To be so scared about becoming a parent

I felt exactly the same way, quite enjoyed being pregnant and wanted the baby to stay in!

But was literally just saying to my DH how incredible our little girl is and how lucky we are to have her, and how I just had no idea when I was pregnant how lucky I was going to be to have her in my life. I'm still me, still have my identity and don't feel like a 'mum'. The difference is that I have this amazing little best friend (she's 2 now) that I get to do life with, and it is a million times better than I ever thought it could be.

If I could go back and tell my pregnant self what it's like, I'd tell her not to worry because it's going to be wonderful. Hard as fuck and I'm glad she's in bed for the night now lol. But still just beautiful beyond anything I could have comprehended before I had her.

I think that’s a very natural reaction to have, a bit like pre-holiday nerves. You won’t get it right all the time , no-one does, and what may have worked for your mother, neighbour or best friend, may not work for you. Believe it or not, everyone is muddling their way through, whatever appearance they may be giving.

Absolutely normal lovely - I felt like that with my first then went over due and couldnt wait to give birth...! Then I remember wanting only to be pregnant again when she was born, so I could keep her safe inside. Fast forward 3 years and she is the light of my life. It's an adjustment - there's no getting round it - but go with the flow, keep the approach you've got now and go with your gut/instinct. X

It's terrifying at the start, but it is fine quite quickly after. It is amazing how fast you adapt. When DH went home and I was on my own with the baby in the hospital I was scared but equally so tired from labour I did actually manage to sleep (a bit). The most overwhelming bit for me was when we got home. We got through the door and into the living room and put DS in the middle of the floor in his car seat...I looked at him for a few seconds and burst into tears. I felt so out of my depth and just had no idea where to start. But I've got a thriving, happy almost 2 year old now so I must be doing something right 😂

Honestly, just take each day as it comes. Sorry if that doesn't seem reassuring, I don't want to scaremonger, but I try to be honest as when I had my son I thought there was something wrong with me that I was scared and overwhelmed, and found the few people who were honest about it actually not being all sunshine and daisies the most reassuring. If you're a go with the flow type, don't worry about all the advice etc just smile and nod until something specific crops up you feel you need help with then see what advice is out there. You'll be googling and on mumsnet at 2am at some point looking for the answers, but don't feel alone in that, we've all been there. No one will know your baby like you and that gives you the confidence you need.

You’ve described exactly the way I felt when I was pregnant. Everyone kept asking if I was excited and I was just scared.

My baby was long tried for and wanted and we went the IVF route. Everyone scared us with their tales of how hard having a baby is.

I had a planned c-section. Our first night home was weird and surreal and due to discomfort caused by the surgery I didn’t sleep for 3 days. However I was so full of adrenaline and so focused with “getting on with it” that I just did everything. Didn’t wake DP if she needed anything, I just dealt with it. I was sleep deprived getting up and down off the floor with my baby one handed after major surgery.

Well you know what? Once I let my mind relax, it wasn’t so bad. In fact I didn’t find having a baby all that hard at all. But she has always been a pretty good sleeper which is a major plus point.

She is now 17 months all and she is definitely the best decision we ever made. So sweet and loving and clever and funny. What I’ve found hard about being a mother is probably the things you just have to do every day, like making sure she is offered a varied diet and we get out and do stuff. But despite feeling like I might resent that, I don’t. Yes it can be dull but I don’t really think about that. You just get on with it.

The baby phase is so so short and although there will be challenging times ahead, every stage is temporary and ever changing.

I actually think it’s good you feel like this. I was full of (blind) confidence that, because I’m a capable person, I wouldn’t struggle with having a newborn.

Needless to say it hit me like a ton of bricks. I struggled massively.

It’s better to not be blind to the realities of having a baby, warts and all.

Dont worry about all the advice. My advice would be, follow your instinct and, when that runs out, ask on mumsnet 😂

Good luck x

I felt similar with my first. Very much wanted, needed help to conceive etc and then started panicking towards the end of pregnancy. It is daunting and scary but once baby is here you will just get on with it. Do you have a lot of support ? My mum was amazing at helping me practically with the baby but also with my MH. I had moments when he wouldn’t stop crying of saying to my husband “I want to send him back”, which was obviously ridiculous but I used to panic. Lots of help and support. He’s now nearly 18 😂

I felt overwhelmed by how much there was to know and was petrified at the idea of messing them up… 2 kids in now and I would say - trust your instincts. You will know what to do, and try not to fall down too many Google rabbit holes 🙂 take the pressure off yourself already and aim for good enough, not perfect. You just need to love them and I have no doubt you will.

it’s hard to wait for them to arrive but you will be blown away soon by it all. Congrats xx

Just remind yourself there's 7 billion people on the planet....so it can't be that hard!

I think it's really quite normal to feel that way. I certainly did with my first, although he then went overdue and I was so fed up with getting bigger and bigger that I became very keen for him to arrive!

I remember when we got home and put DS down in the living room in the car seat carrier, me and DP looked at each other and said "what do we do now?!". But of course you're then straight into the feeding, winding, sleeping, changing cycle and you don't have a chance to think "what now?".

You said yourself you go with the flow so just do that with the baby. Hormones are messing with you and exhaustion at the moment too. Just go with it because once you hold your baby in your arms it's a feeling like no other

YANBU, and I’d like to reassure you but the adjusting never seems to end, I must admit I do really miss life before having a child, and some people never stop feeling that way