To be annoyed he cancelled and lied.

online dating is full of horrible people, but there are some good ones too. As soon as you see a red flag like this, move on. It was a red flag that he hadn’t rescheduled earlier regardless of what country he was in.

you should check out Lalalaletmeexplain. She’s on Instagram & has an audiobook. I found her really helpful when I was dating.

I go to the lakes walking often and have more than once received random texts like you get when you arrive abroad on holiday from network provider saying ‘welcome to France’ or ‘welcome to the Isle of Man’ it is bizarre but I think maybe the nature of being on top of a large hill in an area with little network coverage like a glitch….maybe this is similar and he really was in the lakes 🤷🏻‍♀️

I haven’t online dated for over 10 years but my conclusion was from my previous flurry pre swipe culture is that its shouldn’t be too much to expect an adult male to be an effective communicator with some emotional maturity but that you have to demand this as a basic benchmark . Trust me just this will cull a lot of the deadwood . Next that gut instinct thats nagging at you to the point of detective work just save yourself the tailspin and trust your gut he is not being straight forward or respectful of your time he is not the one for you 😘

I understand your statement. But are you saying women shouldn’t date multiple people? What is your suggestion?

Checking current locations on a dating app. How dangerous and handy for a stalker..

I wonder why the UK has readily imported the multi dating trend which has been going on in America for years but has not adopted the same way that the Americans deal with owed Child Support.
Could it be that the former benefits men and the latter does completely the opposite!

Your gut instinct is not to trust him. You don't know him. You don't have a relationship with him.

Life is short. Don't waste your very valuable youth on people who don't have good manners and are not particularly bothered breaking a date with you.

You're not that important to him. And you're already running around after him, checking up on him. That is a bit sad and desperate.

Just go find someone a little more reliable and likeable.

My own laptop usually thinks I’m 250 miles away from where I actually am even when I’m using it so I wouldn’t necessarily trust the App’s location finder. Maybe just try being normal

Online dating is def annoying, but he’s also not exclusively with you and please don’t think you’re the only person he’s speaking to, because you def will not be.

If you have fun with him, leave the ball in his court, but continue to date other people and don’t put all your eggs in one basket so soon! Good luck 😊

Surely most 99.9% of people living in the uk would say Belgium if they went to “the lakes” in belgium and say the lakes if they went to the Lake District.

it’s like someone saying oh I went to Scarborough beach for the weekend when they actually mean a niche coastal town I. Western Australia.

he’s either being deliberately obtuse or he’s lying. Both of which deserve a block.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to note his location if your talking about tinder, it’s pretty much there in your face….. actively digging would be a bit off considering the limited interactions….

@JenniferBooth and what's cool about that?

So he’s not keen. That’s that.

Apart from the fact that, as several posters have pointed out, there are lots of reasons why your location on the app might be wrong, and also Belgium has lakes…

Move on, it’s harsh but he’s just not interested- he wouldn’t have cancelled 3 times if he was

If you have suspicions and a legal way to check, it isn’t foolish to do so.

Agree that he’s far too flakey and should be dropped for that, but if you hadn’t come to that conclusion already, checking up on him was a sensible thing to do. Glad you didn’t just sit there feeling disconcerted but as though you had no choice but to take his word for it.

All this ‘he doesn’t owe you anything’ nonsense drives me mad

everybody should treat others with respect and honesty in these situations. He absolutely owes you that.

however, the fact he keeps cancelling does mean sadly he’s not that in to you and I would move on from him and forget him

Because OP states she wasn't stalking but then goes onto say that "I did keep checking the location" - suggesting more than a single casual glance. Which is where posters have picked up on a bit of a 'creep' factor in relation to OP.

However, she's likely quite right to bin him as he's cancelled on her more times than he's seen her. Incidentally, the Belgian Lake Districts are gorgeous

Quite!

There's even a cycle path through it

Hell yeah - Belgium has a beautiful Lake District

In which case I'm a misogynist male too 🤷‍♀️

I don't know how OPs app works, but for some reason my phone thinks I'm in incorrect places. I've not been abroad in a good few years but it consistently thinks I'm in the Netherlands. I've checked and apparently I don't have a VPN enabled. Last year it seemed to think I was somewhere in South Africa, so a lot of UK websites security policies just wouldn't let me in.

Up until reading he'd cancelled 3 times I thought the was a small possibility he might have the same issue as me. But nah, he's just being a dick!

OLD for over 15 years. People show you their behaviour and it is up to you to carefully watch what you are being shown. The cancels and reschedules suggests to me that dating is not high on his agenda at the moment, he has other stuff going on. We have no idea what that is, so its not even worth guessing. Who knows which lakes he was in or whether he even was, but the reschedules and cancels alone would be enough for me to think that he's not really that bothered and therefore I wouldn't be that bothered. Also, if you feel like you are being lied to at this stage in the game, that is also not a good sign.

It is a tough old game but you have to watch and listen carefully and only ever invest if someone else clearly indicates that they are investing in you - at least if it is a relationship that you want.

Good luck @namechangingforthis100. There are good ones out there. Don't get disheartened.

He does sound useless @namechangingforthis100 and you are worth better. I feel sorry for any woman who is having to use online dating to try and meet a man, because the online dating pool (of men,) is full of shit. Most men are only out for a shag, and even the very few who aren't, are looking for a woman 15+ years younger. And as a pp said, a nurse with a purse, a woman who will be his domestic servant, and have a shag when he wants it. They don't want to give much back though.

I know a woman right now (age 48,) who has been on 3 dates with men she met on online dating - in the past 2 months. And 2 of them asked her if she can cook, as that's a dealbreaker. The third one asked her if she wants to go to the Premier Inn next door (she met him at a service station,) as he had booked a room, to see if they were 'compatible.'

As I said, the men in the online dating pool are mostly shit. I've been with my DH around 30 years, but if he left me or died, I would never bother with another man again. (I'm early 50s now.) I know a number of women who are 55+ who were widowed after 30-45 years with their DH, and they have tootled along fine since he died, and are quite happy alone. They enjoyed their 30, 35, 40, or 45 years with their DH, but wouldn't have another man in their life if someone paid them.

Having said all this, you do sound a bit intense @namechangingforthis100 . And yes, the behaviour (trying to find out where he really was,) WAS a little bit stalkerish. Clearly you've been burned quite a bit, and this behaviour illustrates that, but most men are not going to want to be with a woman who tracks their whereabouts. It is a bit odd.

The option to see his location is on the app, so she used the option.

It's not important where he is. But interesting he lied to OP given he's signed up to an app showing his location.

The important thing is he said one thing and meant another and OP caught him out.