AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

Before u leave him u need to chat with him seriously.give him a chance

But most pps are telling the OP that this behaviour is not normal.

I've had one boyfriend who would switch from affectionate to cold and sulky when I didn't want to "put out" (he was a coercive narcissist) but none of the others were like that.

This man has absolutely no redeeming features, is a sex pest and a stalker. I worry that you normalise this behaviour.

Ick

Ick

Ick

how do you stand it OP? @RaspberryRippleDuvet

I really think you need to do some research or emotional abuse and controlling behaviors. These are not normal behaviors in a healthy relationship.
Being so protective he has a tracking app on your phone is not love, it's control.
Putting a recording device in you living room is not normal.
Having to sleep ins separate beds because of sexual harassment is not a normal loving husband.

Please seek some support and guidance from a professional, charities like Relate are good for counselling and understanding healthy boundaries.

He's a controlling wanker who's repeatedly tried to sexually assault you in your sleep, and secretly records you.

He's about as far from wonderful as you can get.

Also, be very careful about what he is tracking regarding your internet use and what you're posting on here.

This is horrible reading. Is he saying that if he sees a woman's curves/ body while out and about he wouldn't be able to control himself because she's not covered up, and he'd have to assault her?

He's not a 'wonderful husband', and this is not normal.

The more you post the worse he sounds. You are in an abusive relationship and you need to get out. None of what you describe is remotely normal.

What would happen if you took the tracker off your phone?

You can't enjoy being tracked surely?

He is very very protective of me, his worst fear is losing me. We have a tracker app so he always knows where I am, and once he left a recording device in our living room because he was worried I was cheating on him. I have NEVER cheated on him. This was years ago though and he confessed he'd done it, I had no idea.

This isn't 'protective' its controlling!

Jeez considering your updates he sounds fucking horrific! Do you want to stay with someone who doesn't trust you?

oh lord.
he is not a wonderful husband. he is controlling and a sex pest.

leave now.

OP, it's concerning that you describe his behaviour as protective when, in reality, it's deeply controlling, manipulative and psychologically abusive.

He polices what you wear and how you sit in your own home. He tracks your location. He secretly records you. He accuses you of cheating on him.

His "interest" in you is not flattering or sweet, it's abusive - not to mention he's likely paranoid and projecting because he is cheating. Nothing about him is wonderful.

He is not lovely. He is committing a crime: coercive control. Tracking your movements??? Recording you???

He is not your master, you are not a slave or a possession. Please contact women's aid and the police, this is criminal.

He's normally a wonderful husband

😂😂😂 Sure he is, OP (if you like a letch out of a Carry On film!)! 🙄

I've been raped 5 times over the course of my life OP.

My husband initiates sex with me, maybe twice a year. The rest of the time, it is me who initiates it. Right from day one. He says he isn't horny unless I am because he says feeling wanted is the most arousing for him!

We cuddle, we kiss, we hold hands, we have sex on my terms and it makes me feel loved, safe and in control.

He understands I have triggers and makes damned sure they never happen.

We have a great sex life and I feel valued, loved and safe with my loving husband.

That is wonderful! Your husband IS NOT WONDERFUL. He treats you like an object that he can't resist and makes it your fault that he has these urges.

Surely you don't feel safe with this sex pest? You must be so used to being treated like a thing that you actually don't notice it anymore.

This is not ok!

@RaspberryRippleDuvet

Boiled frog syndrome: The premise is simple: if a frog is suddenly put into a pot of boiling water, it will jump out and save itself from impending death. But, if the frog is put in lukewarm water, with the temperature rising slowly, it will not perceive any danger to itself and will be cooked to death

That's what he's done to you

Just to repeat OP, if you can buy a phone with cash and keep it hidden from him. A PP had a good idea of using the library, you can chat with Women's Aid there.

OP, your update was chilling.

Please be very careful and discreetly seek specialist support for what to do next. He is already extremely controlling and won't let you end the relationship lightly. You can't spend another 25 years existing like this with a controlling, sexual abuser who treats you as chattel, but you need to manage this situation safely.

he was always touching me in his sleep

We have a tracker app so he always knows where I am

he left a recording device in our living room

If we don't have sex for a while he gets very anxious and panicky.

He starts thinking I'm cheating.

I have to cover myself up if I don't want sex

^ Your words. What a list OP, what a horrifying list. Absolutely horrifying.

I'll be honest, when he's like this I feel like a trapped animal.
I just want to run away and have my body left alone.
You are trapped but there is a way out. Talk to your GP who can signpost you to various things such as counselling and local support groups. But I think the biggest help will come from talking to those who know, and work with, many abused women. You can chat or email them. I suggest you go to your local library, create a new email, and contact them this way. Your H will be monitoring your phone and laptop. I guarantee it.
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding

This is why you think you love this horrific, abusive man. Please stay safe and chat with Women's Aid for help. Is there anyone in real life you can talk to?

https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/?_gl=1qy98es_upMQ.._gaMTA2NDEzNzA2MC4xNzEzMTczNTA3_ga_C8H9JGBD77*MTcxMzE3MzUwNS4xLjAuMTcxMzE3MzUwNS4wLjAuMA..

I'll be honest, when he's like this I feel like a trapped animal. I just want to run away and have my body left alone

He knows this and he gets a thrill out of it. As I said - he is a predator.

Covering up makes it seem as though you’re at fault. Would it be easier to blindfold DH. You don’t want a stolen glimpse of ankle to send the horny little monkey into meltdown.

He isn't a wonderful husband and I think perhaps your previous experiences of abuse as a child have badly skewed your idea of what's normal in a relationship.

We have to sleep in separate beds because he was always touching me in his sleep which I hated. He said he didn't know he was doing it but I still don't know if that's true really.

He was not asleep. He was touching without your consent, in the full knowledge that you have been sexually abused before. This is absolutely shocking behaviour on his part.

he just makes comments such as "Are you sitting like that on purpose?"

He's blaming you for 'tempting' and 'teasing' him, acting as if you're responsible for HIS behaviour. You are not. Again, he is being abusive. He is accusing you of inviting his objectification/abuse. You are doing nothing wrong.

We have a tracker app so he always knows where I am, and once he left a recording device in our living room because he was worried I was cheating on him.

He is controlling you and invading your privacy in the worst of ways. Please seek some help. This is incredibly unhealthy.

You are essentially living with a sexual predator.