AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

But in every other way he really IS a wonderful husband. I know that sounds trite but he really is. I love him.

There is absolutely nothing wonderful about him at all!

Do you really love him or has he convinced you that no one else would want you & you can't do better than him, no one would love you like he does blah, blah, blah bollocks.

Very worried about you op and furious on your behalf.
You deserve better. By which I mean getting free from him entirely and living for yourself not for anyone else while you get stronger.

He doesn't sound normal or wonderful to me. WTAF?

Ew!

That's so gross. Honestly, if my DH ever said anything like that to me, my vagina would be CLAMPED shut for a LONG OLD TIME.

Urgh!! Is that meant to be flattering you? Vile behaviour. You are not his sex object.

Gosh 😳

You are worth so much more than this crap @RaspberryRippleDuvet .

"Man here. His behaviour is NOT normal...."

Phew, thank fuck you came along man. There we were thinking this was normal. Our silly little heads just couldn't work it out

@RaspberryRippleDuvet We've been married 25 years. Sex has always been the only problem in our relationship because he has a much higher sex drive than me. I was abused as a child by a family member so I have some issues around sex which hasn't always been easy for him.

He doesn't cover me up in a nasty way, or get violent or anything, he just makes comments such as "Are you sitting like that on purpose?".

We have to sleep in separate beds because he was always touching me in his sleep which I hated. He said he didn't know he was doing it but I still don't know if that's true really.

He is very very protective of me, his worst fear is losing me. We have a tracker app so he always knows where I am, and once he left a recording device in our living room because he was worried I was cheating on him. I have NEVER cheated on him. This was years ago though and he confessed he'd done it, I had no idea.

If we don't have sex for a while he gets very anxious and panicky. He starts thinking I'm cheating.

You're in an abusive relationship OP and like all abusers he's quite paranoid, very insecure, sees you as his property and thinks you're trying to "provoke him" because "everything spins around him". Like all abused women you're walking on eggshells around this man OP. As someone said on this thread boiled frog theory comes to mind.

Shall I read the room first? Nah, they just need to know what a man thinks.

Dear OP, I wish I could sit down with you as a sister. You have become a "boiled frog", the gradual heat of unreasonableness and oppression he imposes increasing while you have adapted to every whim and demand he makes, without you realising along the way that it is so wrong. Whatever his own issues are, there can be no excuse for the way he has made it your responsibility to adapt to his control of you. You really are a trapped animal - jump out of that pot you are in - the water is now boiling, and life in it is unsustainable. Find the strength to look after yourself. Posting on here was a great start. Sending hug.🌷

No shit, Sherlock.

Oh darling, this just gets worse. It’s like the boiling frog analogy, you’ve slowly been exposed to horrible controlling behaviour that you’ve come to see as normal. Coercion like this is violence, you don’t have to be hit to be in an abusive relationship.

That feeling of being a trapped animal - it’s because you are. I’m so sorry. I hope this thread helps you reflect on how you deserve so much more.

I can imagine that deep down your instinct tells you that leaving this man would be high risk, it sounds it. If you can consider it then there are services or even just women on here who could help practically.

1st day of period Id be like

OP your husband is NOT protective, he's controlling 😔 tracking your phone and putting a recording device in your home is not normal - this is coercive control. You have been in the relationship for so long that it has become normalised to you but please read all the replies on here - it is not part of a normal relationship!

This is hideous reading, just leave, run, whatever it takes, this man will never make you happy, a controlling man is the worse!

Tell him if he does this again, he'll never have sex with you again. Ugh, what a creep

Fuck me what a number he’s done on your head. That’s not normal.

Woman here.

We fucking know..

No need for a man to come on and tell us the bloody obvious.

OP imagine this is your daughter and she goes

"I've met this AMAZING WONDERFUL MAN! he tracks my location so he knows I'm not cheating on him and he knows exactly where I am..., he sexually assaults me when I sleep, he thinks cheating on him if I don't have sex with him, he wants me to cover up otherwise he'll just want to have sex with me all the time, so much so, that I don't even feel like my body is my own anymore Doesn't he sound great??"

Fucking hell.... He's a prize dickhead

I was going to ask how often you have sex, because if you are going months and months without, then I can understand his frustration. Then I read your update, and it's quite obvious that he has issues. Do you want to be married to him? Are his good points worth all of his (many) bad points?

Thanks man. Who gives a shit if you are a man here?

I'm afraid this is one of those threads where you share your reality with other women and they gently try and open your eyes to the abuse and the control tactics. I'm so sorry. All of what you write about is cause for concern.

Man here. His behaviour is NOT normal....

This is one of those awful chilling threads in which the OP has no idea how abusive her relationship is. This man tracks you, essentially stalks you, records you, and has to be physically separated from you at night to prevent him assaulting you. OP this is very sick and very wrong. He is not a good man.