To think sex is a misogynistic concept?

YANBU not to have sex if you don’t want to for whatever reason

sex isn’t misogynistic in and of itself - it’s a biological drive but as others have said it can be misogynistic in the way some men approach it. Also women aren’t meant to enjoy it - if we do we are labelled negatively - also misogynistic!

I think there's something about the fetishisation of female virginity too (but my menopausal brain won't let me construct a coherent paragraph about it, so I hope people understand what I'm getting at).

I read a thread on MN recently about a women whose DH hadn’t been prescribed enough viagra for a health condition and she said that sex was important in their relationship to get ‘the validation and assurance’ she needed. I thought ‘not an orgasm then?’

I do wonder if lots of women conflate their personal self esteem with sex and this idea of ‘being desired’ - which certainly has an implication for power dynamics and misogyny. Men, in my experience, compartmentalise and for them, sex is a powerful physical release. Women seem to have a different agenda. I say ‘seem to’, because as a heterosexual woman, it’s always been purely physical for me too but I wonder if that’s the exception rather than the rule.

Not all sex and not every man/ every time... but yes, largely I agree with you that most men will have watched or had (or thought about or spoken about) sex with a woman in a very misogynistic way, at least on occasion.

Many men still view sex as something they do 'to' a woman rather than 'with' and many people still only count PIV as 'sex' that is complete when a man 'finishes'...

I have had m/f and f/f sex and they are worlds apart in how I feel perceived and treated.

Depends whether for you, 'sex' means vaginal penetration by a penis or 'pleasurable sexual activity that may or may not include piv'

Purely framing sex as piv makes it sound like a conquest, which is misogynistic

Sounds like you need some therapy. Seek help.

Your view is skewed but not without reason.

For sure any idea that women 'should' have sex with men is misogynistic, and it's unfortunately still quite pervasive. The 'sex positive' movement seems rather negative in its overall consequences for women.

True sex positivity is being positive about positive sex - freely consenting mutual pleasure and/or comfort. Saying 'no' to anything you find negative should be seen as positive.

You need some help. Seek some help.

Excellent response.

Agree with this.

the act of having sex is just a misogynistic concept

The act of having sex is a biological mechanism for the exchange of genetic material in order to reproduce. It has no concept of morality.

You're confusing sex with human sexual desires.

I think you are right insofar as there is a lot more focus placed on male pleasure than female in society.

That's really not the case in my house!

Oh look, the circus is in town

Not a new idea -- as a pp said, read Andrea Dworkin.

Oh give over.

You do you love😂

Yes, you are. It’s a means of continuing the species.
YANBU to decide you don’t want to engage. Of course you’re not, we can do what we like.

You need a good partner that’s all!!
My DH will always make sure I want to have sex and in the mood and he’s more interested in seeing me pleasured than vice versa.

I think it's more that misogyny has distorted, reframed and, in many ways, corrupted sex, rather than it is inherently misogynistic in of itself.
Therefore sex can be beautiful and as far from misogyny as an activity can be between two people, or it can be an abusive act. Neither are what ti can only be, however.

I'm really sorry that you've experienced trauma surrounding this, OP. If you don't want to for this reason, then don't do it.

I will gently agree with other posters - sex can be misogynistic, and I dont just mean the act, but the relationship or circumstances under which it takes place too, but that isn't the case for all situations.

This is not a new idea. See political lesbianism. Sex in and of itself is not misogynistic (as others have said, all mammals do it), but it isn't unreasonable to believe that our human sexual culture(s) are so toxic with misogyny that any sex act between men and women will be of necessity tainted by that. I think there is a case to be made, and I think this is becoming more true as society becomes ever more saturated with pornography.

Agreed.
If you don’t want to have sex, don’t. It’s really that simple.
It only matters to you and the partner you were having sex with, nobody else. No need to give your reasons or engage in a political debate over it with others.

You need to explore the writings of the late Andrea Dworkin, OP.

Why Andrea Dworkin is the radical, visionary feminist we need in our terrible times | Women | The Guardian

When I started reading your post I thought 'NOOO'. ,but then I thought about all the posts on here where women are having types of sex which are very much informed by misogyny - strangulation, being called whores and sluts during sex, acting out rape scenes with their partners and so on.

So sex does not have to be misogynistic - it can be really hot and beautiful and an amazing blending of connection and emotion and giving and receiving of mutual pleasure.
But culturally, it is often infused with misogyny that both partners have internalised.