Not to negotiate my inheritance

Dear OP, I’m so sorry you’re having go through all this x please stay strong, your mum gave you that gift and that gave her a wonderful life being close to you when she needed you the most x
as to your brothers, they are not going to bully you this time! If you can afford a solicitor please get one, do not engage with Bill and Ben, and send every communication from them to your solicitor. If solicitor is not an option, check out citizens advice and Age UK, who have really helpful legal people who can offer some help x your mum sorted out who got what after her death, they should be grateful to get anything, an inheritance is not mandatory and shouldn’t be expected. Please stay strong, hold on to your mums love for you for courage and tell them to go back to their flowerpots! X 🌷

I don't think it surprising that children of deceased parents get upset when a parent has left unequal amounts. It's a bit rich for the sibling being left more of the inheritance to be calling the siblings who have been left less money greedy and grabbing.

I say that as the child who will do all the caring etc and who has at least one shitty unpleasant brother. I can't imagine how, as a parent, you would leave more to one child than another. It's a shitty and often manipulative thing to do and one that's obviously going to cause unpleasantness.

There are exceptions such as if one child is disabled.

This is true to a point, the executor can alter the will via a solicitor (I am in the process of doing this myself at the moment) but only with the express permission of all the named beneficiaries.

Clearly in this case that's not going to happen, so as you say, the brother just has to suck it up.

I’ve been through something very similar recently. Some brothers are absolute arseholes aren’t they. Don’t let the greedy grasping swine get to you.!Let me tell you what my very expensive solicitor explained to me. The facts are that the Will is the only document that counts. Statements, supposed discussions, spoken agreements, notions of fairness or whatever count for nothing. Executors have no power to do anything the Will doesn’t directly tell them to. Only what your mum wrote in a signed and witnessed document is of any consequence. And Importantly, witnessed by someone who doesn’t stand to gain from it - so not your brother. He cannot as an executor do anything the Will doesn’t direct. If he refuses to sign probate then you can reasonably apply to have him removed. Executors don’t make decisions about the estate they exist only to ensure the contents of the Will are carried out - to the letter.and that debts are paid. I hope this helps. In other words tell brother if he stalls on signing you’ll simply have him removed. He has no power in and of himself.

Downsizing relief is available, the parents do not need to leave the physical home as long as they have owned it at some stage.

You mention having a large tax bill. You should note that any tax due on gifts made within the 7 year IHT limit falls on the estate not on the recipient, assuming the estate has funds available.

so sorry you're going through this, OP. Just came on to say that I can fully anticipate this exact scenario happening to us in a few years' time as DH and I are very willing to take care of all of our parents when the time comes, but would need their financial assistance to expand our home to have space for them.

Knowing DH's brothers, there will be a right scramble to claw back whatever money they can, despite causing no end of upset and trouble for PIL and bringing no joy or love into their lives. It really is terrible - it's putting me off the idea but at the same time I wouldn't want to leave PIL to go to a home when they could happily live with family instead. If anyone has any guidance on how to avoid the OP's situation, please let me know!

Condolences on the passing of your mother, this must be very hard.
I haven’t read all the comments (just the OPs) so apologies if I am repeating what others have said.
Do not ‘negotiate’ over the lifetime gift she made to you - it was a gift not a loan so it does not need to be ‘paid back’ into the estate. It might be considered a loan if there was evidence of some kind of loan agreement or if you started paying it back, but otherwise they won’t be able to prove it was a loan (as it wasn’t).
Don't be threatened by him saying he will scrutinise payments going back 7 years - that is often a normal thing the solicitors / executors do to find any lifetime gifts which might be relevant for IHT. As your gift was 5 years before her death, some tax might be payable by the estate, but let the solicitors deal with that and advise you all accordingly.
If they kick up a fuss about any payment made to you or other aspects of what happened whilst he was alive, you can raise the point that as you provided care, you are entitled to be paid for that under the care act. You can get advice from
the estate solicitors or get your own solicitors if needed.
He can’t change the will to ‘make it fair’ - your mother has passed so the will cannot be changed unless by the court. The beneficiaries (you three) can agree on different distributions but you certainly don’t have to (and I wouldn’t if I was you).
The Estate solicitors have to remain neutral and if there is a dispute between you all then they will wait for the outcome before going further, but you can ask them to give their advice to the executors, eg how they suggest they deal with lifetime gifts and IHT. If your brother continues to cause trouble, you can instruct your own solicitor, or at least get a bit of advice yourself.
I know it is hard especially whilst you are grieving, but money and grief can bring out the worst in people. I used to be an estate dispute solicitor and all my workload was families arguing over an estate.

We don't know the value of the estate or the gift, or the nil rate band available so none of us can say if IHT kicks in and how much and what any taper relief will be.

The basic nil rate band is £325k. If the mother was married to the father and he didn't use own his £325k nil rate band (ie because he left everything to his wife which is IHT exempt) then the two can be added together = £650k.

It is true that sometimes the nil rate band can be up to £1m but this depends on certain things:
It assumes the Double nil rate band applies to account for the first £650k.
The remaining £350k must relate to value of the family home.
The family home must be left to the children of the decreased.

