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Original poster

To say no to football presentation

43 replies

frecklejuice · 14/04/2024 21:04

I'll try and be brief because it's boring!

Every year ds's football club have a big presentation for all the teams where they dish out awards and there's a bbq etc.. For the last 3 years I've taken him on my own with his younger sister because a "big golf day" always falls on the same date so husband goes to that. I'm sick to death of going on my own and everyone asking if dh is "at golf again" so this year I said I'm not going. Trouble is daughter (9) now plays for same club and it's going to be her first presentation day so guess who's the bad parent for saying they aren't going.

So do I go and suck it up that AH (arsehole husband) gets to go play golf again and I go on my own or do I stick to my plan of not going and upset my daughter? Son is old enough to get dropped off and picked up now.

I'm not going to upset my kids though am I? I'm going to have to go and he gets away with it again.

I'm also not massively sociable and I find it really hard going to things like this on my own.

Not sure what my aibu is because I know I'd be massively unreasonable to not take my daughter, I'm just moaning!!

OP posts:
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NewName24 · 14/04/2024 23:11

It sounds like a social event that couples go together to.

Well, if my experience is anything to go by, there will be some people that go as couples. There will be some children who have one parent go. there will also be some children who don't have any parents go.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2024 22:25

dootball · 14/04/2024 22:19

If he's been to 4 of the possible 10 , that doesn't seem so bad? I

There's no need for both of you to be there anyway.

It sounds like a social event that couples go together to.

And 4/10 if she's been to 10/10 and so have the children doesn't sound good.

Gunz · 14/04/2024 22:23

I sympathise- I used to have to go these events as a divorced parent. My daughter was very into foootball. When I used to attend I would stay for the presentation and then go. These sort of events tend to attract 'happy families' and I found the whole thing quite trying. My daughter was quite happy to go to the main event and disappear after that.

dootball · 14/04/2024 22:19

If he's been to 4 of the possible 10 , that doesn't seem so bad? I

There's no need for both of you to be there anyway.

cadygal257 · 14/04/2024 22:06

But why can't he miss golf! Is he a professional? If not, then tough luck he misses it

Motheranddaughter · 14/04/2024 21:59

Agreed but if he won’t you have to

BarbarasRhabarberBar · 14/04/2024 21:49

Motheranddaughter · 14/04/2024 21:46

All part of being a parent 🤷‍♀️

Well. It doesn't seem to be part of being a dad...

JassyRadlett · 14/04/2024 21:48

Motheranddaughter · 14/04/2024 21:46

All part of being a parent 🤷‍♀️

Apparently not for OP's husband. Funny that.

Motheranddaughter · 14/04/2024 21:46

All part of being a parent 🤷‍♀️

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 14/04/2024 21:45

As a dm to 8 ds's I have invested a fucking lot in our future relationships!!. Only 2 never played...

NewName24 · 14/04/2024 21:43

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 14/04/2024 21:10

Why not see it as an opportunity to invest in your relationship with your dc? Ime dh will reap what he sows in time. As a pensioner he will be glad he has golf to fall back on when his dc /dgc cba with him...

This.

Well, not that I see it as "an investment" - I actually enjoy seeing my dc enjoy events like this, even if it isn't the sort of event I would choose to attend for myself.

The dc will remember who showed up for them.

Also, if it is you that take them to their matches, it is you that will have the shared memories. It is you that will know who their friends are. It is you that will meet their friends' parents. Remember - it is your dh who is missing out, not you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2024 21:35

What does AH say when you point out how selfish and crap he's being? That his children will remember he prioritised himself over them? That you do too, every year? That it makes you love him slightly less each time?

Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 14/04/2024 21:32

I get it OP.
I'm actually on the committee as well.
It's such a shit night.
We're in a function room as well. So sweaty, hot and the kids are all jumped up om sugar.

It's so shit.
Have you told him?
What's been his response?

BarbarasRhabarberBar · 14/04/2024 21:30

Urgh. Feel your pain. These things are awful on your own. Can you take a friend? Also, can you leave AH?

It's great your kids do this. It's great you're the supportive parent. AH is a cunt for this. I hope he's nice otherwise.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 14/04/2024 21:26

I understand op - my dh very rarely takes dd to any of her training sessions or awards and it pisses me off but she knows who shows up.
Of course you can be pissed off that it os always you x

SweetLittlePixie · 14/04/2024 21:25

When I was a child my dad missed all my sports events. Im an adult now and i remember who was there for me. My relationship with my mum is much closer and they both know why.

neverendingcold · 14/04/2024 21:23

frecklejuice · 14/04/2024 21:21

Thanks. I know they will remember and the 15 year old already knows I'm the parent who shows up to stuff, I know deep down I'm going to go I'm just annoyed!

Show quote history

Yeah I get that. Not sure it's any help but my dad said he wished he'd got more involved when I was younger

Original poster
frecklejuice · 14/04/2024 21:23

neverendingcold · 14/04/2024 21:16

The kids will remember who showed up

You're right and I know they will, it's just right now I'm so annoyed about it always being me as much as I love going to their stuff (I always do). Feel like having a full on tantrum and refusing to go but I'll be there as usual quietly seething!

OP posts:
WhiteLeopard · 14/04/2024 21:23

Who takes them to the matches every week?

AbitSceptical · 14/04/2024 21:22

We have those every year. I don’t like them much either.

I just go for an hour or two, watch the presentation and leave. You don’t have to stay for 6 hours but it’s important to show your face if only to thank the coaches, who give up far more of their time than you’re doing.

And yes your DH should go next year.

NoKnit · 14/04/2024 21:22

frecklejuice · 14/04/2024 21:20

😂 It's an all day thing, teams set up Gazebos and have bbq's or order pizzas then they have presentations and a dj! It goes on so late unless it's raining and then people pack up early. It's really full on and not great when you're trying to make conversation!

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Oh God I feel your pain hate these events. That and most of the time have to bake a cake for same said event. Madness

neverendingcold · 14/04/2024 21:22

frecklejuice · 14/04/2024 21:20

😂 It's an all day thing, teams set up Gazebos and have bbq's or order pizzas then they have presentations and a dj! It goes on so late unless it's raining and then people pack up early. It's really full on and not great when you're trying to make conversation!

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Could you leave early?

Stressfordays · 14/04/2024 21:22

frecklejuice · 14/04/2024 21:16

You're a lone parent so you have to do it alone, I'm not a lone parent and sick of doing this shit on my own. I love watching them win awards but not when I have to spend 6 hours hanging around a field with people I don't know very well.

Show quote history

Suck it up buttercup. It's for your kids. I don't enjoy standing pitch side every Saturday and Sunday in the cold but I do it with a smile on face and make the most of watching them. They'll know who showed up. Feeling annoyed at your husband is a completely separate emotion to wanting to be there for your kids.

Original poster
frecklejuice · 14/04/2024 21:21

Boxerdor · 14/04/2024 21:16

I get why you’re pissed off op. The kids will remember who was there though. That’s the important thing. They will remember it was always you, you always showed up for them

Thanks. I know they will remember and the 15 year old already knows I'm the parent who shows up to stuff, I know deep down I'm going to go I'm just annoyed!

OP posts:
Original poster
frecklejuice · 14/04/2024 21:20

neverendingcold · 14/04/2024 21:17

Why on earth does it go on for SIX HOURS?

😂 It's an all day thing, teams set up Gazebos and have bbq's or order pizzas then they have presentations and a dj! It goes on so late unless it's raining and then people pack up early. It's really full on and not great when you're trying to make conversation!

OP posts:
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