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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to negotiate my inheritance

109 replies

Needafriend14 · 15/04/2024 10:28

I need a hand hold and some advice please.My DM passed away last July after a battle with cancer. Im still grieving there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about her. I miss her so much.she was my best friend, confident and gave me unconditional love.I was blessed. We were joined at the hip.I took her to luncheon clubs, art clubs ,GP hospital appointment, shopping etc

Rewind 5 years ago and she 'gifted' me and my family a deposit for a larger house so she could move in with us.I had an extension made like a flat to accommodate her.

She took ill last February and it was down hill after that.My 2 brothers (lets call them Bill and Ben) came into ours lives after only visiting once or twice a year..

They asked about a Will and had she had made one.She had I was given 40% both Biil and Benn 30% ( I know very distasteful at this time in her life) they knew about the gift and said it was Ok. However they had the Will revised (unbeknown to mum, she agreed in the end that Ben instead of Bill and myself was executors. I was still one of the executors.

Fast forward 5 months when she had passed away and Ben couldn't wait to send it to probate.He didn't organise anything else.

Anyway legalities went through and I don't think it was what they had been planning (I think the solicitor knew what they were up to). To their dismay the 'gift' was included in the final distributions.Ben rang me and said I hadn't disclosed it. I said I had and he asked the probate manger proof or this.When received proof he suggested that I get back to her and say that I borrowed it ( the gift)He then asked probate to revalue the Will because it wasn't fair and claimed that he me and DM had had a conversation about early inheritance !!

All over Christmas he was messaging me saying he has now hired a booking ledger to look at 7 year statements (I presume he thinks I have been dipping in her account) I haven't.

It has been horendous no compassion I have been in bits.

All through this he is saying (in a very polite professional way he is just doing what an executor does) and wants to distribute the money evenly. Because I had the gift and it should be equal.

This point I am not communicating with him. Bill gets on and suggests a mediator with legal qualifications. I state I don't need one there is nothing to discuss the probate manger has confirmed twice that everything is in place and that signatures are needed.

Any way Ben won't sign the final documents and has threaten me( in a nice way) with the 7 year statements.His last message was 'no stone will go unturned' We need a mediation!'

Sorry it's so long thanks for reading I just needed to get this off my chest to see what you all think AIBU? It is effecting my wellbeing and I can't put mum to rest.

OP posts:
poetryandwine · 15/04/2024 10:59

I am so sorry you are going through this OP.

You are right to stand your ground. However I think you will be most successful, and ultimately come out ahead, if you consult a solicitor. Best wishes

Bumblebeeinatree · 15/04/2024 10:52

It was a gift everyone knew it was a gift and now the missing in action brothers want a share in it. I would wait and see what they try to throw at you. If you have nothing to hide they can find nothing. Probate have accepted it was a gift, if the estate is into IHT there might be some tax to pay, although well into taper relief.

Let him do his worst, I hope the estate isn't paying for his belligerence. The solicitor should be the one to investigate any suspected irregularities, can you talk to the solicitor and find out what is going on? The brother is not now doing what executors do, that was finished with probate passed, not signing off because he wants a share of your gift is not being an executor.

Spirallingdownwards · 15/04/2024 10:49

I don't understand however your comment that they changed the Will without your mum knowing. That simply isn't possible unless you mean they pressurised her into changing it (but she still would have known it was being changed).

Hecatoncheires · 15/04/2024 10:48

Ben sounds like an absolute turd. You have done and are doing nothing wrong.

I am very sorry for your loss, OP. I hope my own DD and I have the same lovely relationship that you had with your mum.

TimeGrabsYouByTheWrist · 15/04/2024 10:41

Just to clarify, your mum gifted you a deposit for a house, which she then lived in with you.

Upon her death, all her assets were split 40/30/30 (you/Bill/Ben) but this does NOT include (quite rightfully!) the deposit she gifted you.

And the problem is that Ben thinks the gifted deposit should be seen as a loan and form part of your 40%?

e.g. she gifted you £100k. She had £200k of assets when she died in which you got £80k, and Bill and Ben got £60k each. But Ben thinks the assets should be £300k (and include the deposit) so you get £120k and him and Bill get £90k.

I think Bill's idea of a mediator is sensible. It might help Ben see sense. At some point he will surely want his share of the money?

Sorry your brother is such an inconsiderate dick!

PTSDBarbiegirl · 15/04/2024 10:36

God, this sounds so upsetting. Sorry OP you've had a difficult time. Can't offer advice as I know nothing about the topic but you should get your own legal advice, your DM wouldn't have wanted this to be the situation. Remember the relationship you had with your DM and the special, great times you shared. Bill & Ben were not there and your DM knew that you were.

bottomsup12 · 15/04/2024 10:36

Just to add, the time spent caring for your mother that they haven't had to pay care fees for a care home or care visitor they should count that as their gift.

The hourly rate for care is about £12 per house so tot up ALL the hours of care that you gave her (that Bill and Ben did not have to pay thank to your efforts) and then say you are entitled to extra because of that

bottomsup12 · 15/04/2024 10:33

Your gift is to cover the expense of your mother living with you in her final days. They did not have the expense of building a livable space for your DM so they should factor that in.

If balancing the books, consider your gift and then also throw in the money spent for your granny Annexe to the calculation.

olderbutwiser · 15/04/2024 10:33

I'm not sure I understand? Does Ben think the money your mum gifted to you should be seen as a 'loan' to you and therefore be part of her overall estate?

Do you have anything in writing to prove your Mum gifted you the money outright?

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