So mother would need to be leaving £1m of assets (not including the gift) and at least 350k of assets must be the value or part value of the family home to get the full £1m nil rate band. (It could be somewhere in between 650k and 1m of course. )

However I am doubtful that there was a "family home" forming part of the estate. It sounds like mother gave up her own home some years ago and gave daughter a monetary gift to build an extension on daughters home. Whilst the mother did live in the extension, if she did not acquire a right to a share of the title (as a joint tenant) then she had no home to leave as part of her estate.

That’s what I meant but I assumed a husband’s legacy and a house.

Your understanding of taper relief is wrong unless the whole estate is worth more than £1 million.

Right first things first. 5 years ago, a gift was made to you. It has first bite at the nil rate band so if it was £325k or less, there is no tax for you to pay on that gift. If it was more than £325k, then there will be inheritance tax to pay on the balance of the gift but taper relief will apply to the gift so the tax will be minimised.
Second, the will cannot be changed without your Mother's permission. It cannot be unilaterally changed by your brothers just because they don't like the terms. If it says 40% to you, that's what you get. You can sue your brother as executor if he refuses to give you your share.
Thirdly, your brother is absolutely mistaken that there is no tax to pay if the gift was a loan. It will be fully taxable and if the Will is written in the usual manner where residue bears the tax, the tax will come off the full estate not just your share putting himself at a disadvantage.
Fourthly lawyer up. A sternly worded letter from a private client lawyer ought to tell your brother you mean business and with any luck will stop him in his tracks. On this occasion you cannot afford to not lawyer up.
Lastly, I'm assuming you are in England or Wales - if not the rules may be different!

Similar happened to us and the other executor actually forged an addendum to the Will saying it was a loan. Unfortunately they copied the signature on the original will which bore no resemblance to their signature at the time the money was gifted (we got a copy of the cheque).
it was just awful, but the rest of the family were informed and we managed to block probate being granted to them.
in hindsight we should have reported to police but it was stressful enough as it was.
it sounds like you have a solicitor involved so I’d be inclined to leave them to deal with it.
best of luck

You need legal advice. You are being bullied.

The citisen's advice bureau usually have a solicitor who comes in once a week to advise.

A lot of solicitiors offer free initial consultations - but be wary, they all want to start charging. You won't get impartial advice.

Help the Aged might offer some help.

But I imaging the cost of your house extension means it's worth getting legal advice.

Don't listen to your brothers. They would have already engaged a solicitor if they thought they had a legal case to get more money.

Just state to a solicitor that you want a legal letter instructing your brothers to back off and threatening them with legal action if they don't.

Your brothers would then have to engage solicitors to fight off any legal action. They probably can't afford it. And you have the most to lose - if your brothers are threatening to cut you out by suggesting your house extension should be cut out of your share.

I'm a carer who cares for people in their own homes on an hourly rate. I get between £12.50-£16 an hour depending on time of day of visit. The company I'm employed by charge families double that for my services!

To those mentioning taper relief re IHT, it only kicks in after £325k has already been gifted.

Gifts up to the nil rate band of £325k will use up this nil rate band for the full 7 years. There is no taper relief. Taper relief is only available on amounts above the nil rate band.

Was the will officially changed? Last 4 weeks of her life? Signed, witnessed correctly?

I was going to ask if this was relevant.

That money provided the OP's DM with accommodation. Without that home, she may have had to pay for care, either in her own home or in supported accommodation, where the support charges are considerable.

If the Will is clear, go by that.
If not, maybe a mediator can help sort it out.

So sorry for your loss.
Sadly theres nothing like money to bring out the worst in people, no one will get rich from this but the solicitors!
Tell your brothers you had the money from mum to build the annexe for her to live in for the rest of her natural, how ever long that was.
The fact they hardly saw her is disgraceful.
The legals should just do what your mums wishes were n her will, end of.
I hope your brothers just let it go, they sound very bitter.

It doesn't matter if the daughter was the favourite, or not. We are all entitled to leave our assets to whomever we want, divided up however we want. There is no entitlement to anything from your parents on their death, unless they want you to have it, if they have written a will stating their wishes whilst of sound mind.

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss, huge hugs, it's devastating I know, lost my Dad a couple of years ago. Secondly, yes it was a gift and you looked after your dear Mum while they were absent. Had they taken her in and built an extension would they be refuting it? I doubt it. It's horrible all they are bothered about is money, last thing you care about I know. Can you just take a time out on it, it's raw and other more important things to be dealing with at this time. I would feel like saying I'm not taking part in this until ... so just wait! Xx

Block him!! People show their true colours when a loved one passed away. It has been confirmed twice everything is correct. Let him prove otherwise if he believes wrong doing. He probably wants mediation as he knows your a decent person who will give in to him if face to face.
so sorry your going through this whilst grieving your lovely mom xx

really sorry you are having to go through this, it isn’t easy! Any financial gifts made within 7 years prior to the death, need to be included on the Inheritance Tax form as well as there will be an element of inheritance tax that will need to be paid from the estate. You need to get some expert advice from a Solicitor that deals with estates because I think your brothers are being complete muppets!