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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to cancel on a friend's wedding after accepting the invitation

160 replies

Confusedwedding · 15/04/2024 14:01

Hi everyone, just wanted to get a few extra opinions on this before I make decision.

About a month ago, I got a wedding invitation from a friend. She's an old university fried who I haven't seen much over the last few years as we've both moved around but we are still on good terms. At the time I accepted in invitation as I was happy for her but now I'm starting to have second thoughts.

Firstly, I am only invited to the evening reception from 7pm-12am. I'm not upset by this as we aren't that close but the venue is a good three hours from me so it's quite a long way to go for four hours.

As well as this, the venue itself is in a small village about 20 miles from the nearest town so I will need to book a hotel, train (I don't drive) and then a taxi from (and probably to) the venue back into the town I'll have to stay in. This is probably going to come to nearly £200 and that's before I've even spent anything else. On the day of the wedding there is also tube strikes (I'll be travelling through London) adding another layer of difficulty to the journey.

I'm guessing there will be other people from our social circle invited that I could split costs with, I don't want to ask them though in case they aren't and it makes things awkward. This is another thing I'm concerned about if I get there and don't know any of the other guests.

Basically I'm now second guessing if it's even worth it and letting my friend know I can't go anymore. The invitation said RSVP by late March and it's now early April but I can't imagine they will have made provisions for me (e.g. meal) if I'm only invited to the evening do.

My friend is quite laid back so don't know if she'd be that bothered but I also know if the roles were reversed she would make an effort to get to my wedding even if just an evening guest three hours away. Also a wedding is quite an important thing to skip out on last minute so she may feel differently about it.

I've asked a few friends what they think I should do and quite a few said they think I should cancel but others have said I should still attend as I said I would. I just wanted to find out from people not connected to the situation if IABU by cancelling now.

OP posts:
bellezarara · 15/04/2024 14:24

OMG do cancel. That is an enormous amount of money to pay for an evening invite.

TunaCrunchy · 15/04/2024 14:24

I think it’s fine to say you now can’t come because of a tube strike.

ExtraOnions · 15/04/2024 14:22

Why not just message “ Tube strike is making the logistics really hard, is anyone from round here going, to see if they want to share transport?”

Peonies12 · 15/04/2024 14:20

Honestly, I doubt she expected you to come. We only invited local guests to our evening. I'd never travel far for an evening. It's fine to cancel, as you say, it's not like you'd be on the table plan or getting a meal. But i would send a card and gift.

Elephantswillnever · 15/04/2024 14:19

In an ideal world you’d of considered those things earlier and politely declined. Now you have to apologise and, or at least I would, send a gift.

DanceMove · 15/04/2024 14:17

Honestly, I don't think anyone ever expects someone to travel a long distance and pay for overnight accommodation for an evening invitation. I think it's a nice way of saying 'I still value your friendship and would love, if you're able to do it without endless faff or expense, you to be there, but don't worry if not'.

User79853257976 · 15/04/2024 14:15

I can see why you would cancel. It’s not really fair to invite someone to the evening only if they live that far away. Maybe it was a courtesy invite.

TonTonMacoute · 15/04/2024 14:04

Cancel, you think it's going to be a hassle and you won't have a chance to chat to her much.

Let her know ASAP so she can make other arrangements, just say 'sorry, can't make it after all, but I would love to meet up another time for a catch up'.

LoobyDop · 15/04/2024 14:04

Not really ok to cancel once you’ve accepted, but you could ask your friend who else you’ll know, and then get in touch with them to see if you can travel together, stay in the same place, etc.

Nonentitynumpty · 15/04/2024 14:04

You have your excuse reason right there - it's in a difficult to get to village, you don't drive, and there's going to be a train strike on the day you travel ...