To think sex is a misogynistic concept?

There is a huge difference between violence which includes sex (always wrong) and passionate sex.

When my hormones are bubbling, l need sex. But regardless if it’s a long term thing or a brief encounter, no oral = no entry. No exceptions.

Take it up with God. Or Charles Darwin. Can't help how reproduction was designed really. But the designers need sacking for putting the clitoris where it is instead of inside the vagina.

I think sex definitely comes with a lot of baggage. It's not misogynistic in itself in my view but Jesus it shines a light on it in so many ways. From porn, to anyone's experience of dating websites, to the comments about your tits made on trains. It's very easy to me to see what you mean op, but it's something used as a weapon by misogynistic people, not misogynistic in itself. Just my view.

I have explained the reason for my first reply. I have explained, not that I needed to, that I too have a damn good reason, the same one as the OP btw, for the opinion I gave. It happens to be different from OP; this is aibu, we are allowed to give opinions

if you were a virgin again , would you lose your virginity in the same way as you did? | Mumsnet

There are is a wide range of experiences on that thread. Have you read it?

Do you not suppose that the sexual trauma is the op's particular driver for abstaining from sex rather than a more abstract observation about the 'toxic patriarchy'? Being scathing about the ops understanding about the patriarchy is one thing but going on to say she is cutting her nose off to spite her face over a misunderstanding is cruel.

This all sounds very ‘lie back and think of England’ and as though you would be having sex out of, at best, a sense of social obligation.

You don’t seem to be thinking about the possibility of feeling sexual attraction to a specific person, or in the context of a good relationship.

I can think of all sorts of reasons, including trauma and on line dating that would lead you to that conclusion, and it’s good to be a bit wary. However that isn’t the whole story.

Your position only makes sense if you take as read the assumption that you are having sex with a misogynist.

And to be fair there are a lot of them around and yes I have encountered (and had sex with) men who have such an attitude. There is a grain of truth in what you say and historically a lot of men have come from the starting point that sex is “for them”. Which is why you get phrases like “lie back and think of England” and “I’d rather have a cup of tea.”

But sex doesn’t have to be like this. If a woman with self belief and agency has consensual sex with a man who respects her it isn’t remotely like this. It’s a mutually fulfilling experience which enhances the relationship.

The trick is to educate both men and women to understand the difference.

I too have suffered sexual abuse as a child (aged 8-14 years). However, it does not mean I cannot have an opinion on sex, men, attitudes, etc, nor does it necessarily mean my opinion has to be a negative 'all men are toxic and misogynistic' one. I can understand, and was able to educate myself, to the fact that not all men act in the way my abuser did.

And if sex, men and attitudes to sex fall under the same discussion umbrella, I can express an opinion. Yes, I find phrases such as toxic patriarchy rather stupid, so what? It has been bandied about, attached to many things, and so is meaningless.

Fucking hell, is there any need? Regardless of the various thoughts about sex and culture, do you not think her reluctance around sex is more likely down the the stated sexual trauma? Have a word with yourself.

Toxic patriarchy?
Have you just started a uni degree?
But if you want to deny yourself what can be a fun and/or pleasurable experience, and one that is the most natural for conceiving a child, based on a misconception, please feel free.
Your lack of a sex life will make no difference to the rest of the world, but will affect you

Heldinadream Andrea Dworkin was a truly wonderful person . We watched her in a documentary back in the 90s. She rescued prostitutes and helped them .As a young newly wed I was horrified (very sheltered upbringing!) And had never heard of snuff movies before. Or any violent point.stayed with me for years.

view sex as power and something they 'do' to a woman as opposed to a mutual exchange of love/pleasure

I don’t think it’s that deep. Most men like this are opportunistic and try to get sex where they can. It’s not a modern life thing, controlling the male sexual urge has been a key challenge of civilisation in my view

Patriarchy is much much older than Christianity tbh it’s almost just part of the human condition. Not much evidence for a widespread matriarchal culture. Most said to be matriarchal involve men having to make long trips overseas or mountains (so gone for years at a time) and society had evolved to adjust to those realities.

It wasn't that long ago that sex was purely seen as pleasurable for men and something a woman should just have to endure to please them.

It's a common mistake to think the Victorian era's hangups are representative of all historical beliefs. The Victorian prudishness, anti-sex views, women are angels of the home etc was itself a backlash to previous decades of permissiveness.

There have been many points in history where sex was definitely seen as pleasurable for everyone involved. In fact, as I understand it, during medieval times women were assumed to get more pleasure from sex than men. (Of course, this was then used as a reason to place restrictions on women to 'protect' them from their urges).

We are not the first society where men and women have had lovers, affairs, multiple partners, kinky sex and so on. It's just that in the past it was generally only the upper classes that could afford to take the risk (socially, and the risk of pregnancy).

What a nasty, condescending thing to say to someone who’s experienced sexual trauma. Unnecessary.

I think you're again conflating what happened to you with 'men'. Some men are awful, some women are awful. No healthy man would view sex as something they do 'to' a woman... It wouldn't be the experience it could/should be. My dp would be extremely affected if I wasn't as into it as he was

Please look into charities for affordable counselling, especially emdr as I think whatever you don't want to surface is already more present in your thinking/way of looking at the world... How could it not be.... I wish you the freedom from your trauma that you deserve x

Pre Christian societies the world over worshipped the goddess. Females being creative and magical.

I know what you mean op. When it comes to sex women are far more vulnerable than men in a variety of ways: pregnancy and its consequences, the physical strength of men meaning women can be forced into sex but not vice versa (as a rule of thumb), the manner of sex itself meaning they are more easily injured, and the testosterone drive in men meaning they are often on the hunt for sex in a way that women are not.

There's definitely a profound inequality there, but I'm not sure it equals misogyny. I think individual men have the power to decide for themselves whether that vulnerability should be exploited for misogynistic purposes. But I feel the fact that they can also take a different path and have loving and equal sex with their partner means sex can't be misogynistic by default.

Yes your thinking is skewed.. as is mine. Sexual trauma will do that to us 😞

I suspect the orgasm is important for more than just pleasure, but being part of the female anatomy, they just havent bothered looking. I expect its very much to do with reproduction

I think that was a bit later - I was reading about the lives of medieval women