’s hardly polite to compel your guests to stomp round in Moria’s verruca trail, Bill’s athletes foot germs or to be confronted by Hilda’s bunion and Nigel’s black or fungal toenail.

What is polite is to coincide the party with your carpets being deep cleaned- which ought to happen relatively regularly anyway. But even if you don’t often. Pay to clean them, suck up the cost and do it as a one off. Or don’t strut your stuff as a posh party host who invites everyone to make an effort to dress up.

Sorry @Megifer ! Your name autocorrects to negligée! How sexy😆!

Beansandneedles · 15/04/2024 21:43

Gosh mumsnet can be so educational! We're a 'shoe off household', which before I read this thread I genuinely didn't realise was an optional thing. I don't think I have ever, in my 37 years, been to a household which is a 'shoe on' location, unless it was a building site/undergoing construction of some sort. In fact many of my friends have house shoes (aka slippers) they offer their guests on arrival. I learn something new every time I visit this website.

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 21:43

Differentstarts · 15/04/2024 20:44

I can't remember whether it was a TV programme or on here but the home owner had a basket of used slippers by the front door for guests to use 🤢🤢🤮🤮

I’d go home. If the host is saying it’s their floor or my feet, I’m saving my feet.

Wishlist99 · 15/04/2024 21:39

A shoes off party is most certainly not usually a posh party. I’ve only been to one posh party where it was stiletto shoes off (newly refurbished 250 year old parquet flooring) and it was both noted with much embarrassment on the invite and brand new sliders provided at the door for anyone who had spikey heels.

Calliopespa · 15/04/2024 21:39

Barney16 · 15/04/2024 21:27

When people take shoes off in my house I'm astonished. I have a mop and bucket and a hoover.

I hope you use them ASAP after their stinky bare feet have been all over your floors.

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