AIBU to cancel on a friend's wedding after accepting the invitation

Either cancel or ask her which of your social circle is attending so you can split costs without worrying about asking people if their invited.

Don't go - it seems like too much hassle. Nobody bothers much about a late cancellation on an evening-only invite, the catering for that is usually fairly generalised (buffet/barbecue/etc)

I don't think cancelling as an evening guest will make a massive difference to her planning.

I think it's rude to invite people just for the evening celebration who are travelling from far away. To me, evening only invites are for local friendly acquaintances like work colleagues or people from your sports team. People who would enjoy popping in for a few drinks and being part of it but won't have to go to much trouble.

I think you should at least try and reach out to the other people in your social circle who may be able to split costs with you. Then cancel if not possible. It shows you did at least care enough to try and avoids "well, so-and-so made the effot so you could have too"

Not sure why you agreed to it to begin with @Confusedweddingas most of your reservations were relevant before the tube strike? (distance / cost etc)

Just make your excuses and put it out of your mind.

(although the OP seems to have gone AWOL)

Cancel. If she's laid back and hopefully quite reasonable and a good friend, she'll understand. The journey sounds back breaking! And you're only invited to the evening do. I would have to politely cancel.

@Sootyb, I'll explain from a Scottish perspective.
A 'full wedding' would be an invite to the 1-2pm service, usually in church, registry office, or hotel. Canapés, Meal at the reception venue. And the dancing 🕺 party 🥳 after the meal usually finishing at 12pm.

And Evening Invite is an invite to the Dancing / Party after the meal. Usually they'll be a small evening buffet sometimes rolls n sausage / bacon. Served around 9.30pm while the band / dj have a break.

Evening invites are a thing, for people like work colleagues or old friends who you aren't particularly close to any more. And it avoids the cost of a meal.
Meals at weddings are pricy so it's a way of trying to keep a cap on costs.

Is it ok if someone can explain only invited to the evening part of the wedding? I thought if you get an invite to a wedding you go for the whole thing! I'm from Australia so might be different, usally there is a wedding ceremony where anyone can go to watch the couple get married invite or not, then following this usally a few hours later is the reception for those that are invited. So is this done a little different?

I most likely wouldn't go in those circumstances

This is your friend right you should just talk to her see if you can sort something out she will be able to give you details on who else is going, if I was your friend I would appreciate the honesty after all friendship is based on loads of things and one is understanding 😊

I always treat these events as part of a mini holiday for me, so I’d personally make a weekend out of it. I book a nice b&b in a nearby village, plan to visit a nearby town/other villages, go for an afternoon country walk, book lunch in a nice pub for the next day. This way it doesn’t feel like you are spending money just to get to a wedding.

It really isn't , it's the evening party not the full wedding. It's absolutely fine to cancel OP just do it soon.

She won’t even notice you are not there on the night I really wouldn’t worry! Just say sorry I can’t come. It’s not that deep

Sorry but I think this is a little bit shit.

Your reason is basically “sorry I can’t come to the wedding, it involves more effort than I think it’s worth”

Not always possible to scope out future transport strikes ….

I have a rule for myself: once I accept an invitation, I always attend (unless I am really poorly on the day or someone close has just died).
That means I always scope out logistics and travel before replying.
Can you make enquiries about lift sharing, to save travel cost?

I would cancel as soon as possible with your apologies for not realising how hard the transport situation would be or alternatively a white lie saying you completely messed up with the dates.

They are all valid reasons not to attend.

maybe to avoid the hurt and appearing last minute regret has reared its head, say you’ve now got to to work?

Cancel, it's just the evening do, its not the actual wedding

Things change, circumstances change. Perfectly understandable that people will no longer be able to attend. At my wedding we didn’t have to confirm exact numbers until a few weeks before. The cost for night guests is usually lower than day guests too, so it’s a little less impact if you do cancel. I would make the decision ASAP and let her know if you’re not going, maybe suggest getting in touch after the wedding to catch up/do something nice. I really don’t think you’re being unreasonable, you don’t have to go just because you’ve agreed to something, you are entitled to change your circumstances/mind.

I'd ask the Bride / friend which other friends are going as your hoping to share a lift due to the travel issues.

Then make your final decision based on that.

Yep. I only had guests all day, and chose a practical venue that was very accessible by train and car, guests could leave their cars there overnight, and there were cheap hotels a short walk away. We preferred this than a venue that may be more ‘instagram worthy’ but not practical.

There is often a buffet in the evening

That's why both my elder dds only had people for the whole day. Dd2 also had accommodation for 2 nights for all guests ( she originally invited 50 and they all could have stayed for free but due to covid she had to cancel and rearrange with only 30 guests).

I would cancel. Something along the lines of 'Regretfully, having looked more closely at the logistics of attending your reception, I fear I must now withdraw my acceptance of your invitation. Best wishes for the day, Confused.'

As you said "I can't imagine they will have made provisions for me (e.g. meal) if I'm only invited to the evening do." I can't imagine either. Your withdrawal will not inconvenience anyone. Your attendance will seriously inconvenience you.

I’d ask the bride about if other people
from your social circle are going to
aee if you can split costs but if you can’t then you won’t be able to make it